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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I left it too late at 39?

34 replies

Year2023 · 27/12/2022 19:35

I have been single for a few years now and have been happy single, concentrating on my career and twins age 8. I have now been open to dating again and maybe having a partner. But wondering if I've left it too late. I don't want anymore children and ideally would want someone who already has children or does not want any. The age range would ideally be 37 - 50.

I look good for my age and I'm fit etc and people always think I'm younger but I'm slightly worried that finding someone might not happen because I've left it too late.

Please give me your brutally honest opinions. I've never tried online dating as it has never appealed to me. Just to add (not bragging at all but I still get attention/seconds looks from men etc) so looks wise I think I'm OK but age wise I'm not so sure.

OP posts:
Ikeameatballs · 27/12/2022 19:36

Of course you haven’t! Get yourself out there.

BeautifulWar · 27/12/2022 19:40

Of course not, it's never too late.

Original poster
Year2023 · 27/12/2022 19:41

Thank you. I feel that people are going to be nice on here but I want brutally honest advice/opinions just so I can prepare for what to expect :)

OP posts:
x2boys · 27/12/2022 19:44

It's never to late to meet anyone ,anecdotally my sister split from her dh when she was in her late 40,s after 20+years together ,and met her current partner about a year later ,they have been together about three years now and seem very happy ,she has two sons with her ex who are now 21 and 19 and her partner has two daughters in their ear!y,late 20,s ,I guess they were lucky in way that they were both of a age where they had their own children so neither wanted any and their children were mainly independent.

notsorich · 27/12/2022 19:45

As you're open to someone who already has children too, I think you'll be fine.

It's difficult if you limit your search to someone who doesn't want children.

I imagine you'll have more luck with online dating towards the upper end of your age bracket - men on the apps are typically always looking for younger, not the same age or older.

Sparklesocks · 27/12/2022 19:47

Not at all. It can be scary to put yourself out there but it’s definitely not too late.

confusedlots · 27/12/2022 19:47

Of course it's not too late! In fact, any of my friends who have dated at that age and didn't want any/any more children have usually found really great partners, I think because they haven't been prepared to settle for someone who was just ok in order to become pregnant

HuntingoftheSnark · 27/12/2022 19:49

Definitely not too late at all. I was in a very similar situation - I was 39, had been single since DD (then 11) was born and decided that I was ready to date. Over the next 10 years I had three longish relationships and proposals (I didn't live with anyone other than DD though). DD's father isn't involved so I always wanted to spend a large part of my non-working time with her, and her alone.

I'm now 53 and still single, possibly more happily than before. I decided that I wasn't prepared to compromise my independence.

Comedycook · 27/12/2022 19:52

Yes you're too old. In fact, no one above the age of 39 has ever entered into a new relationship. It's absolutely unheard of

XenoBitch · 27/12/2022 19:52

My grandad got a girlfriend in his 70s. It is never too late.

Mirabai · 27/12/2022 20:11

My godfather got married for the first time at 79 and my old piano teacher got married for the second time at 84 - of course it’s not too late!

SpottyBalloons · 27/12/2022 20:12

Comedycook · 27/12/2022 19:52

Yes you're too old. In fact, no one above the age of 39 has ever entered into a new relationship. It's absolutely unheard of

😂😂

BigMama32 · 27/12/2022 20:14

Oh OP, of course it’s not too late! I have many many friends who got together 35+, many 45-55 and are having happy successful relationships.

the only comment I would say is that online dating does seem to be the norm now, so you may need to take the plunge into that when you are ready

PurpleFlower1983 · 27/12/2022 20:14

Definitely not! Get yourself out there!

PurpleFlower1983 · 27/12/2022 20:15

A friend of my husband’s is lovely, early 40s, fit, active. Marriage recently split up (not his fault). Stuff happens! Plenty of good men out there!

mondaytosunday · 27/12/2022 20:16

I met my husband at 39. Not online (in its infancy then) but an old fashioned introduction agency. It was ££ (hopefully cutting out those who just wanted a hook up), they interviewed everyone and people would mail you their profile and it was up to you to call (and vice versa).
He already had kids and we had two more.

Sugargliderwombat · 27/12/2022 20:30

You haven't but why no love for younger guys ?

wonderingwhatsnext · 27/12/2022 20:35

I voted YANBU to think now is a good time to branch out with dating. But I think the split of votes is probably because YABU/YANBU isn't clear.

Gunner1510 · 27/12/2022 20:38

Why do a lot of posts on this site seem to go…

”oooh am I too old…. blah blah”

Then they reveal they are mid/late 30’s….

Yes you are far too old you should be in every night with your slippers and hair net 🤣

Gunner1510 · 27/12/2022 20:43

But no in response you your question I’m sure you’ll be fine, you just need to put yourself out there although I understand it might be a bit nerve wracking! You could try online dating if you don’t get much time to go out different places, maybe a paid website where there a might be more chance of a decent/more specific match?

Scotty12 · 27/12/2022 20:54

Of course it’s not too late :-) Crack on!

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 27/12/2022 21:08

You haven't although my peers that divorced tended to find their "life partners when their kids were a bit older than yours, so mid 40s.

Bluekerfuffle · 27/12/2022 21:11

People of all ages start new relationships. I mean, everyone must know this, surely?

Tandora · 27/12/2022 21:15

Yes OP, far too old. Any woman over 35 is unsightly and shouldn’t be allowed out in public 🙄🙄.

Mumuser124 · 27/12/2022 21:25

Of course you’re not too old to have a relationship but I suppose whether you’re successful in finding a man you desire would depend on what you’re sort of looking for in a man, income, height etc.