To think this gift money should be family money / some be spent on the children ?

[Xmas432]

FIL is a Muslim so doesn't celebrate Christmas or participate in gifting although when he does drop in over the Christmas period he'll usually give DH some money for us to treat the kids or whatever else. Usually DH allocates £20 or so each for the children from whatever he is given. FIL doesn't gift on birthdays either, never has, there's no malice in it he just doesn't do things like that.

FIL dropped in yesterday evening. We hadnt seen him in a while so that was nice. DH mentioned this morning that FIL had given him a couple of hundred pounds.

I asked DH what he planned to do with it and he said "I don't know" whilst putting it into his wallet, no gift money allocated to the children this year then.

I'm a bit peeved as DH got spoilt rotten this year, by me, and he got away with having to do very little prep in the run up to Christmas as I bought the vast majority of DC's presents myself.

AIBU to think he should get/do something for/with the children as opposed to just pocketing it for himself? It's DS 5th birthday in a couple of weeks for instance and he won't get anything from grandparents on DH's side.

He said he doesn't know, he didn't say he's not giving the kids any.

But obviously you need to speak to him again when he's had more time to think.

he'll usually give DH some money for us to treat the kids or whatever else

If that is what FiL has said, then I would use it for an annual pass for an attraction or a couple of family days out in the Summer.

However, that does depend on family circumstances. For some families, a couple of hundred pounds might mean having the heating on a bit more.
I wouldn't necessarily suddenly start looking on line for something else I could buy for a little one's birthday.
If giving it direct to the dc I would buy them Premium bonds so they can cash them in when they need it when they get older.

I bought the vast majority of DC's presents myself. as in with your own money? Or with family money?

Why does he instantly need to know what he's doing with the money?

GP give cash every year and I put it aside for the panto or ice skating or farm trips when younger - always experiences not stuff. Maybe make a new tradition?

I think you might be jumping the gun getting upset about this. He hasn't said that he's not going to spend the money on the family or the children, he just doesn't know what he's going to spend it on yet. It doesn't sound like he's normally selfish with the money so why would you expect him to be this time?

I'd probably wait and see what the gas bill looked like before buying treats at th moment, tbh.

I'm a bit peeved as DH got spoilt rotten this year, by me, and he got away with having to do very little prep in the run up to Christmas as I bought the vast majority of DC's presents myself.

Whose money did you use to buy presents for DC?

Also, did your DH spoil you rotten?

I think you're jumping to conclusions. He's just had the money, hasn't had time to think about it, and you've had one very brief conversation about it. You'll work out what to do with it at some point.

It depends in what context he gave him the money. If it was specifically said to him it’s for him it’s his. Did FIL say here treat the family or this is for you son?

Do you normally not discuss things with your husband before you make assumptions and get angry?

My PIL do similar, so it depends what we use the money for.
I think your main problem is your DH letting you carry the mental load. You shouldn't be sorting all the presents by yourself and it's not clear if you paid for them alone or not.

As usual on MN you have a DH problem and your FILs gift is not the main issue here.

Haven't your kids got enough? Do they actually need anything?

So OH pocket family gift money? What a selfish p*k.
He needs pulled up on this....

It's not family gift money, is it? It's money from his dad to him.