DS and part time job

[kessiebird]

DS is almost 17. He's had a part time job since he was 16 - started before his GCSEs. It's zero hours. He was offered four shifts over Christmas. So far he's got cover for one shift and now doesn't want to go in tonight. His other two shifts are over new year.

There is a back story in that he enjoyed it at first but got his friend a job there who proceeded to say it was slavery and left (it's double the NMW for their age) and this has influenced DS's feelings about it. This particular friend is very vocal about life in general, two years older and a bit of a know it all. Nowhere else pays as well and he didn't take the change to apply to other places in the Christmas lead up.

He goes to college and has a possible apprenticeship interview for his dream job. He sent his CV to this employer and they've said they will get him in for an interview in the new year. Not guaranteed though.

We have high work ethic and I've stressed to him to not mess his current employer about as they are possible references.

I've sent him quite a stroppy text saying

1. His friends cant come round on the dates he doesn't bother going to work. they are here every night nearly and one of them is the friend who is not in college and has had three part time jobs in a year including a spell at DS's employer.

1. Not to ask us for any money next year. He gets a bus pass from college, gets his phone paid for by us and food in the house.

He got £100 off us for an advance Christmas present (as he'd only had two shifts in November) plus up to £400 on Christmas Day from family and pocket money my DM gives him which was saved up. He knows he will get money for his birthday, not from us as we are funding driving lessons plus a few presents already bought.

I suppose to give him his due, apart from the advance Christmas money, he hasn't asked for a penny since starting work. He has spent all he earned (some months at first £600) but hasn't asked us for anything, I do him packed lunch for college or he buys his own food.

He really needs his own space, he loves my one office day as this is his day off college and we are all at school / work. But doesn't want to go to Uni so for the foreseeable is living here.

YABU - it's a part time job and he's only 16, give him some slack.
YANBU - he's being lazy / peer pressured and a tough stance is needed

YANBU insomuch as at 16 he's old enough to have a work ethic and get off his backside to fulfill his obligation to his employer. But.. can you not see what has happened? Because he's getting all this cash for Christmas he doesn't see that he n me DW the moniso in his simple (as in, he's 16, they're all a bit simple!) Mind then why work when he had a few hundred £ in his pocket. Not clearly he hasn't sussed out that he could actually buy nice things instead of living on it if he earned some cash too. This mentality though is likely driven by my next point...

However, everything else you have described is of a young man who gets everything paid for him so it's no huge surprise.

He works and earns up to £600 a month but doesn't pay for his lunches, bus pass or phone? Essentially he's not learned any financial responsibility since working and so doesn't see the consequences of not earning as had had you to help him with his essentials. You'll soon see a change in his attitude to work/money when he needs to pay for his own lunches and phone bill and he'll moan, but won't be skipping shifts for a while that's for sure!

Stick to your guns. He made a commitment to the job so he needs to go. We had this for a few years when son worked at local supermarket. He landed up doing a really dreggy job there that no one would do. He finally jacked it in in the summer but by that time had landed his first proper job. I've often had to be big bad mum and force him out the door but he was fine when he got home and has an amazing work ethic which is standing him in good stead now with two demanding jobs he has. Sod the mouthy friend - is he going to pay for driving lessons? No. So get your uniform on and out you go.

Yes I can see that about getting the cash for Christmas and not been asked for any board as he was still in statutory education at that point. He's earned £49 each of these last two months so I genuinely thought that the four shifts at Christmas would be a motivator. Did not expect DM, MIL and Dsis to be as generous either, £300 between them. DD got the same. DM and MIL both have cancer so they spoiled them. Cash in envelopes to them in their presents.

Phone contract ends next December and he'll pay from then on. College fund the bus pass for all 16 - 18 year olds due to the huge rural county we are in. I can totally see why he doesn't feel the need to go to work so I guess saying no money from us next year and mates not coming in later if you can't be arsed to go to work is all I can do at this point!

@KathieFerrars thats the thing. I pick him up (it's a 14 mile drive down a country road with no buses) and he's full of stories about guests. We've had the conversation about the mouthy mate, and I've been blunt but it doesn't sink in sadly 🙄

@kessiebird Is there a really awful job (clearing out drains) that he would have to do instead

I'd give him the petrol money and jack in the job. Why should he slave for some super rich employer until he has to?

Not really unless there is money in it which there won't be. His reply in interview to why do you want this job was that he was motivated by money.

I think the answer is a longer term consequence such as getting no shifts in the Spring term and running out of disposable income by the end of Jan. Which he will unless he goes in later today and the other two shifts to show his face. Not being able to call to Pizza Express or Nandos with his friends who are earning or who's parents fund them might turn the light bulb on and get him out to work.

I've also worked out that his Christmas money is 13% of what he could earn over a year on one shift a week. But it doesn't sink in!

Will report back if he does miraculously go in!

I think the problem is here you could end up with a stand off where no one will really gain anything.

He is a teen. He will make mistakes, he will get things wrong. I don’t think forcing him to work with ultimatums will help him see the error of his ways - more likely to fuel the ‘slave labour’ feelings.

That's the deal that the £80 petrol comes from his child benefit but he's not getting that back now. Its going into savings for his 18th but I won't tell him that or make the mistake of giving him before Christmas! If he can't be arsed to polish a bit of cutlery and do room service then tough.

He had that £20 fuel as pocket money previously. Hasn't needed it since Feb 22

14 miles one way trip seems a long way away. But I know that this isn't the point of the thread!

Op, just leave him to it with the consequences that you have described. A 16 year old often thinks that they know everything, and any discussion is a waste of time. It will teach him a valuable life lesson.

I think you're absolutely right OP, lessons learned about work ethic and responsibility at this age are important. I had an ex at/after uni who went mental as a trainee junior accountant that he was asked to do some file culling at the end of the financial year, because that was an admin job. He'd never worked before that job as a graduate.

Me too @RewildingAmbridge I've seen that over the years - those of us who step in to do basic tasks like filing when I can see our admin are under pressure and those of us who don't. I didn't graduate until 26 and made plenty of mistakes.

Because I cocked up, I'm somewhere in the middle - just don't want DC to repeat same mistakes!!

Thanks for the advice. I'd not slept very well as I saw the text from him in the night...

Had a good chat.

He does want to work but detests working at this particular place. He clicked with one young lad who left, then his friend didn't last. His manager (a really nurturing older lady) got moved, they brought in two young managers to 'sort them out' who can be awful (I have seen that on WhatsApp before).

Today he's applied to a part time supermarket roll closer to home and updated Indeed. He was actually really keen about the part time supermarket

Still made it clear I think he should really go for these few shifts until he gets another part time job. And he knows we won't sub him if he slacks off. But at least I know that he wants to work, just not too keen on this particular place.

I think you are right to strongly suggest that he continues to work there until he gets a new job. DS (17) hated his last job and would look for any reason to not go in. He now has a different job and is much happier.
The new job is far less pleasant on paper, but it pays twice as much per hour and it involves several shorter shifts rather than losing a whole day over the weekend. People are often surprised to find out what he does, but he feels that his work is valued and likes the working conditions- he plugs in his headphones and off he goes: listening to podcasts/ music/ audiobooks as he works.
Jobs in rural areas are difficult to come by until you can drive (and that now takes forever due to strikes, delays etc). It's something that can be difficult to appreciate unless you are in the same position. The only job within walking distance here is a paper round.