Friends set up with her child's dad

[righthererightnow10]

Am I being unreasonable to find this a bit odd. I have a friend who has a 9 year old. Her and her daughters dad are very good at co parenting, she seems able to go with the flow even when he is annoying her. However, they have such a close relationship that I find it very strange that they're not together.

For instance, Christmas Eve, her the ex and her daughter go out for a family Christmas meal just the three of them. On Christmas morning he went to his exes at 7 am to watch his daughter open presents and then stayed for 5 hours until they had to leave to go meet her family.

Last night she picked him up from his families house and gave him a lift home because he had some beers.

They literally behave like a happy family, whenever I see them together they are all laughs and joke and she still says she sees them as a family unit.

There have been other partners present throughout and although at times when they have other partners they don't remain as close, they still will go out for meals together as a family, the ex will still come on Christmas morning etc.

AIBU to wonder why they just don't get back together or aren't together if they get on so well?

Is this a reverse? You’re the “friend” and people think your set up is weird?

Says a lot about you that THAT is your first thought.

That little girl is so lucky. They are a happy family. No need to change it, it works.

Is this a serious post?

Just because two people are mature enough to co parent well and realise how beneficial it for their child to see their parents getting on, doesn’t mean they are suited to each other as a couple. It’s a low bar if the only requirement for you to be in a couple is havIng a child together and getting on enough to go for meals or have Xmas as a unit.

It’s such stupid thinking that this can’t be real. 🤦🏻‍♀️

That's just excellent co parenting isn't it?

It’s how all parents that split should aim to do it, in the interests of the children. It’s sad that it’s seen as so great, it should be seen as normal.

Oops someone’s having a temper tantrum 🤣

I have pretty much exactly this relationship with my dc's dad. We were together for 15 years and he is still my family and my best friend. We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day together and all stayed over at his house.

I haven't been sexually attracted to him in years (and actually never was very much, but that's another rather long story) and the thought of anything sexual with him makes me cringe. I don't want to be with him in that way, or live in the same house as him, but I am very glad to have him in my life.

I know it's unusual, but I don't see why it's weird. It works for us, and presumably for your friend too. Our children are happy and have a mum and dad who parent them together.

Maybe you're the one with the problem?

YABU, tbh. I often will do things with my ex as a family with our son and I’d cringe or die laughing if anyone suggested that means we should get back together.

Co-parenting is about putting the child first. Me and my ex are connected by our son no matter what, so we might as well get along (this isn’t always possible, I’m not preaching, god knows he’s been bloody unreasonable in the past but we’re in a good spot rn). Sounds like your friend is in a good place with her coparenting.

I don’t see it as any different from doing stuff with any other extended member of family. Some argue it’s confusing for the kid but I don’t think it is at all. My son doesn’t even remember when we were together, and there’s never any suggestion that we will be again.

I have no idea about anyone else's situation but my ex and I are both higher rate taxpayers and don't even qualify for child benefit, so no, 'bennies' don't come into it.

Also, have a

Why don't you just ask your friend? Why is anyone here going to shed any insight?

Same here. I get DLA for our youngest and single person C.Tax but no CB, UC, whatever. The assumption that all single mothers are uneducated, unemployed, scroungers needs to fucking stop.

@Lenald

Well I wasn't aware calling someone a judgemental twat was a tantrum. But cheers for clearing that up 👍🏽

I wish I was like this with my ex. At one point we were and everything was great.

Then he went off the rails, tried to bankrupt me, told me he'd emigrated when he hadn't and started to let our daughter down.

It's gone downhill even more since then and he called at the beginning of the month to put things right. Like a stupid cunt I believed him because I want to see the good in him and I wanted to believe him.

He's let her down again, let me down with his bullshit with empty promises and didn't want to speak to her on Christmas Day.

He's the scum of the earth as far as I am
Concerned now that was his last chance I haven't got anymore left to give him.

It was my second thought, and more plausible than my first 😂

It's none of your business!

My Dsis and ex-BIL have been like this over the years. They split up when my nephews were 6 and 3 and, rather than trying to juggle who was having the boys where and when on Xmas day, my ex-BIL used to come over very early on Xmas morning and watch the boys open their presents. They'd have a nice brunch together and hang out for the day, playing with toys etc, then ex-BIL would take the kids over to his parents' around 5pm. It's worked so well for them all over the years. The boys know they are loved equally by mum and dad, and have been comfortable in both their homes. No aggro from either side - just co-parenting very successfully. The "boys" are now 27 and 24, and have very healthy relationships with both sides of their family. Unlike other pp, my DSis and her ex-H aren't even 'friends' as such - they were just keen enough to minimise any disruption to their sons, and wanted to provide a joint family set-up around Christmas, etc.

So sorry for my lack of paragraphs! I'm getting this glitch that won't allow them.

Why does the fact that you coparent adequately with someone and get on with them OK mean you should be in a relationship with them?

My ex and I still sometimes behave like this and do things as a “family” a lot with my daughter. We separated when she was four and wild horses wouldn’t drag me back into an intimate relationship with him.

Moreover they probably actually coparent better because they are not romantically connected, there’s less fuss and emotional baggage.

Your outlook appears to be that because you have a passable relationship with someone with whom you share a child there’s an obligation to remain together. It’s pretty depressing.