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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure how to feel

18 replies

Afl · 25/12/2022 05:07

So I if I'm being unreasonable here but I got married this year and dh hasn't even got me as much as a card for Chritstmas.
No card, gift, money, nothing. Not even from our dc.
I love Christmas and dh has absolutely no input whatsoever, I do everything, from putting the decorations up to going out and buying his family's gifts to making Christmas dinner. I don't mind.
This year has been particularly hard for me, I was made redundant and lost someone close to me which in turn caused me to be depressed and need medication.
I feel like dh wasn't there to support me as much as he should have been.
Kind of feel like this is the icing on the cake though, he had one job. Urgh I don't want to start my Christmas Day on a downer but he's really pissed me off.
Basically AIBU for expecting at least something??

OP posts:
Original poster
Afl · 25/12/2022 05:08

*So please tell me if I'm being unreasonable
That is what the first line is meant to say

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 25/12/2022 05:08

What did he do for it last year? If he's always been like this then it's shit, but you knew what you were getting into. If he used to make an effort and now he isn't, then he's a dick.

Any chance there's a surprise waiting for you?

kiwiiem · 25/12/2022 05:10

No, you’re not BU at all. AT ALL. He literally had one job he could do to make you happy and he hasn’t even managed it. It isn’t even from a materialistic standpoint, it’s principle and thoughts behind actions. Especially nasty considering he knows you love Christmas.

So sorry OP, I hope you have a good one despite all that and it I was you I would be telling him to start pulling his weight.

Original poster
Afl · 25/12/2022 05:11

MolliciousIntent · 25/12/2022 05:08

What did he do for it last year? If he's always been like this then it's shit, but you knew what you were getting into. If he used to make an effort and now he isn't, then he's a dick.

Any chance there's a surprise waiting for you?

Last year I got a card off him, one off the dc and gifts.
No, no surprise or anything. We exchange cards on Christmas Eve and when I gave him the cards from me and the dc his face said it all.
I mean skip the gift if you had to, I love a good card with a sentimental bit of writing in. He knows that.

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 25/12/2022 05:13

That's so shit. What did he say? What was his explanation? This would be the end for me, I have to say.

liarliarshortsonfire · 25/12/2022 05:14

It just shows a complete lack of thought, care and consideration in my eyes. I mean who the fuck, simply doesn't get a card and a gift for the one person you're supposed to love above everyone else (except the kids of course). I get that some people don't WANT cards or gifts, but I'm presuming the op has never said she doesn't want anything.

I'd let it go today, but I'd be having really strong words with him about it tomorrow

Rosaofthevalley · 25/12/2022 05:15

Could you just be blunt with him? Say you’re a tad disappointed you’d have liked a card and to do gifts for each other next year.

I personally don’t like cards so it wouldn’t cross my mind to do them. I don’t think DH has got me one but if it was something important to him he’d definitely have to spell it out to me.

Liorae · 25/12/2022 08:50

He literally had one job he could do to make you happy and he hasn’t even managed it.
Did anyone tell him about this one job or was he expected to guess?

Liorae · 25/12/2022 08:52

MolliciousIntent · 25/12/2022 05:13

That's so shit. What did he say? What was his explanation? This would be the end for me, I have to say.

Seriously?

SlagathaChristie · 25/12/2022 08:59

Liorae · 25/12/2022 08:50

He literally had one job he could do to make you happy and he hasn’t even managed it.
Did anyone tell him about this one job or was he expected to guess?

She doesn't need to tell her own dh to get her a card or gift, that's daft. It's entirely normal and expected to get your spouse something at Christmas. Particularly as op's husband normally does.

This does not fall into the realm of "woman expects man to be psychic". This is "woman expects man to think about his own wife and treat her with the same love and courtesy she treats him".

SoSweetAndSalty · 25/12/2022 09:24

Stop buying gifts for his family for starters! Why would you do that. You may not mind now but I bet you will resent it soon enough.

Liorae · 25/12/2022 09:40

SoSweetAndSalty · 25/12/2022 09:24

Stop buying gifts for his family for starters! Why would you do that. You may not mind now but I bet you will resent it soon enough.

This, and also have a conversation about your and his expectations and desires about the christmas season and how to achieve a christmas with which you are both happy.

jellyjellopeea · 25/12/2022 09:41

What was his excuse, OP?

VladmirsPoutine · 25/12/2022 09:42

Rather than stewing on it I'd address it with him and tell him just how disappointed you are with him, the lack of support and so forth.

MolliciousIntent · 25/12/2022 11:54

Liorae · 25/12/2022 08:52

Seriously?

Show quote history

Yes, seriously. It's such a glaring display of the lack of thought, care, attention, love, consideration and respect that I don't think I could ever feel the same way about him again.

It's not "wahhh i didn't get a present" it's "my spouse, who is supposed to love and cherish me, didn't care enough to get me a gift at Christmas"

LadyKenya · 25/12/2022 13:16

What is he normally like regarding Christmas? You sound mismatched regarding your feelings about it.

luxxlisbon · 25/12/2022 13:18

Liorae · 25/12/2022 08:50

He literally had one job he could do to make you happy and he hasn’t even managed it.
Did anyone tell him about this one job or was he expected to guess?

Who needs to guess that Christmas presents are a pretty normal expectation of Christmas?

WallaceinAnderland · 25/12/2022 13:26

Talk to each other.

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