Quick bit of background, my dad is actually my step dad but has been in my life since I was one, so 39 years now. Both my sisters are his biological daughters. He and my mum divorced about 15 years ago and mum remarried 10 years ago.
We've had our ups and downs and didn't talk for a few years but when my husband and i started trying for a baby 6 years ago I reached out so my child and he had a chance of a relationship.
We message and send birthday/Christmas cards and gifts but have only seen each other at family weddings and funerals the last 10 years.
He's never met my 4 year old. He lives 4 hours drive away and he's never asked to visit or invited us to his. He's never even called her. He's only 61 and travels out the country regularly for his hobby, is in good physical health and comfortable financially.
Last Christmas he sent a massive plastic version of the simple wooden toy till/cash register she asked for for Christmas (I don't have massive plastic issues, it fit with the rest of her shop which is wooden). It's so big it doesn't even fit on the shop counter!
This year little miss asked for a toy stand mixer for her play kitchen and a book in the series we're reading together. I'll point out he messages is late November asking what she would like, I don't impose lists on anyone unless asked- I'm usually super greatful for all the gifts she receives.
He sent.... a massive bag of instruments more suited to a toddler (maracas, castanets, jingle bells etc) which she already has and some reusable animal stickers, nothing she asked for.
I sound spoiled and ungrateful I know, but would rather he didn't ask if not going to get it rather than me give him one of the only 4 things she asked for this year, and then not receive it.
We've told her the mixer must be stuck in the Christmas Post and used a gift card I was given to order her one. I don't know if we handled this in the best way but we were put on the spot Christmas day!
She's just confused who the gifts are from really, as she's never even spoken to him on the phone let alone met him. She argued with me in the card shop earlier this month, about how many granddad cards she needed to pick as she doesn't understand he's her grandfather too.
I think the inconsiderate gifting is just the last straw for me in a heap of ways he just doesn't seem to care.
Am I being unreasonable at this point to tell him to stop sending her anything/no longer give her anything he sends and just cut him out of her/our lives?
It's getting too hard to explain to her why she gets gifts from someone she doesn't know, and hard this year to explain why she didn't get a mixer when she asked for one. It really hurts when she argues with me about how many grandads she has ( she says two- husbands dad and my mums current husband, I add in my dad to make 3!)
In a few more years its going to be so hard to explain without hurting her. I really don't feel lime explaining to a 6 or 7 year old that one of her grandfather's just can't be bothered. I don't feel that should be on me.
Am I being unreasonable to just cut him out or should I keep trying to give him the chance to be in her/our lives?