To not be happy married or divorced?

[Bluelightlover]

I'm really depressed. Christmas is triggering anyway but 2 years on from getting divorced I don't feel happier. I've swapped one set of issues for another it feels. I don't know how to get out of this rut.

When I was married I was financially secure and had a lovely home. But I was with a narcissist bully who destroyed me. I now have my own tiny home, new career (one I've wanted for many years) and see my children 60% of the time. But I'm struggling financially, exhausted from juggling work and childcare and feel constantly guilty for not being a better Mum.

I don't know what to do. Can anyone give me some advice? I can't see the wood from the trees.

Can you imagine swapping this life with the one you had before? You are much better off to be living a more peaceful life. Maybe you are going through peri menopause which makes everything more shit. You will have better times ahead. Is there any part of your life you can simplify? Start saying no to things and give yourself a break. If your children are loved, cared for and fed then you are a great mum.

How old are your children? They will not be hugely dependent on you forever. This phase passes and when they are teens and more independent, it gets so much easier when you don't have to provide all the child care.

It must still be very raw, and you are obviously in a season where things are really tough. Your post talks about some real positives though, which will grow over time. Can you think of this time, even if you're feeling low, as you gradually climbing out of the pit? You're doing a great job of showing your children how to be resilient and build a life, and you can't do everything all the time. Each exhausting day you get through is a step to a better place. Can you ask for and accept help from anyone to make things a tad easier? Keep going and happy Christmas.

I'm 41y so quite possibly peri menopausal. My kids are 9y & 7y. Just feel there is no joy in life. I don't have any spare money to do the things I love (holidays/going to the sea etc). I don't have any energy to function most days.

Being on my own means everything falls on me. It's a lot of pressure that I perhaps hadn't anticipated. Or hasn't realised the reality of living with it.

Two years is not that long to recover from the trauma of abuse you experienced.

Why do you feel guilty about the kind of mum you are? I am wondering if your ex's bullying voice is still in your head giving you a hard time?

I wish I could offer some advice or hope but I’m in the same position. Raising kids alone alongside maintaining a career and a home all by yourself is no walk in the park.
But you know what, give yourself credit for all you’ve achieved. And have a virtual hug of solidarity from over here.

My oldest told me he‘s proud of me on Christmas Eve. That was worth a million presents.

@Bluelightlover when my Mum divorced my Dad she seemed so much happier but then she took on so much she was always so stressed. She was the right person for that responsibility strong, independent woman who i always admired. I'm sure you're that person too, keep going xx

I admire your strength. I’m sure it doesn’t feel like it right now, but on your own there is so much possibility, you have the chance of building a better future for yourself and dc. In a bad relationship there’s no chance of anything getting better, only worse. You’ve come a long way.

Thanks everyone. If I break it down I have come a long way but it still doesn't make me feel happy. I'm trying to stay strong but it is really hard to keep going.