To think that some people just like being a matyr?

[Burgoo]

I have been taken aback by the sheer number of posts in the past few days about how people's partners, children, friends etc make people feel "put upon" and that they end up "doing everything" and people don't appreciate them.

I wonder whether some people (not everyone obviously) secretly enjoy being a martyr and having a whinge about how they do everything for everyone and don't get any recognition?

If you don't feel appreciated you have three choices:

Tell them how you feel, directly and clearly
Accept that people won't appreciate you
Stay miserable

There aren't many other options really.

There is a great piece of research on the role of narcissism in martyr behaviour and how SOME (again, NOT all) individuals opt to do things just so they can moan later about how hard done by they are (I will try to dig it out).

Does anyone else get this impression or am I just heartless?

Please feel free to DM me any feedback, I am really open to conversation about this and I don't often check back on threads I make (1. it gets personal and 2. I don't like scrawling through old posts to find things).

I think for the most part lots of women on MN accused of martyrdom are shielding their children from the tactical incompetence of useless partners by picking up their slack.

For some, it's a temporary state of affairs until they give up on any real change on the state of play and others dig in and endure it for a lifetime.

Can you not call his bluff? It's his problem to either change his flights or find somewhere else to stay for the last four days because you have already made it clear that you are only hosting him for three days. He obviously doesn't care what you think or how you feel (in fact he obviously holds you in contempt to so blatantly disregard your feelings) so why should you care about him?

I just asked them “what’s a matyr with you?”

😏

Who wants to be a Martyr to their own thread?

I have a friend who plays this role in almost every relationship she’s been in.

she expects x behaviour
he responds with y behaviour as he always has since she knew him
she bemoans that he cannot do x (even though he never has). This comes out in various ways, how little he thinks of her, why can’t he just do x, it would be so easy for him, she has to do y all the time so why can’t he do x.

she wants a square peg in a round hole - and sympathy that t won’t fit.

🥳🥳🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🤗🤔😬😬😴

Yup. My MIL and it’s why I didn’t want to spend Christmas Day with her this year. She is a lovely, lovely women with heart in the right place but she insists on doing all cooking for herself, if someone else tries to she is visibly uncomfortable with it, tries to give them instructions BUT moans when her kids ask her to cook them something, jokingly complain about the quality of the food. It’s like she loves it. Very annoying. A prime example she was here last Christmas and a friend was coming over, we were out of mince pies and I offered to go the shops. No, she insists on making them herself, from scratch and then sulked when she ran out of time and got really angry about it. Awkward situation as I was kind of like ‘I could have just gone to the shop’ but then you feel ungrateful 🙈. Very annoying and exhausting to be around.

😂😂😂

Why on earth would you start a thread and then decide that you cba to read the replies? Talk about shouting into the void or what….

Well, this was a complete waste of your time then OP. And mine, but I’m done now.

Yes. My ex would do things like that. Maybe they'd planned to go out and then wouldn't due to not having money or time. They seemed to get a buzz over people fussing over them.
They also frequently claimed to have lost or had stolen significant sums of cash. Everyone else would feel guilty as perhaps a suspect and of course feel lots of sympathy too.
Looking back now, how many times would you leave a large sum of cash in an unlocked car on the driveway? Either they deserved it for being repeatedly stupid or more likely just made up the thefts to bask in the sympathy,

Taking this as genuine topic I think people seem to feed off drama on here, someone posts something long drawn out then most people will say things like it doesn't need to be that way or stop and think and other people who also feed off drama go along with the op

Then the op is told to do something about or people wonder why if the partner they are with is that bad why have 10 kids with them type thing or the people that live off this weird inlaw competition thing

I agree, faaaaar to important to be reading through threads they created. I was ready to respond properly until I read that gem.