Another Christmas post

[sahm9]

I’m sorry to add another post about Christmas.
This year is the first time my child has understood Christmas, so I truly had the most magical day, absolutely overjoyed and amazing.
I’ve spent months making sure my family (and beyond family) had the most amazing day, the past few years have been hard and I really wanted to make it special for everyone.
I got nothing for Christmas, nothing at all. And that’s okay, I don’t care for material items. Just something thoughtful, a scribble on paper off my toddler helped by dad would have made my whole year.
my husband of 13 years but in no thought, time, effort after I’ve not stopped for months. I bought all his families cards and presents, wrapped everything sorted everything etc and he can’t even get me a card??? I feel unappreciated and just shit to be honest. To add to it he was so miserable all day and made no effort with family, didn’t even hear a word out of him all day. He opted out of coming to the Boxing Day celebration today.
I don’t want to sound ungrateful as I had the best day ever with my son, seeing his face lit up was something I’ll never forget.
just feel really, really sad.

YANBU to be pissed off.

YABU to put yourself across as "being ungrateful" when you are actually just expecting to be treated with respect. You need to have higher standards for those around you and to remember your own worth.

Time for a clear conversation - either your DP wants to exchange presents or he doesn't. A shame if he doesn't, but at least you'll save the time and effort of his gift and you can get yourself something. Also, stop buying gifts for his side of the family.

Is there some background reason for his zero effort and moodiness? Does he have form for this type of behaviour?

I would really tell him how disappointed you feel. It's never been easier to purchase a small gift for someone. He doesn't even have to leave the sofa. Again, before gift haters leap on - it's not the monetary value it's the effort and meaning.

Shoe him the thread if you are brave enough

Yanbu to be upset by your lazy, selfish, unappreciative dh who didn't buy you a present and was a miserable sod on Christmas day. Yabu to spend months making everything amazing for everyone...who asked you to do that?

I think that’s the person I am, I always have been. I try not to be. I think (and know from therapy) it’s ongoing issues from childhood traumas so I try to please everyone so they never felt like I did which is funny because I’m back to feeling like that now. It’s done a full 360

YANBU. But on Christmas when you gave him his gifts and he gave you nothing in return, did you not ask "did you not buy me anything"? And what did he say in response, if you did?

He sounds horrible and selfish.

Thank you.
We had a brief conversation about Christmas, he asked me about it a while ago and I said I had my eye on an air fryer (like everyone else in the world) but really would of just wanted something off my son. A photo of us together in a frame or literally a handprint on a piece of paper would have done me.
Oh well, I think next week me and my son will head into the city and he can help me choose something for myself

I was totally in the moment on Christmas Day, my son opening his gifts and I was playing with him, he was so excited and shouting mummy to me every second! I gave my husband his gifts and that was that, it wasn’t until he was sat there I realised he hasn’t got me anything. I was embarrassed to ask because I knew he hasn’t at the point. I did make a point to mention in front of my whole family that I didn’t receive anything at all- I’m sick of protecting him.

Yeah this is very typical for him. He is a generous person in terms of taking care of us but doesn’t have a thoughtful bone in his body.

I'd be really pissed off too OP. I think you should resolve to make far less effort next year as it's completely unappreciated.
You're not being ungrateful. You'd mentioned the airfryer and I assume he's not hard of hearing. It's the work of minutes to go online and order that. That coupled with the grumpiness is horrible.