Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Screaming & shouting at us to walk in the direction she wanted to go

19 replies

AllthesethingsthatIhavedone · 26/12/2022 19:58

Dd, 4

We went for a dog walk in the nearby woods by our house today. We said we were going up the hill part so we could go across and down the other side. Ddog had already ran up and we were on our way in that direction. Dd started screaming and shouting that we had to go the other way, we told her that no we’d be coming back that way, she totally lost it and was ordering us around really loudly. It was like a standoff and we ended up walking in the direction we said we were going in and looking back, waiting for her. Eventually she gave in and walked the way we said with us, most at the time shouting at us to *Stop looking at her!
Is this normal behaviour? Did we deal
with this the right way/would you have done the same?
We normally give her a fair amount of choice/decision making in our plans and at other times would have been ok for her to choose the route and just gone with it. On the occasion, we were already walking, the dog had ran off and just due to her behaviour and tone, we weren’t going to back down.
What would you have done?

OP posts:
Original poster
AllthesethingsthatIhavedone · 26/12/2022 19:59

*To go in

OP posts:
Original poster
AllthesethingsthatIhavedone · 26/12/2022 20:00

*On this occasion

OP posts:
Bobbybobbins · 26/12/2022 20:00

I think you dealt with it fine. Possibly a bit overtired/overstimulated from all the excitement of Christmas?

Oysterbabe · 26/12/2022 20:02

My kids of a similar age have the odd episode of this kind of behaviour. Pretty normal I think.

Notallroses · 26/12/2022 20:03

I wouldn't have been ordered about by a 4 year old. There would possibly be consequences like no treats when we get home?

CrapBag39 · 26/12/2022 20:04

Most 4yo are knobheads occasionally. You handled it fine.

Lilyhatesjaz · 26/12/2022 20:04

I think I might have seen you on my walk today or someone in a very similar situation. All 4 year olds do this, what you did was fine. It gets easier

WickedWangoCard · 26/12/2022 20:07

You did the right thing. Don't let any child have their own way when they're throwing tantrums like that. Like another poster said, I will not take orders from a 4 year old.

Relax in the knowledge you did nothing wrong, and your child will grow up soon enough!

surreygirl1987 · 26/12/2022 20:08

My 4 year old still does this sometimes. He was awful at 2-3 though.

NeedToChangeName · 26/12/2022 20:08

I think you dealt with it well. Pick your battles, so sometimes it's ok to let her choose the route. But on this occasion, you had to follow the dog

MarshaBradyo · 26/12/2022 20:09

End of age 3 was worst for us but dd age 4 still has the odd full on moment

Untitledsquatboulder · 26/12/2022 20:10

God I remember my nephew doing this. In the end we had to potato sack him home howling. The way he wanted to go wasn't even the right way home but he.just.would.not.quit.

He's 23 now. Nice lad, laid back.

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 26/12/2022 20:18

Pretty normal yes. I think they all have those mad defiant nobhead moments.

Sounds like you dealt with it well though.

SeaToSki · 26/12/2022 20:19

I used to tell the dc at that age that item x or activity y was a choice or not a choice thing..so they knew if they could have input or had to go along with it. 4 yr olds are starting to find their boundaries, so you have to give them some or they start to think that they are running the show… but equally its nice to let them have some control over things so that they start to see cause and effect..so i jump in a puddle with trainers on and my feet are wet and cold all the way home and next time I will walk around the puddle. Try the ‘this is a choice or not a choice’ structure..but you have to do it in advance, not half way through.

Original poster
AllthesethingsthatIhavedone · 26/12/2022 20:20

She’s like this quite a lot! So headstrong and wanting to be in charge 😫She used to be very chilled, right bossy one now

OP posts:
ZooMount · 26/12/2022 20:24

Oh god completely normal. We have a dog walk from home that is a circular route so could go in either direction and we often have the kids arguing about which way they want to go. If one wants to go one way you can guarantee the other will choose the other way. We just take it in turns to pick now. It's fine if you'd made the decision to go that way to stand your ground and make come with you, but equally it's ok to back down and let them choose sometimes, you just pick your battles.

CoodleMoodle · 26/12/2022 20:35

Sounds like my 4yo DS! He's getting better but still does it sometimes, it's like when he gets an idea into his head of how he wants something to be, he cannot let it drop. There's no negotiating or distracting or anything. His sister wasn't like this at all, she was mostly just happy to go with whatever (still is, normally) so it's very different this time!

I think you handled it fine, I would probably do the same thing (and half the time he'd eventually follow, the other half I'd have to go back and carry him under my arm!).

Summerfun54321 · 26/12/2022 20:42

You just have to keep teaching and showing them how to talk to you in a kind, respectful way. They finally get the hang of it in their late teens.

IhearyouClemFandango · 26/12/2022 20:51

Sounds fairly average for the age. You did the right thing staying calm and persevering. Going into battle when they're feeling like that helps no-one.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page