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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel guilty about quiet Christmas for teens?

9 replies

pinotnow · 25/12/2022 13:47

It's just me and my dds (14 and 16) and although we're having a nice enough day, I'm very conscious that it's extremely low key. I have no siblings and it's just my mum left and we are low contact so I won't see her over the festive period - that's by mutual agreement. Ex is also from quite a small family so though dds will see his side over the next few days, there are no cousins their own age and it will be pretty quiet again.

Obviously, this has always been the case so the dds don't know any different, but I feel bad and that they are missing out on huge family events that they have just never had. The day is just like any other holiday/weekend really, just with nicer food (that they're probably not fussed about, aside from the extra chocolate) and no possibility of me nagging over screens/homework etc! They are good company and, mixed in with doing their own thing in their rooms, they have/will watch films, play board games, come for walks, help with baking etc It's fine, but that's it...

I'm an introvert with a few close friends so there will be no parties/get togethers over the holiday at all for them, unless with their own friends, who, from experience, tend to be less available over this holiday period than the others. I suspect dd1 is happy with this as she's like me, but I'm sure a bigger and noisier family would be a better fit for dd2 really.

Anyway, just a pointless moan as I'm feeling a bit sad about it right now.

OP posts:
nalabae · 25/12/2022 13:48

They have you it’s fine. Invite friends over maybe next year. Merry Xmas

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 25/12/2022 13:54

I came from a big family and always feel sorry for my children for having a small/quiet family. In reality though they know no different and there are lots of nice things about smaller/quieter too (no weird uncles/no drunken aunts etc).

nokidshere · 25/12/2022 14:04

We have always just had Christmas with the 4 of us. Now they are young adults it's very different. We got up around 10, had a lovely breakfast with Christmas music and champagne, had a mad half hour with presents and now they've gone to their rooms and I can hear them chatting to friends etc, I'm chilling with chocolates and iPad, DH is waiting for the rain to stop so he can go for a walk.

Next time we meet up will be around 5 when everyone is starving, we will do dinner together and then maybe, but only maybe, I might persuade them into a game with me.

Quiet, chilled Christmas's are all good. Enjoy

Myjobisanightmare · 25/12/2022 14:07

We’re the same so Xmas is all about the 4 of us going away either for the day itself or from the 27th even if it’s a couple of night otherwise it feels like just a pointless 2 weeks off

Spiderboy · 25/12/2022 14:11

I don’t think one is better than the other. I’m sure they’re still having a nice day. I grew up an only children with no family over so it was very quiet just the 3 of us. Games and movies and lots of chill out time after dinner still made an excellent Christmas. I’ve married into a a bigger and nosier family and it can be nice for the younger children at times, it can also be quite overwhelming

Resembleflower · 25/12/2022 14:25

Sounds like our Christmas, I feel sad but they as my Christmas growing up involved big family get togethers. My parents are divorced new families etc. Aunts and uncles have died. husbands family don’t celebrate and all live aboard.

Our 13yr and 16yr are happy I think! They gamed a bit this morning. Currently watching a movie I’m having a quick 10 mins on MN.

We will eat dinner, they make a traditional pudding with my husband. We play as many board games as I can before they have enough lol.

Then they will go back to gaming… and we will chill with some red wine and TV. Quiet and I feel a bit sad but everyone is happy. DH who doesn’t celebrate is sat in his requested ‘posh’ Xmas jumper!

Sparrow80 · 25/12/2022 14:34

I could have written this post. I’m choosing to see it that it’s a lovely calm, cosy day for them and they are incredibly lucky with gifts they wanted and nice food they’ve chosen. My daughter who is 15 and going through a strangely nice phase for a teen 🤨😆 has already said she’s having a lovely day. They get to do exactly what they want and eat what they want … they’re happy. We’re just sold the idea that bigger and better (and more expensive) is lovely but I think a lot of people would probably quite like our version today!

NeedToChangeName · 25/12/2022 14:43

The grass isn't always greener

MN Is full of posters wishing they had more / fewer people around today. Best to find the positives in whatever situation you're in x

thelobsterquadrille · 25/12/2022 15:28

We always had a quiet Christmas growing up - just me and my parents, and it was absolutely lovely.

Please don't feel like you need to compete - the big, busy days aren't always any better anyway.

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