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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my 3 yr old DD to behave better?

24 replies

michie40 · 03/02/2008 12:08

I would just like to know if my 3yr old is displaying abnormally poor behaviour of stuff that is normal. She was extremely well behaved when she was 2 - we never had the terrible twos people talk about. However recently the tantrums have started - crying and yelling when she doesn,t get her way. Refusing blatently to do as asked - refusing to wear what I want her to etc...
We are using the naughty step and walking off and ignoring tantrums but she just seems to be going through a testing period at the mo. Guesse I would just like some reassurance that this is normal - we have not had any recent changes or stress that could have caused this.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 03/02/2008 12:11

DS did not have the terrible twos, we were ever so smug... then he got to almost 3, and the terrible twos broke out big style. children go through a stage of difficult behaviour , pushing the boundaries, and it is so stressful. DD got hers out of the way from about 18 months until around 2..... she is 2.5 now and really very , very lovely. this too shall pass, tis just a phase !

TrinityRhino · 03/02/2008 12:13

dd2 is 3 in april and we were very smug about not having had the terrible twos with the tantrums and the like

well we are no longer smug it has just started with a vengeance
I would say it is normal....and good luck

They are hard work aren't they

Cappuccino · 03/02/2008 12:15

me too

needmorecoffee · 03/02/2008 12:15

sounds normal to me. dd is nearly 4 and a little madam. Paed said the other day that disabled kids take longer to go through the 'terrible twos' and it can last for years.
What a thought!

colditz · 03/02/2008 12:16

Normal.

mrsruffallo · 03/02/2008 12:17

Keep your sense of humour and nurture a stern look

Wisteria · 03/02/2008 12:18

normal but YANBU in wanting her behaviour to improve - they have to learn that tantrums are no acceptable and it sounds as though you are doing all the right things to me - just stick with it - it will pass (until she's about 12 when it'll all begin again)

slim22 · 03/02/2008 12:19

same here.
Gets better as they approach 4 and start to understand and listen and see that you REALLY mean it when you say enough.
Practice makes perfect, don't you know?

Original poster
michie40 · 03/02/2008 12:20

God yes its hard work - thanks for everyones advice. I just wonder what the neighbours think when shes in full yelling mode - I just comfort myself by thinking that if she can produce that volume she could have a future as an opera singer.

OP posts:
Wisteria · 03/02/2008 12:29

well I can't speak for your neighbours Michie but if it were me - I would be rolling my eyes to heaven and saying to dp - 'oh that poor woman, aren't they exhausting at that age', I would then sneak into the garden, pass you a gin and tonic over the fence and a rollup (if you smoke) and offer to have your dd for the afternoon to help me bake as they are always impeccably behaved for others I find

divamummy2 · 03/02/2008 12:35

i have almost 3y old, i agree they are hard work, all i hope is, it will go oneday.

Original poster
michie40 · 03/02/2008 12:38

right thats it Im moving house next to wisteria

OP posts:
padboz · 03/02/2008 12:41

Wisteria. Where do you live? are there any houses for sale within ear shot of yours? I don't smoke but I can learn it needbe.

Its normal michie40. I find phases are quite short - couple of weeks and then there will be some calm before the next storm.

padboz · 03/02/2008 12:43

fightcher for it michie!

Countingthegreyhairs · 03/02/2008 12:44

YANBU - it's totally normal - and as others have said you are doing the right things.

She's testing the boundaries and also asserting her personality. Meet her half way eg, give her a choice of two outfits to wear in the morning.

The techniques in 'How to talk so kids will listen' help. (I say this as if I've got it all covered, but I'm currently going through some bad patches with dd who is going through the terrible 4s!! We were very smug before; no terrible 2s or 3s, then all hell broke loose ....!!)

Be consistent, be calm ...drink wine ...and as someone who's constantly reining in that "shouty mummy feeling" ... congratulate yourself on the fact that the neighbours aren't complaining about you yelling!!!

Wisteria · 03/02/2008 12:44

Our neighbours are trying to sell as it happens

North Notts

HonoriaGlossop · 03/02/2008 13:12

that's really wise advice from counting; 'meet her halfway'. There is usually (unless it's a matter of safety eg roads) a way of giving choices and options.

Always remember that they are people and people come with in-built wishes and feelings of their own, there's no way of avoiding that - you just have to work round it.

So I say avoid confrontation, give choices and options...and always talk with kindness and respect because now is when they really start to give back what they get! If you do that, you also arm yourself with more power; if mum is always kind and polite, when she gets a 'hard' stern voice that means ALOT; if you're always shouting etc, you'd have to impose way more consequences in order to get the same effect IMO.

And there are of course times when you've done all you can and still they are heading towards meltdown, it does happen to ALL children, I think you just have to accept it will happen sometimes and just let them go through it, and don't agonise, there is not one parent out there who has done any better!

Countingthegreyhairs · 03/02/2008 13:39

[sorry for hijack - Honoria - thanks but I learnt it from you!! Need your advice again please if I'm not disturbing yr Sunday - see parenting thread titled "Please advise, dd's behaviour deteriorates when we are all togetherr as a family)

see what I mean about not having it all covered???

chocolateshoes · 03/02/2008 13:46

pleased to see this thread! My wonderful DS who is 2.7 has changed so much this week. Like a different boy & I don't know what to do! At first I thought he was sickening for something but am beginning to realsie that this must be the terrible twos. Any tips anyone?

HonoriaGlossop · 03/02/2008 14:03

counting, I've just posted on your other one, sorry hadn't spotted it before

Countingthegreyhairs · 03/02/2008 14:20

[thank you HG - much appreciated!]

Countingthegreyhairs · 03/02/2008 14:21

bumping for michie40

quickdrawmcgraw · 03/02/2008 14:33

The best thing to do is to treat every incident as if it's the first. that way you don't get too bogged down in 'god, it's getting worse' and 'nothing I do makes a difference' and 'where did I go wrong' etc etc
It just makes you feel bad and isn't helpful to sorting out the behaviour.
ds hit her terrible 2's bang on time but ds was 3. The crushing of the smugness is sometimes worse then if they do it at the right age.

fettleandbabyfettle · 03/02/2008 16:42

Michie - we have had exactly the same with our delightful 3.9yr old! I thought it was moving house, new pre-school and new baby brother in the space of 8 weeks last summer, but I've since learnt that quite a few people are having trouble with their "threenagers" having had great 2-yr-olds!!

I'm living for the day she's a lovely 4-yr old!!!

[have to admit that I learnt the phrase "threenager" from another MN thread!! and found it fitted by DD perfectly!!]

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