I slept with my best friend over Christmas.
and if that isn’t bad enough there is a whole complicated backstory and he can be a bit of a shit.
my original thread is here:
www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4563222-aibu-to-think-this-is-really-shitty-of-him?page=1
but basically I’ve known him forever, he made a pass at me when I was married, got nasty when I turned him down then told me DH was cheating and that was why he had done it. I thought it was a malicious lie but it turned out to be true.
the last few months have been really hard, dealing with the adjustment to life on my own etc and although I didn’t speak to friend for a month or two, I was weak and found myself wanting his support. So we fell back into being friends and I put all the other stuff in the back of my mind because, I’ll be honest, it suited me to do it. I was alone and felt devastated and I wanted to be able to lean on him, I knew he would be there for me.
nothing untoward had happened, I had convinced myself what happened before wasn’t as big of a deal. anyway I’ve found Christmas a struggle. Yesterday I was without DS. Family all busy. Friend came over and we watched films and drank too much and I think I just wanted to feel wanted. I wanted to have a moment of recklessness instead of responsibility. I instigated it ffs knowing too well he still had feelings for me.
im a truly awful person. He is ecstatic, and I don’t know how I feel. About anything.
what do I do now? I am so ashamed of myself for messing with his feelings when I don’t know how I feel.
ive fucked everything up haven’t I? And DH will be so smug if he finds out or if friend and I actually get together as he used my friendship as one of the reasons he was on dating sites and didn’t believe there was nothing going on.
what a mess. I deserve all the harsh judgements I’m going to get on here.