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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Abusive ex- Harrassment

4 replies

HatersGonnaHate90 · 26/12/2022 03:31

Posting here for traffic as I really need opinions and advice (other then the obvious)

Split with my toxic ex (narcissistic and abusive) last year. Early in the split there was significant harassment and stalking. He would call, text 100s of times a day (I'd block the number but he'd get a new one), turn up at my house knocking and kicking the door for hours and turn up "coincidentally" when I was out. Police were involved and this eventually stopped being frequent but was still sporadically ongoing. Logged with police each time.

Over the past few weeks, especially the last week including today, the calls, texts and visits to my house have become very frequent again. I've called the police each time but they have said its christmas perioid so its not priority and someone will be in touch within the next 2 weeks. I accidently answered the door yesterday to him as I was expecting a takeaway but immediately closed and locked the door, this infuriated him and he was eventually escorted away by police after i rang them 7 times.

After that, I came to a family members house as i didnt feel safe and today he has been non stop on 5 different numbers, leaving countless voicemails, etc. He's clearly enraged. Again not a priority to police.

I'm not afraid right now about my safety as he doesn't know where I am but I'm very concerned about my property being left dormant for a period of time. My MH is taking a huge hit stressing over this and I just want to be free.

How, if possible, can I get rid of him and feel safe (or atleast secure going back home)? My property is rented and any damage he causes I will be liable for too. I don't know what to do and he's ruining my Christmas.

I feel terrible putting this onto family too, after a tough year they deserve to just have a stress free few weeks enjoying the festivities 😔

OP posts:
SchnauzerEyebrows · 26/12/2022 03:43

Call the NCDV and ask for a Non Mol Order. This can be done without his knowledge and is a restraining order. Unless you earn a LOT then it's covered by Legal Aid via the Domestic Abuse gateway

SchnauzerEyebrows · 26/12/2022 03:44

Once the court issue it (without him there) he will be served it on paper in person by a court Sheriff. Then If he breaks a non mol order, it's 5 years in prison.

Summer2424 · 26/12/2022 03:46

@HatersGonnaHate90 sorry you're going through this.
Not sure if this would help but could you get an injunction via the courts?
Also, could you get a camera fitted on your property whilst you're staying with your family.
Hope things get better for you and he stops harassing you.

Lexi868 · 26/12/2022 03:48

Oh I'm so sorry -this sounds horrendous and the police dont sound particularly helpful at all.
I would have thought after persistent stalking they would issue a restraining order.
I hate men who use cowardly abuse like this to try and assert their power and intimidate women. It's disgusting. I would keep a record from now on of every text, time he tried to visit, damages anything. Keep recordings of voice messages and secretly record him on your phone if he shows up to your family home so you have a record of everything he is saying and doing.
The police are more likely to feel the need to respond if you have something to show for his abusive behaviour in the form of some kind of evidence and patterns of abuse.
Good luck x

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