To be upset about DP taking DP instead of me?

[MatchsticksForMyEyesReturns]

I have DS11 and DD14. Been with DP 9yrs. We've talked about a particular city break for his 40th (in 2024) for a while, but recently decided to go to a different city instead as it is on the same continent as our DC from separate marriages. I do still want us to go to the original city when our dc are older and I wouldn't feel so far away when we go.
I booked a mini-break for me and my dc to Paris next summer, as last year's blended family break had a glitch at the end, but today have found out that without even mentioning to me, dp has booked to take his dd alone to our original destination for a city break alone next Spring. I knew he would book somewhere for him and his dd, but I thought we would just wait and experience city 1 together for the first time when all our kids are grown up in 5yrs or so. I'm upset. My dd thinks IABU. Am I?

So he can only take his daughter to places He has been before? And also that you have been to before?

Ah thanks @Aprilx and @Womencanlift! Makes sense!

You've both planned the trips you want for your children next year. He can't veto a destination his child might want to go to for 5 years because you aren't ready to go there yet.

Gosh I'm reading this very differently to other poster

I think it's a bit crap that he's taking his DD to the city that the two of you discussed. I mean you can't go there together in future as he's taken the shine off it. Seeing as you discussed it together and decided that you didn't want to go that far away together until the DC were older (i.e. when you would feel more comfortable leaving them to travel further afield) he really could've picked a closer-to-home destination to go to with his DD. There are many, many cities he could've chosen to go to with his DD.

There's nothing you can do about it now though.

Yea i think you're BU here. He wants to go somewhere, and he's going. I don't really see a problem

You’re BU. He’s taking his own daughter, not his friend. Can’t you go as a couple when the kids are older?

Life is short. If you don’t want to go for fairly arbitrary reasons it’s perfectly ok for him to take his DD.

Agree with this, the endless desire to be entirely stealth on MN is grating.

If the city is actually New York but you don't want to say that because people in RL know, then say Boston or Toronto instead, it'll at least make the thread easier to follow.

I can see why you're miffed about it, but in real terms I don't think you genuinely have a right to be. Life is for the living.

Hes 'taken the shine of it'? What? So basically you never, ever go anywhere you've been before?

If his DD has expressed an interest in New York, are you really expecting him to tell her that he can't take her until he has been with you at an undisclosed future date your own children are older? Don't be weird. Life is short.

You can't expect him to wait five years. X

Op you're being way too vague here if it's amsterdam then yeah you have a right to be upset if it's new york i think you're being entirely unreasonable and completely unfair to him and his daughter

Plus I’ve been to a city before and left feeling like I’d want to return and sometimes it’s better to go somewhere one of you has a bit of experience of the area.

OP you’re being pathetic.

Surely what he has done is sensible. He really wants to go but you don't want to be away from your dc.

If it is something you talked about and had dreams of experiencing this city for the first time with him when it was a fresh and exciting experience for both of you, I understand why you feel disappointed. It is especially upsetting he didn't talk to you about or before going ahead and making plans. It is possible he doesn't understand how much you were looking forward to it. It sounds like it feels like a rupture in your relationship in that he doesn't know how strongly you felt about this. It would have been nicer if he had understood you felt this way and talked to you about his plans to take his daughter to this city so you had a chance to talk it through and maybe consider some other options.

Yeah not sure the issue, I dont think you can save a city like you can save the last turkey

Well yes that's what I'm saying. If I did a city break to a different continent, I would be very very unlikely to ever do that again. It would be a once in a lifetime trip for me. I'm not mafe of money and there is something special in visiting a city for the first time, it's a lovely experience.

In my liftetime I have been lucky enough to have some truly wonderful city breaks, including Paris, Bruges, Rome, Venice, Prague, Barcelona, Seville. The list goes on. I don't tend to ever return to them again.

Well you can book you and your kids in there for the year after then can't you

You are jealous. You are selfish.

You want your DP to have memories of that city with you, and no one else.
You want your DP to wait a few years before he can visit the city. Who knows if you are still together by then. Let it go.

Lots of people do return to the cities/places that they've particularly enjoyed though. When you really like a place, you want to do more than just scratch the surface.

A trip with a teen dd will still be very different to one with Op especially with a 5 yr gap.

Dh died last year. So many things were were going to do when DC were older etc etc. If it's important to you, get it done.