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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP listens to podcasts out loud AT NIGHT

149 replies

breezinthrough · 26/12/2022 22:34

Sorry this is going to be a long one!

I’ve been living with DP for 2 years now, before that he was happily living in his “bachelor pad” alone for about 4 years. We have a 6 month old DS together.
we are having serious relationship problems at the moment, we’re due to get married this summer and he’s said to hold off picking a dress (heartbreaking thing to be told).
The main problem which has been ongoing for as long as I’ve lived with him- he listens to podcasts at night time out loud. He does this to fall asleep but also does it in the middle of the night if he wakes up and can’t get back to sleep.
This was annoying before we had a baby but now it’s infuriating. When I ask him to turn it down he gets so annoyed and claims I’m always telling him what to do in his own house (i moved into his place) and that he “cant even listen to a podcast in my own house” (he pays the rent and I pay for everything else in the house bar one bill but we have a family now so I expect him to call it “our” house but he won’t)
Anyway it came to a head on Christmas Eve, he played his podcast to get to sleep, I asked him to turn it down and he did after some grumpy words but it was at 3.30am in the morning when he put a podcast on again and woke me up (from my sleep in between waking up to breastfeed DS) I angry-whispered at him to turn it down or turn it off or sleep downstairs on the couch.
He got up angrily and slept down on the couch. That was the first time he ever slept on the couch. On Christmas night me and DS stayed in my parents as scheduled but tonight I’m home and DP has decided to sleep downstairs again.
AIBU to tell him what to do in terms of listening to these podcasts “in his own house”? Am I being controlling? Is there another way around this? (He won’t use earphones-refuses to)
Is our relationship doomed and now he’s sleeping on the couch and loving being able to listen to his podcasts all night will he ever come back upstairs or are we totally down the drain?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/12/2022 22:37

Your relationship is totally doomed. 100%. Being with a man this inherently selfish will never work. Get rid.

UnfinishedUserna · 26/12/2022 22:37

It might be stating the obvious but... headphones?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 26/12/2022 22:38

Move out. You'll get more sleep that way. And you won't be held hostage (in terms of sleep - deliberately depriving you of which is abuse) by an arsehole.

BoxOfCats · 26/12/2022 22:38

That's very selfish. Has he said why he can't wear headphones? You can also get speakers that go under your pillow which minimise noise to anyone else in the bed.

Tooshytoshine · 26/12/2022 22:38

Give yourself a proper present this year and get rid of him.

DecayedStrumpet · 26/12/2022 22:40

I can't even understand the mental process that would lead someone to think of deliberately putting on noise with someone asleep in the same room, let alone a sleep-deprived new mum!

Are the 'serious relationship problems' to do with him being incredibly selfish in other ways too, by any chance?

iswintercoming · 26/12/2022 22:40

He sounds like a pathetic, selfish man-baby.

minipie · 26/12/2022 22:40

He’s an arsehole. Sorry OP.

No normal person would think it was ok to wake other people up in the middle of the night rather than use earphones. Only a selfish twat would.

Calling it his house rather than yours, and telling you to hold off picking a dress, is also nasty behaviour.

If you didn’t have a DS I’d say leave. Since you do I will say have some firm words with him about treating you as an equal.

Wingedharpy · 26/12/2022 22:41

I won't comment on his attitude but a pillow speaker was a Godsend for us as DH liked to listen to radio in bed, all night long too.

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/12/2022 22:41

You know you can get those sleep headphones things on a headband? He probably won’t want to use them though.

Anyway, I think he’s a bad one and are probably best chucking him back. Figure out how you will stand financially asap.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 26/12/2022 22:41

So you have a baby and a stroppy teenager op?
Fuck that.
Take your dc and go home to your family. Leave him to his house... Alone.
Sadly I bet he won't even care.

Akite · 26/12/2022 22:42

That's so ridiculous. He just wears headphones - non-negotiable.
I listen to podcasts for exactly the same reasons and wouldn't dream of just playing them out loud because I'm not a selfish arsehole. If he can't see that he's being a test, don't marry him, just bin him off. Seriously. Life is far too short.

DuncanBiscuits · 26/12/2022 22:42

I’ve got a Bluetooth sleep mask. It helps with my insomnia.

It doesn’t cure utter arseholery, though, sadly.

PriamFarrl · 26/12/2022 22:42

Two options. 1 He uses headphone or a pillow speaker. 2 You leave.
Simple as that.

Zanatdy · 26/12/2022 22:43

What a selfish arse, why can’t he just get wireless headphones??

SirenSays · 26/12/2022 22:43

If he were a decent man I'd say get him one of those pillows or headband things that can play music for his podcasts but he doesn't deserve it.

amiold · 26/12/2022 22:44

Hold of picking a dress ?!

Leave the waste of space. He isn't supportive. Keeps you awake. Likes to tell you it's his house. Do not let him dump you. You dump him and leave for a happier life

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 26/12/2022 22:45

I am weird and need to listen to an audiobook to fall asleep. Literally can't sleep without it. No fucking way would I even think to play it out loud while DH was sleeping though. I wear headphones. Once the headphones broke and I went to sleep on the sofa. Ridicuous that he doesn't turn it down when you ask him to.

pictoosh · 26/12/2022 22:46

Oh my goodness how bloody awful. wtf is with that? Who does that??

Is he domineering/selfish/controlling in other ways OP?

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 26/12/2022 22:46

Sounds doomed tbh. Take the money for the dress and use it to get as property for you and dc.

I listen to podcasts to fall asleep. The phone is under my pillow on the lowest setting. I can't imagine having it on loud with someone else in the room!

cariadlet · 26/12/2022 22:48

What a selfish twat.

I like to listen to podcasts or audio books in bed.
If I go up first, I put them on a sleep timer and if they're still playing when DP comes up, then I switch them off.
If he's already in bed when I go up, then I use headphones.

I wouldn't dream of using any kind of device when my partner was trying to sleep unless I was 100% sure that he couldn't hear and the light wasn't disturbing him.

glamourousindierockandroll · 26/12/2022 22:49

He's an arse. I also like to listen to things at night to help me sleep, but I have a special headband with inbuild headphones that I use. Occasionally I listen out loud as DH likes to listen to a boring podcast now and again as well, but I would never do it if he wasn't up for it.

Neverhot · 26/12/2022 22:49

I can't believe how incredibly selfish that is. Who even thinks listening to a podcast out loud when someone else is trying to sleep is OK?

misskatamari · 26/12/2022 22:50

Fucking hell. Are you serious?? Like - what the actual fuck!?!? No! Just. No!

he is being so unreasonable I can’t believe this is actual real (not troll hunting, I just mean in a “no one could actually think this is okay” way!)

bloody hell man, get some head phones or air pods and listen to your hearts content. But this…? No!

this would be serious LTB territory if he thinks this is okay and is making you out to be the bad guy in this. Who the hell thinks it’s okay to start making noise in the middle of the night. Selfish bloody arse! Do not marry this man

Willowswood · 26/12/2022 22:52

UnfinishedUserna · 26/12/2022 22:37

It might be stating the obvious but... headphones?

Did you read the op?

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