to sometimes really resent DS wanting DH/his Dad?!

[DontBuyANewMumCashmere]

Married, two kids 8 and 3. (I'm sure the eldest also did this...)

3yo is a sweet, lovely little boy. He's very loving and tactile. I work PT shift work and DH works FT, two days out of the home and the rest wfh.

Whenever DH is out and I have the kids, they hardly ask for him. Whenever he's around, my 3yo default wants him. If he's feelings cuddly he probably wants me, and if he's scared or upset it's me, but bedtimes in particular it's DH.

When I'm doing bedtime if DH is out he doesn't seem to mind at all and doesn't ask after DH! Tonight I'm doing bedtime for the first time in three nights and was genuinely looking forward to reading a story and giving him a love, and he cried so hard for his dad. I wanted to give DH a break, wanted to spend time with DS and so I just carried on, geeing him on and getting through it, but I was so sad that he didn't want me there! He was overtired and cranky but I just felt pretty rejected and felt quite tearful myself.

I bloody made you and fed you for over two years, you ungrateful so and so! 😉

I also, not to drip feed, would say I do the lion's share of the childcare (was SAHM for 3 years) took him to all clubs and classes, and would say I am more able to do the playful/responsive parenting, and so I find it a massive kick in the fanny as DH is more prone to losing his temper and often snaps at the kids. DS also occasionally says things like "No I want daddy, I like daddy more". When he does I just say "Well I love you and I'm doing bedtime tonight". I try not to take it personally but struggled tonight, had a fairly rubbish Christmas this year!

The only thing I can do is just ignore it and remind myself it's a stage, right?

Bump

Unfortunately yes it's a phase, not a nice one but it will pass.

I think this is something Men get on a regular basis.

Dad is more of a novelty as you are mostly always there.

As hard as it is he loves you both but likes bedtime with Dad.

My child does this, I get him ready for bed and send him to say good night to his dad. It’s not personal. Give yourself a break.

DS has done this with both DH and I at various points. It just happens, it’s not personal.

Children often desperately seek the attention of the parent they feel less connected to, and more of a conditional relationship with. Take it as confirmation of how your son takes your love and attention for granted at this stage x

100% this.
I have had this with my son but I know from conversations I’ve had with him decades later that he was just craving the attention of the parent who was a bit less present.
The little guy knows he ‘has you’ and is secure in that. He’s working to establish the same thing with his dad.

My kids would fight over who got to sit next to their dad at a restaurant or on a fair ride. I felt like the loser got me...but they were with me every day and wanted their dad's time. It did hurt at the time but you have to just rationalise it. They don't mean to hurt your feelings. Perhaps do every other day so that he knows that you take turns.

My DS prefers his dad at bedtime. But that's partly cause DH is more willing to lay with him until he falls asleep. Where as I will give him a kiss and cuddle and leave him there.

It is just a phase though. He loves you both but his favourite parent will vary over time.

My DD also 3 idolises her dad she wants Daddy to do nearly everything for her and I'm absolutely second best when DS came along he was super clingy to me and was a right mummas boy however he's now 18 months and is giving it Dad dad dad and often cries for his dad if he leaves the room so I think he may follow in his sister footsteps. I just console myself that when we go on holiday in May they'll both want to play with Daddy and for Daddy to do xyz and I'll be able to sit and drink my wine in peace 🍷

Thanks everyone, you're all right and I try not to take it personally.