For background: I’ve grown up in a somewhat toxic family, lots of passive aggression and control - I’m now living in a different country and my relationship with them is growing more and more distant.
Anyway - my mother who is a very cold and anti-social person messages me random things from time to time - I gather this is her way of getting connection when she feels lonely - sometimes the messages are so dumb I just feel slightely annoyed but sometimes the messages trigger me although I don’t show it or express.
The latest message I don’t know what make of it - is it toxic and !!!!!! behaviour or is it just me?
“Mum- my neighbours bought a female dog and named her xyz (my daughter’s name)
Me - it happens - people name dogs human’s names all the time
Mum- Yeah, I’ve met lots of dogs called xyz but it is the firts time in block - I can’t cope”
She said ‘I can’t cope’ in joke
1- my daughter’s name is not a popular name at all - nor in the UK or in my home country where my mum lives
2- my mum does not like dogs, does not have friends or a social circle and rarely lives the house so I don’t know where and how she met many dogs called xyz
3- I have never met another person face to face called xyz - they exist but is is an unusual kind of name although recognisable because of a famous singer -it is a very human name - growing up and during the visits to my country I’ve never met an animal - cat/dog whatever called xyz - unless it became popular now a days
Curious to know what people think?
Is my mum just clueless and out of touch or is it a display of toxic behaviour? I want to believe the first option but when you grow up in a toxic envirinment you either fail to recognise toxicity or you see it everywhere.
I’d be lying if I said this particular message didn’t trigger me but at the same time I can’t explain why it triggered me. I don’t think I would send messages like this to anyone - I just don’t see the point.
BTW - the message was sent a couple of days ago - not today