To be upset that my partner said we’re only get married for tax reasons?

[Angrymum202]

I announced to my family yesterday that we are planning on getting married next year after 4 years being engaged. First thing out of my partners mouth was that it’s only for tax reasons.. he’s now saying I have psychological issues for being upset over this.

Did he mean it as a joke but it landed flatly? Do you feel like you've had to drag him to this point given you've been engaged for 4 years?
Only you really can know this but yanbu if you feel like you've had to jump through hoops and cajool him into this.

Don't marry him.

Life is so much better not being tied to a man

Never mind one who wants you to marry for money... or tax reasons...

Same here too.

I’ve come to the conclusion he’s a cunt and I’m done. Just baked the engagement ring in an apple crumble and left it in the kitchen for him. Hope he doesn’t choke on it.

Well that's an update and a half!

This.

We only got married for tax and legal reasons. That is what marriage is.

To you maybe. That’s not why I got married.

r i g h t ........

So this has nothing to do with the thing he said then, whether intended as a joke or not.

Why not put that sort of level of hatred into the opening post, as it clearly is pretty relevant. Saying what he did, on it's own, is very different from him saying something you didn't find funny when there is already so much hate there.

Trust me, you would hate him too if you knew. Let me just give some advice, don’t let someone devalue you to the point where you question you’re own worth, whether that be a friend, partner colleague or family member. Just trust me on this, it’ll destroy your soul and take away the beauty of the good things in life. Hard lesson learnt though. I’m out

Just read your update and hope you are ok and please reach out to friends or family or women's aid if you need to talk to somebody and keep posting if you need support. If he has been a dickhead and tries to make you feel like crap for years then you are better without him and you can find peace of mind and rebuild yourself and your confidence, nothing worse than been with someone who is manipulative and puts you down and gaslights you. Stay strong things will get better. Only when we are away from these people that we realize we should have left earlier but they have us so downtrodden that we don't even realize what is going on except that we feel out of sorts. Read up on narcissistic abuse. Take care xx

Well, tbf, I'm in Switzerland and have asked my husband if he'd like to divorce for tax reasons as we don't have kids and our tax bill went up stupidly when we got married. Just met up with a Brit/German couple for Christmas lunch and they've been advised not to get married by a tax adviser with baby no 2 on the way. So because they aren't married he can't automatically go on the birth certificate.

Bloody hell id have got married for that tax break too!

Why have you been engaged for four years, which is a really, really long time?

What is the reason for getting married now?

Obviously more to it OP in your case, but fwiw i know at least half a dozen couples in Germany who got married for tax reasons. No reflection on their relationship, they were happy enough together beforehand & since but the actual paperwork was literally a financial decision. If I remember rightly most as /shortly after they turned 30 - not sure if that was another threshold.

Why are so many threads over this period akin to piloted Eastenders plot lines?