AIBU to think DM did this on purpose?

[DairyDiary]

My DM and DDad had a bad divorce twenty years ago and my DM still hasn’t moved on - both as bad as each other in my opinion. DM has always had issues with me seeing DDad and, as an adult, I see him once or twice a year - I see my DM every other week or so. So much closer to DM. Last Boxing Day, I told my DM we were going to see DDad (she asked) and she got really upset (borderline hysterical), sobbing, saying how nasty we were and that Boxing Day was her favourite part of Christmas! So, this year, we planned to see my DDad on the 27th (and not to tell DM).

Yesterday, I posted some pictures on Facebook of my Christmas and my DDad’s partner commented that she’s looking forward to seeing us today. Before I saw it, my DM liked it - but she didn’t say anything to me. After last year, I don’t want to raise it.

I’m currently breastfeeding DD and she’s CMPA. As a result, I very quickly developed issues with dairy if I have any. Whenever we tried going up the milk ladder, DD was fine but I would get very unwell. Yesterday afternoon, DM asked if I’d like a hot chocolate and I said yes assuming she’d make it with my alternative milk/cream. Soon afterwards, I started having chest pains and palpitations, sweating and shivering. I’ve been vomiting all night, horrendous diarrhoea and I feel awful. Turns out, DM “forgot” and made it with real milk and cream (and a lot of it).

AIBU to think this was intentional to stop me from seeing DDad?

1. Only you know I'd your mum is capable of this.
2. Make sure you ask if what you are about to consume is usually prepared with shit loads of milk.

Either way I wouldn't let her look after your child without you supervising

So if the symptoms came on soon after, I assume she was still with you? What did she say when you became ill?

Hard to tell… if you’d asked about the milk and she’d said it was the right kind for you but wasn’t it would be different.

sorry it’s so difficult for you.

Your mum sounds pretty toxic and manipulative as well turning the tears on and having tantrums just because she doesn't like you going to your dad's. Your relationship with him is none of her business and looking at how manipulative and emotionally abusive she is it wouldn't surprise me at all if she did this on purpose. But it's all academic really because you're not going to do anything about it anyway. I'd personally stick some laxative in her tea to see how she likes it myself.

Next time don't post on social media until after your visit to DDad just in case an innocent comment is made again.

I avoid posting personal things on SM because I don't want the drama, especially when there is jealousy in the mix.

Your mother could have form for this, or it's an accident. It gets so complicated if she was trying to interfere with your contact with your DDad.

You've no way of knowing other than your gut feelings. So just remove the possibility of it ever happening again.

You can also set up your face book parameters so that if you are ever tagged in a post it gets your approval before. This gives you control over who can see others posts that include you.

Don't give her the information or the possibility of getting that information ever again. Your relationship with your DDad is private.

Ha ha…

Q “how do I know if someone is vegan?”

A: “oh don’t worry… they’ll tell you 😂🤣

It doesn’t, but it’s an obviously rhetorical question

If you genuinely believe your own mother tried to poison you so you wouldn’t see your father then you need to go nc with her.

Unless there's a backstory of her doing cruel and malicious things, I am stunned that you would even think that!

Yeah, I would say she has done that on purpose and if she has, she’s literally poisoned you. That is unforgivable IMO.

When my DN was cmpa my mum deliberately gave him dairy because she thought the diagnosis was ‘rubbish’ and then blamed me when I called her out on it. My DB yelled at me & I had to remind him I wasn’t the one feeding or making any of DN’s dinner that day. So don’t dismiss it. Some types of personality would totally do this to get their own way.

Unless she has done something similar previously it's hard to tell whether it was deliberate or not.

What we do know, from your OP is that:

1. she throws tantrums to emotionally manipulate you into getting her own way
2. her and your reaction to the social media post and like seem to suggest that passive aggression is her go-to way of dealing with things that make her feel uncomfortable
3. her daughter thinks she is capable of poisoning her

She sounds like an emotionally unhealthy woman who is making you responsible for managing her negative emotions.

We can't answer this. You need to talk to the woman in question.

I have a child who is lactose intolerant. He was diagnosed a year or so ago. I forget. All the time.

I don’t know what to suggest, OP but I think it perfectly possible it wasn’t done on purpose.

I don't know. People often make drinks on autopilot, and your mum has had a very long time making your drinks with real milk in them - I can see it's plausible she forgot, especially as you didn't remind her. It's an ingrained habit, so tough to crack.

However, if you have family who hate each other, why have you added them all on FB? Seems like an easy way to stir up unnecessary drama. If you must have social media, keep it to friends only!

She sees her mum roughly once a fortnight,

I remember that kind of info about friends, let alone DC and DGC.

She didn't forget...

Cmon now. You don’t know these people or this woman to accuse her like this. None of us do

op, as said if you genuinely think your mother would deliberately poison you, and we can’t comment if your mother Really is that vile a human, but if you think she is you need to go no contact immediately

I think you like stirring the pot.
It's very easy to mute and separate things on sm.

You only visit your DF once or twice a year but visit your DM several times a month, but somehow she's the horse's arse trying to poison you?

It's more likely she forgot, and I'm wondering how you didn't notice when you got the drink? Or that you didn't check the cream, as it's not an everyday item that you would expect to be in stock.
I have family members with different food intolerances, and we always discuss if we've got them a special treat .." ooh look, I found this gluten/dairy/whatever free biscuit for you, are you ok to try it?" I would have thought non-dairy cream would fall into this category of things that are not always in someone's store cupboard, and so would be mentioned.
I hope it was that she forgot, horrible to think of it being deliberate.

Delphinium Blue this presumably was made somewhere where OP has her own supply of non dairy stuff, unless I've misread it was either at her own house or her DM's house so there would be no need to mention a new product.

If she's made you hot chocolate with the correct stuff before then she should know what to use