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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DDad and his present

33 replies

helpmefigureit · 27/12/2022 16:17

We bought my DF and his partner a pretty expensive Xmas gift this year, as he has a big birthday coming up very soon too, so we combined the two. Usually it's £30-50 on slippers, whisky, jumpers, food stuff etc, but because he's only this age once we thought we would push the boat out so we got him and his partner a night in a very fancy spa hotel with dinner and breakfast included. Chosen because it's not too far from them as he gets anxious about going anywhere these days.

I spoke to him on Xmas morning and mentioned he'd be hearing from us later with present and that I hadn't forgotten, I was just sorting it. Then I sent him the order confirmation msg on WhatsApp and said he would also have an email. He replied 'thanks helpme' and that was it.

I dunno, I just thought he might ring to say thanks. I certainly would if he bought me a treat like that. Just feeling a bit deflated. I don't even know if he liked the gift.

To him I'm the big disappointment of the family, so am quite sensitive. I just wanted him to say he liked it. I didn't need praise showered upon me.

But I just got 'thanks helpme...'

I dunno. AIBU?

OP posts:
Branster · 27/12/2022 16:19

He probably doesn't now how to redeem the voucher to make the actual booking? Just call him.

euff · 27/12/2022 16:23

Does he like this kind of thing? Maybe he doesn't but feels torn about thanking you for something he doesn't like and may not want to use and is feeling awkward as he knows you've spent a lot? Spa's are often mentioned on here but I think are a bit like marmite.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 27/12/2022 16:24

Stop trying so hard.

Original poster
helpmefigureit · 27/12/2022 16:25

Branster · 27/12/2022 16:19

He probably doesn't now how to redeem the voucher to make the actual booking? Just call him.

He absolutely does know how to do this. And it's a place he knows.

OP posts:
Original poster
helpmefigureit · 27/12/2022 16:26

euff · 27/12/2022 16:23

Does he like this kind of thing? Maybe he doesn't but feels torn about thanking you for something he doesn't like and may not want to use and is feeling awkward as he knows you've spent a lot? Spa's are often mentioned on here but I think are a bit like marmite.

Christ he doesn't have to have a Swedish massage, just a nice meal and a night in a fancy 5* hotel.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 27/12/2022 16:26

Perhaps he doesn’t want to have to do the spa.
I personally don’t do gig tickets and nights away as presents because I’ve been gifted things that I didn’t want to do.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/12/2022 16:27

I didn't need praise showered upon me.

But your entire post is about the fact that he didn't shower praise on you?

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 27/12/2022 16:28

FFS PHONE him. Confused

Wakk · 27/12/2022 16:29

Maybe the email went into his spam? I would call him to check it was received.

Original poster
helpmefigureit · 27/12/2022 16:29

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/12/2022 16:27

I didn't need praise showered upon me.

But your entire post is about the fact that he didn't shower praise on you?

He just didn't really acknowledge it. And hasn't since.

That's all. I don't need him to compose odes to me over it.

OP posts:
Whadda · 27/12/2022 16:29

You gave him a gift.

He thanked you.

Surely that’s the end of it?

Sparklesocks · 27/12/2022 16:31

He said thanks, maybe he’s just not overly effusive with his reactions? My dad is a stoic and quiet man despite being a big softy inside. His texts to me read like a colleague I don’t know very well!

I understand your disappointment but gift giving shouldn’t be able the measure of the other person’s reaction, it puts a lot of pressure on the receiver to react a certain way. Maybe give him a call to see how his Xmas went and ask about what he thinks of the gift?

StickyCricket · 27/12/2022 16:32

Perhaps you’ll get a “thanks for the lovely night in the hotel” text after they’ve been.

We got this type of gift last year. The date booked was inconvenient for us, I had to organise and pay for a dog sitter, and it also cost us money for fuel to get there and drinks with our meal, which at the time (and considering I’d had to cancel a days work because the date was booked without asking us) ended up costing us money we didn’t really want to spend and had been earmarked for other things.

I sent a basic thanks on opening the gift envelope and then a more effusive thanks after the event.

Ohnotheydidnt · 27/12/2022 16:32

Could your Dad think it was all last minute and rushed?

