Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to London shopping

29 replies

Molly2008 · 27/12/2022 08:09

So my mum has a house full of relatives visiting from abroad. My mum has suggested that my cousin & I go shopping for a day in London and she will watch my kids.

Only problem is I don't want to go, can't afford to go. So AIBU to say no?

OP posts:
LizziesTwin · 27/12/2022 08:11

Tell her you’re sorry but you’re short of money as it’s straight after Christmas so won’t be shopping. Has your cousin been sightseeing before? Could you do an open topped bus tour with her?

RambamThankyouMam · 27/12/2022 08:13

Why would you be in any way unreasonable to say no? Do you usually have trouble articulating your feelings?

Girasoli · 27/12/2022 08:15

If you could afford it, would you like to go?

If so you could suggest an alternative London day out (eg walk along the South Bank or one of the museums)...only if its affordable to get into London for you in the first place of course

PortiasBiscuit · 27/12/2022 08:15

Does your cousin want to go?

Skinnermarink · 27/12/2022 08:16

You can do other things in London besides shopping.

Original poster
Molly2008 · 27/12/2022 08:17

Yes I struggle to say no to DM she can be difficult.

Cousin would love to go and if I had the funds I wouldn't mind. But even without shopping the train & inevitable lunch will mean it's an expensive day out.

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 27/12/2022 08:19

Your mum is asking you to spend time with your cousin in London. I think it would be a nice thing to do, if you are happy to leave the kids with her. Plan it well, and make it as cheap as possible, or if you really cant afford it, can your mum help you out with the money?

Krakenwakes · 27/12/2022 08:21

Well, say no, then. I live in London and find it hard to understand why anyone would come to London just to “go shopping”. There are plenty of other things to do. You could bring a packed lunch if you want.

Xiaoxiong · 27/12/2022 08:22

Tell your mum you'd love to but can't afford the train fare or lunch out, so why doesn't she go and you'll stay with your kids. If she really wants you to go, she can pony up your train fare.

Lcb123 · 27/12/2022 08:25

You could bring a packed lunch and just walk or get a bus? Sounds nice to have a day doing that in london

Gruelle · 27/12/2022 08:26

You should definitely take your cousin out. (And if I were your mother I might feel you could have offered without having to be asked!)

If your cousin wants to go to London it’s the obvious place to visit, yes. But shopping is the least interesting option - they probably have the same chain stores at home.

Would your mother be willing / able to lend you the money for transport, sightseeing and a modest lunch? Take your cousin to the V&A or Tate Modern, etc. Walk. Go to a cafe.

(Full disclosure, I’m awfully familiar with this type of scenario in my own life. You may not feel up to the effort and expense - but you’ll feel bad if you don’t, and your mother will feel a little resentful if you don’t share the work of entertaining your relatives …)

TerraNostra · 27/12/2022 08:27

Is your cousin a child? Why does she need you to go to the shops with her?

Gruelle · 27/12/2022 08:37

TerraNostra · 27/12/2022 08:27

Is your cousin a child? Why does she need you to go to the shops with her?

You know - this type of post always makes me wonder if I really belong on MN! Until I came to this site I had no idea so many people found the whole idea of ‘family’ outside their partner and children outrageous and intolerable.

But then I realised they’re the same people who turn up here begging strangers for help and advice when they hit a domestic crisis - “I only have my partner, we don’t have any family or friends so there’s no one I can turn to …”

NoSquirrels · 27/12/2022 08:38

Xiaoxiong · 27/12/2022 08:22

Tell your mum you'd love to but can't afford the train fare or lunch out, so why doesn't she go and you'll stay with your kids. If she really wants you to go, she can pony up your train fare.

Do this.

Afterfire · 27/12/2022 08:38

Xiaoxiong · 27/12/2022 08:22

Tell your mum you'd love to but can't afford the train fare or lunch out, so why doesn't she go and you'll stay with your kids. If she really wants you to go, she can pony up your train fare.

Yep. This.

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/12/2022 08:39

My idea of hell, particularly at this time of year.

Tell your mum to take your cousin.

Sukisal · 27/12/2022 08:41

Gruelle · 27/12/2022 08:37

You know - this type of post always makes me wonder if I really belong on MN! Until I came to this site I had no idea so many people found the whole idea of ‘family’ outside their partner and children outrageous and intolerable.

But then I realised they’re the same people who turn up here begging strangers for help and advice when they hit a domestic crisis - “I only have my partner, we don’t have any family or friends so there’s no one I can turn to …”

Show quote history

I’m in complete agreement.

LimeCheesecake · 27/12/2022 08:43

I’d conveniently remember you have something to do with DHs side of the family…

TerraNostra · 27/12/2022 08:44

Gruelle · 27/12/2022 08:37

You know - this type of post always makes me wonder if I really belong on MN! Until I came to this site I had no idea so many people found the whole idea of ‘family’ outside their partner and children outrageous and intolerable.

But then I realised they’re the same people who turn up here begging strangers for help and advice when they hit a domestic crisis - “I only have my partner, we don’t have any family or friends so there’s no one I can turn to …”

Show quote history

What are you on about? I hate shopping with other people, my idea of bliss is a day mooching around the shops all by myself. Can’t stand other people dragging me to thee shops they want to go to and having to agree with them when I want to go back to the same shop three times!

How does that make me someone who hates their family? I’m actually visiting my own cousin tomorrow, she’s great but I wouldn’t want to go shopping with her!

TerraNostra · 27/12/2022 08:50

It’s quite possible that the cousin is thinking “Aargh I really want a day at the shops and my Aunt has told [insert OP name] tbat she should tag along, how do I get out of taking her?”

Usernamen · 27/12/2022 08:57

I’ve never understood shopping as a ‘day out’.

Has your cousin been to London before? Why not take her to the sights, museums, parks etc.? Most of this stuff is free too.

Shopping, especially at this time of year, will be a nightmare.

jesicacraddock · 11/01/2023 23:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Fluffygreenslippers · 12/01/2023 08:59

Go to a museum. Go to icco for lunch. Borrow twenty quid for transport. Done.

Treetrim · 12/01/2023 09:03

OP could you maybe just show the cousin around the shops. Maybe sit over a coffee in selfridges or John Lewis whilst she browses.

I mean it’s not that expensive to pay for a train and a sandwich. There are plenty of cheap lunch options around Oxford St.

I like other posters don’t get the responses of do nothing for no one ever. It’s so selfish

Seeline · 12/01/2023 09:15

I mean it’s not that expensive to pay for a train and a sandwich. There are plenty of cheap lunch options around Oxford St.

That really depends on the journey. Even within London it would be around £8 just on fares. Coming from further afield eg Brighton which is perfectly doable timewise would be around £30 for a ticket. OP may prefer/need to spend that on making sure her kids have food for the week.

And cheap lunch options (not that anything us cheap in London) only work if the cousin is happy to go along with it. If she wants to go to a posh restaurant, OP can't really sit outside with her Tesco express sarnie