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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to think that when you are choosing a present you might consider what the person wants

43 replies

DogGreen · 25/12/2022 17:06

Close non blood relative has a hobby. They're actually a world expert in an aspect of this hobby. All good.

However they persist on buying DC things for Christmas & Birthdays that support the hobby because they enjoy the excuse to buy things. DC have zero interest in the hobby and never have. Relative knows this.

AIBU to think that if you are buying someone a gift it should be something you think the recipient might want.

OP posts:
Keyansier · 25/12/2022 17:08

What is the hobby? Is it common?

Short of giving someone a list and saying "pick something from this and stick to it" (which isn't bad, but doesn't sound like you're doing) then you can't complain about someone spending their own money on your children. It sounds ungrateful and astonishingly rude.

Afterfire · 25/12/2022 17:10

Yanbu. That’s just a form of them showing off and hoping the dc will become interested. They should buy them something they actually like.

watchfulwishes · 25/12/2022 17:11

Yanbu, but probably little to be done about it.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 25/12/2022 17:11

YANBU.

My teetotal DH got a champagne stopper from his dad

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 25/12/2022 17:12

Yes, I always try to buy something I think the recipient will like, based on evidence, past reactions to gifts and so on. I don't always get it right but I do try.

Original poster
DogGreen · 25/12/2022 17:14

Hobby is very niche. It is related to history. None of us has every complained. Even DC are polite. They smile and then I have to put the things in a drawer never to be seen again. We're not allowed to sell or chuck them.

Just seems rather narcissistic and a huge waste.

OP posts:
MerryChristmasToYou · 25/12/2022 17:15

It's not about the receiving, it's about the giving. It's the thought that counts.
Buy that person a goat for charity next year.

redredwineub40 · 25/12/2022 17:15

Get them to either return or sell the items on! Ah Christmas - there is always some character building weird gifting going on.

redredwineub40 · 25/12/2022 17:16

Why can't you sell or chuck or, give them to someone who wants them?

gawditswindy · 25/12/2022 17:16

DogGreen · 25/12/2022 17:14

Hobby is very niche. It is related to history. None of us has every complained. Even DC are polite. They smile and then I have to put the things in a drawer never to be seen again. We're not allowed to sell or chuck them.

Just seems rather narcissistic and a huge waste.

Would they know if you sold or regifted them??

Keyansier · 25/12/2022 17:16

DogGreen · 25/12/2022 17:14

Hobby is very niche. It is related to history. None of us has every complained. Even DC are polite. They smile and then I have to put the things in a drawer never to be seen again. We're not allowed to sell or chuck them.

Just seems rather narcissistic and a huge waste.

What do you mean you're not "allowed"? How would they know if you sell them? Are these expensive or unique items?

Gymrabbit · 25/12/2022 17:18

I think it might be reasonable to buy a child something related to your own hobby once or a trip related to it once.
but if they then don’t show any interest in it you don’t continue.
it’s narcissistic.

Original poster
DogGreen · 25/12/2022 17:21

Items are very distinctive and only bought via specialist channels. They have a value but it is not ££. Value is for relative in giving. Total waste of time, space and energy for everyone else IMO. Everyone is supposed to be overjoyed.

If they were related to me I'd say something.

OP posts:
nokidshere · 25/12/2022 17:25

We're not allowed to sell or chuck them

Says who?.

Keyansier · 25/12/2022 17:26

Sorry OP I'm finding it really difficult to understand this because of the hiding of the hobby and being vague... So they are not cash valuable but they are valuable items? So the giver is giving them valuable gifts?

I'm finding it hard to follow this because of the vagueness. It seems contradictory.

If it's not your relative, can you speak to your partner (it's their relative, I assume?) and get them to speak to them about it?

MulledWineAndMingePies · 25/12/2022 17:29

Oh God what is it?

Ancient armoury? Viking gold? Parts of the Berlin Wall (which to be fair, is pretty cool. I just ran out of small bits of history to think of).

redredwineub40 · 25/12/2022 17:31

I'm guessing they're some sort of miniature historical re enactment figures. I'm a cow I'd get the kids to asked to money instead 'as they're getting older' next time. Or just not do gifts.

AutumnCrow · 25/12/2022 17:33

nokidshere · 25/12/2022 17:25

We're not allowed to sell or chuck them

Says who?.

Hobby Big Bollocks

Consufed · 25/12/2022 17:34

>> We're not allowed to sell or chuck them.

Of course you are! Does Hobby Man actually come and inspect your cupboards to check they're still there?

Talapia · 25/12/2022 17:37

Just sell and for the next few years repeatedly buy them a gift related to your childs current hobby or fad. They'll soon get the message.

Original poster
DogGreen · 25/12/2022 17:38

Hobby man would probably know since we would have to sell via same channels if we even knew how to do this

They are world expert on this hobby.

OP posts:
hattie43 · 25/12/2022 17:38

Some people are just very bad at gift buying I've realised .

LubaLuca · 25/12/2022 17:38

Without more detail it's impossible to say whether you're unreasonable either for moaning about the gifts or for saying it's impossible to sell them or give them away.

Is it some kind of artefacts? Fossils or ancient pottery or something?

Keyansier · 25/12/2022 17:39

If you can't sell them, chuck them.

catandcoffee · 25/12/2022 17:40

Sale them on ebay.