If someone sent me an order confirmation on Christmas Day I'd assume they forgot and it was all last minute panic - regardless of the cost.

And some people don't like spa weekends (I hate them!)

Anyway, he said thanks. My Dad would just send me a "thumbs up" emoji 🤣

euff · 27/12/2022 16:32

@helpmefigureit I didn't mean to offend. I don't buy my Dad gifts as he's so difficult. The only good expensive purchase I made for him was an iPad. These days it might be boring but useful things that he's hinted or asked for as he wants us to do the looking around for it not necessarily the purchasing iykwim.

Blossomandbee · 27/12/2022 16:33

Ask him if he got the email ok and is he happy with the gift (or words to that effect)
He might be anxious of going if he doesn't like going to far these days?

Stompythedinosaur · 27/12/2022 16:33

I think you bought a big gift thinking it would get him to behaving in a more loving way. But it didn't, because he isn't a good dad.

Save your money and invest in relationships with people who are nicer and treat you decently.

Unicorn2022 · 27/12/2022 16:34

I know this sounds harsh but I would assume he didn't like it and decided to say nothing. It is an odd gift for a man, and combined Christmas and birthday gifts are annoying, plus it's more of a treat for his partner. My DF would have hated it, plus why would he want to stay in a hotel near to his house.

Double0FeckingBollocks · 27/12/2022 16:37

It does sound rather cold OP. I'd be a bit put out too. Is he usually a bit rude? Some people are really poor at accepting nice gifts. I'd ring him and ask him if he liked it.

Original poster
helpmefigureit · 27/12/2022 16:38

StickyCricket · 27/12/2022 16:32

Perhaps you’ll get a “thanks for the lovely night in the hotel” text after they’ve been.

We got this type of gift last year. The date booked was inconvenient for us, I had to organise and pay for a dog sitter, and it also cost us money for fuel to get there and drinks with our meal, which at the time (and considering I’d had to cancel a days work because the date was booked without asking us) ended up costing us money we didn’t really want to spend and had been earmarked for other things.

I sent a basic thanks on opening the gift envelope and then a more effusive thanks after the event.

I gave them a voucher, they can go whenever they like

OP posts:
Original poster
helpmefigureit · 27/12/2022 16:38

Double0FeckingBollocks · 27/12/2022 16:37

It does sound rather cold OP. I'd be a bit put out too. Is he usually a bit rude? Some people are really poor at accepting nice gifts. I'd ring him and ask him if he liked it.

That's all I'm saying too really. Clearly IABU tho.

Okay, taken on board.

OP posts:
someonecookmydinnerplease · 27/12/2022 16:40

No he doesn't have to have a Swedish massage as you put it, but is he the type of person who appreciates expensive hotels and posh food? I'd love that as a gift but my mum would consider it a complete waste of money. Was it a gift he'd actually want? My mum once got very upset when I took her to a nice restaurant as one meal cost what she spends on a weeks food shopping. I thought I was giving her a nice treat but that's not how she saw it. I now take her to the pub for a carvery as that's what she likes to do for a treat.
It's not about spending money, it's about arranging something that you've put thought into being something they'd appreciate.

KangarooKenny · 27/12/2022 16:41

Can you text the partner to ask if he liked it or not ?

Unicorn2022 · 27/12/2022 16:41

Ohnotheydidnt · 27/12/2022 16:32

Could your Dad think it was all last minute and rushed?

If someone sent me an order confirmation on Christmas Day I'd assume they forgot and it was all last minute panic - regardless of the cost.

And some people don't like spa weekends (I hate them!)

Anyway, he said thanks. My Dad would just send me a "thumbs up" emoji 🤣

Agree with all of this - why leave it till Christmas Day to book it? It looks a bit last minute and rushed like you couldn't think of anything else to buy him.

astralpiano · 27/12/2022 16:45

I think the leaving it til christmas day was poor form. Who likes to receive a booking confirmation by email? It's not the same as opening an envelope on Christmas day. My brother likes to do this and it's ridiculous. Even when he prints it out the time stamp is like 23:00 on Christmas eve. If you wanted to do this you should have sorted it out much earlier as it looks like you just threw money around rather than think and plan it even though you had.

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