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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that DH goes to the pub every Christmas Eve?

36 replies

PenelopeStrawberry1 · 24/12/2022 22:59

For the past 5 years or so, DH has gone to the pub with friends for at least 5 hours. It pisses me off every year as I think Christmas Eve should be family time and because he comes home drunk and obnoxious.

Today he got extremely drunk, and came home and was asleep on the sofa from 5pm, snoring and taking up the entire sofa. He'd been at the pub since 11.30am.

It's not the going out part that I mind, and of course I can, and do, go out myself. It's just the fact that everyone else seems to be with their families on Christmas Eve. DH did a bit of wrapping this morning but everything else was left to me.

Then this evening he made no effort to join in with anything the kids and I were doing (both early teens) and like I said just slept on the sofa snoring so we couldn't even sit and watch TV.

I keep seeing friends on social media off doing family things today; visits to Winter Wonderland, dressed up to the nines and out for meals, even just having a nice meal at home. Whilst I've just been stuck at home.

AIBU to be annoyed with him? I do, overall, feel that he takes the piss with hobbies and nights out so that's probably made me even more cross today

OP posts:

Dotcheck · 25/12/2022 00:28

UsingChangeofName · 25/12/2022 00:01

On Christmas eve I'd be annoyed. It's an important day for me. Your set up suits you. It doesn't suit the op.

As this is a discussion forum, then there are going to be all sorts of people for whom different things are important. Including those for who a deep rooted tradition is meeting up with friends to have a drink. There's no reason why the OP's (or your) way of spending Christmas Eve should be more important than the OP's dp's tradition as a starting point.
It is important to me to go to Church, DH doesn't go. His desire not to go, nor my desire to go are both equal. As I said, the issue of him being drunk and obnoxious is a completely separate one, but "spending the day together going to Wonderland" has no more weight than "spending some hours getting together with friends" for me.
What any reasonable couple do is work out a compromise.

Deep rooted tradition? It’s been 5 years. I wonder if it handily correlates to having kids/ needing to do lots of prep

PopGoesTheProsecco · 25/12/2022 00:28

YANBU - Sorry OP he sounds a bit selfish.

BatshitBanshee · 25/12/2022 00:29

He doesn't give a damn about you or your kids and would I fuck allow him to take up space stinking of drink on the sofa on Christmas Eve. Boot up his arse, either to bed or out the front door; his choice but I wouldn't allow it. Bad enough doing it, but to flaunt his selfishness like that? Grade A arsehole and fucking pathetic that he has to get absolutely leathered DURING THE DAY when he has a wife and kids at home.

Dollface3 · 25/12/2022 00:38

I could have written this myself. I’m so fed up with it, got to the pub any other time but Christmas Eve is for family. He’ll be a bear with a sore head in the morning as well now 🥲

Sometimeswinning · 25/12/2022 00:47

UsingChangeofName · 25/12/2022 00:20

Nope, I don't @Sometimeswinning .
My point is (as I say, separating out the drunk and obnoxious both of which are unacceptable to me) that what one person in a couple wants, or thinks "ought to happen" doesn't trump the what the other person wants, or thinks ought to happen.
Each couple has to work out together how to compromise, or work it out together.

Honestly, not everything needs a compromise. My dh wouldn't leave me on Xmas eve because I love it. There is zero compromise. You stay home with us or take part in what I've planned!

World cup. No compromise needed. He got the big tv in the living room. I sat in the slightly cold kitchen watching serial killer documentaries!

2chocolateoranges · 25/12/2022 01:44

Wouldn’t be happening in our house, there are 363 other days to go to the publ. it’s not happening on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.

we spend those 2 days as a family .

Letthekidsplay · 25/12/2022 02:58

Next year take your kids to London to see a show then stay in a nice hotel so you don’t have to put up with the drama of a drunk husband.

704703hey · 25/12/2022 03:32

Oh OK, if he's out that length of time and not very nice with it you need to put your foot down! Xmas can be a lot of preparation with children. How irritating for you if he huffs and puffs about it being 'him' time leaving you to do the work.

Perhaps say 3 hours max next time, he could have a drink at home and join in with getting ready. Doesn't mean you're bossy. I bet he enjoys the family day which you prepared..!

Delorestormborn · 25/12/2022 04:26

Next year go out and do something lovely with the kids. He’s a selfish twat. Going to the pub is fine but going for that long and getting drunk is not.

NeedToChangeName · 25/12/2022 07:10

I agree with @UsingChangeofName

My DH wouldn't choose to go out with friends in Christmas Eve, but my brother used to have an annual meet up with friends, and SIL's preference for him to stay at home wouldn't necessarily take priority over that. I think that's ok. There are 24 days to celebrate advent, build up to Christmas

Coming home drunk and useless is a separate issue. No excuse for that

Purplechicken207 · 25/12/2022 20:12

This always makes me think of misogynistic times gone past. Blokes thinking it's OK to go out on what are usually family days (or night before, and be useless on the day) and get absolutely w&nkered. Then not only letting the poor woman doing everything (presumably because he thinks that's her role?) but also being a grumpy sh!t, bringing down the mood for the kids. And setting a terrible example. It's such a stupid lads mentality. Thankfully the guys I know were either never like this, or actually grew up out of their teens. I did used to have a boss who did it every Christmas eve and would talk proudly of bring so hungover he could barely open his own presents christmas day 🙄

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