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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How could you make Christmas this crap?!?

27 replies

OppsUpsSide · 27/12/2022 11:54

Ex wanted DC Christmas Eve/Day, they were split on whether they wanted to go but also never want to make him sad and I wanted them to all be together rather then split between me and him, so I encouraged them, although I wasn’t exactly thrilled I thought they would have a nice time.
He provided them all with gaming stations and had them up until gone 1 Christmas Eve playing Fortnite (youngest is 7). No Christmas Tree, stockings/presents.
I had a text from eldest midday Christmas Day asking if I could pick them up at 2, I was expecting to get them later. Picked them up - they’d had nothing to eat!
WTF!
Of all the shitty shitty things he has done, I dislike him the most for this. How could you be this crap?!

OP posts:

Stompythedinosaur · 27/12/2022 11:56

Well, I guess that will make any debate about where to go for Christmas easier in the future.

But yes, he is a shit for not even meeting the basics of caring for his dc.

Temporaryname158 · 27/12/2022 11:59

Of all the things he did not feeding them is the worst. I presume you mean at all, rather than not had Christmas dinner.

he may try and be a Disney dad letting them stay up late and game (we’re these the Xmas presents??) but it seems the children have already seen straight through that

at least you know you will have future Christmases with them as they are unlikely to want to go again in future

MichelleScarn · 27/12/2022 12:03

Nothing at all to eat? Spectacularly shit any day, not just Christmas!

Original poster

OppsUpsSide · 27/12/2022 12:09

Their present Christmas morning was a box of sweets and apparently that was what they had to eat, he would have fed them something later if they’d stayed I’d have thought.
If he had done this any other night of the entire holidays it wouldn’t have mattered as I can sort it out once they’re home, but you can’t redo Christmas Eve/morning and the whole things upset them. He’s basically Grinch.

OP posts:

NewtoHolland · 27/12/2022 13:35

So unkind of him. Can you do a second Christmas at home? Xx

Thelnebriati · 27/12/2022 13:44

Did he spent all the money on gaming stations, which is something he wanted and gets to keep? Or did they get to take them home?

Craftybodger · 27/12/2022 13:49

I agree that it makes decisions over future Christmases much easier.

He was wrong on many levels.

I disagree about not being able to redo 24th/25th. You can, pick a new date in the very near future and do your own 24th/25th, the date doesn’t matter, the traditions and celebrations do.

VioletLemon · 27/12/2022 13:56

He's incapable. At least it's been a reminder that you are better off without him. Plus, you're children have learned it's not the right thing to put his needs before their own. Good riddance.

RudsyFarmer · 27/12/2022 14:05

How do they feel about it? I think that’s the most important thing. No child likes their parents warring so to my mind if they were happy I’d leave it alone until we start making plans for next Christmas, then I’d bring up
my concerns about the lack of nutritional food.

SaladBarNanny · 27/12/2022 17:27

Awful. What's he like at normal times if the year when he has them?

Doesn't your 7 year old believe in Father Christmas? I always plan stockings with ex. We both contribute ideas and split costs regardless of whose turn it is to have DC that year.

upfucked · 27/12/2022 17:29

That’s just crap. That’s neglect.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/12/2022 17:31

He didn't give them any dinner on the 24th or breakfast on the 25th?

Don't let them stay again full stop. That is neglect.

chocolatemademefat · 27/12/2022 17:34

Tell him now they won’t be back at Christmas because you want them to enjoy it. Don’t leave him thinking it will happen again because he doesn’t want to be on his own. I’d have another Christmas Day for them asap - a proper one involving food! He’s a miserable arse.

Piemam · 27/12/2022 20:39

What a fucking prick. Shite excuse for a parent. Sounds like he wanted to have the kids and show off games consoles etc but then didn't have the sense or rather decency to actually look after his own fecking kids. Arsehole of the highest order. Nothing next year and you tell your babies to not be afraid to assert this- Mum knows what to do and that's it. Sorry, I am incensed on your behalf.

ChristmasChair · 27/12/2022 20:42

Wait, what was wrong (apart from lack of food which is is obviously insane and quite odd)?

ChristmasChair · 27/12/2022 20:43

Sorry, I understood the gaming stations to be presents.

Original poster

OppsUpsSide · 27/12/2022 23:39

I think the gaming stations and staying up until 1 in the morning gaming on Christmas Eve was the present - the older two weren’t exactly happy and wanted to come home, the younger 2 are under 10, they are used to a visit from Father Christmas and have a stocking (which he knows) they were upset because they didn’t understand. The older two obviously did, it’s different for them, they were disappointed but it wasn’t as bad as trying to explain on my feet why Santa didn’t come to the younger two. I just think it was shitty and lazy, it wouldn’t have really mattered any other night of the Christmas holidays, I can make sure they are fed and catch up on sleep when they get home. But I can’t make Santa come a different night. Plus I didn’t realise he had done such a shit job until I’d already given them all their presents from me. I didn’t expect him to be so shit! I thought they’d at least get an old pillow case with some sweets and little bits and bobs in which they would have been more than happy with.

OP posts:

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/12/2022 23:45

That is really shit OP. Why did he even want them if he was going to be that rubbish?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/12/2022 23:49

Do he not have bread or cereal and milk for them to help themselves to?

daffodilandtulip · 27/12/2022 23:49

I could have written this post myself several years ago. DC have never again spent a Christmas with him, and DD never even sees him anymore (not just because of Christmas but this kind of behaviour is never isolated is it).

Original poster

OppsUpsSide · 28/12/2022 00:09

The DC will want to see him, they love him. Etc. The food/lack off is usually managed better and they don’t go for long enough for it to cause a real problem, but as it was Christmas I thought he would be more on it. There must have been food, I saw him and eldest DC in the supermarket Christmas Eve night.

OP posts:

SaladBarNanny · 28/12/2022 09:39

OP you can let Santa come another night! With a note saying there was a mix up.

I do feel sorry for your kids, and for you, but I have to say I'm really surprised you didn't discuss stockings with him when you sorted the Christmas arrangements.

SaladBarNanny · 28/12/2022 09:42

Not blaming you by the way! He's a useless cock. Just wondering whether there was no conversation at all with your ex about what Santa would bring?

Original poster

OppsUpsSide · 28/12/2022 11:52

We didn’t discuss stockings because he has done stockings for them once before, not how I would do them but a stocking is a stocking and he is more than capable and they would have been pleased, very unlikely we would have ‘doubled up’ on things. I don’t think he would have appreciated me contacting him about it - would have seemed like I didn’t trust him to do it, which would have actually been accurate!

OP posts:

Cnidarian · 28/12/2022 12:12

Santa can come a different day, he just needs a letter

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