Expectations of a teenager - are they too high?

[pippasue]

DD is 16. She has no set chores as such, I just ask her to help out now and again with different jobs (loading dishwasher, cleaning the bathroom etc). This has, up to now, always been ad hoc.
She gets an allowance of around £60-80 a month from me, depending on what she wants money for. That's for days out with mates, meals, new make up. etc. I pay for her phone contract and anything she needs, like new clothes etc, separately to that.

She goes to her dad's every other weekend.

I said the other day I want her to start doing the bathroom twice a month. She does such a good job of it and it will massively help me (I work long hours and have a younger infant child who takes up a lot of my non working time).

DD's response was "I'm not doing it twice a month, I'll do it once. I'm not cleaning the bathroom every weekend I'm with you". She basically thinks this is unfair because it means each weekend she's not at her dads, she'll be expected to clean the bathroom. It's the only job I'm asking of her as a set "chore". She then said "how much will I be paid for it?" I said well I already give you in the region of £60-80 for nothing every month, so that's your payment.

She's now fuming and thinks I'm unreasonable.

Yes, I know, I've created a monster by not having any set expectations of her prior to now.Is a twice monthly bathroom clean (which takes her an hour to 90 mins tops), really too much to ask for £60-80 a month for a 16 year old??

I'll accept if I'm BU, as parenting a teen is a minefield!!

An hour to 90 minutes to clean a bathroom ?

Yes - she takes her time with her music on. I mean, I don't mind how long it takes her necessarily as she does do a good job.

How dirty is your bathroom?

How on earth does it take 60 - 90 mins to clean a bathroom???!

YANBU to expect your dd to clean the bathroom twice a month

YABU to expect her to agree to this cheerfully!

It's not a small bathroom. There's a large walk in shower with huge shower screen to clean. There's always a million baby toys in the bath so she takes a while to take all them out and clean the bath. She arranges shampoo bottles neatly in the shower / bath. There's a double sink and large mirror above it - that takes a while to clean. And there's a fair bit of floor space to mop. It's not a small bathroom.

😂 point taken. Thank you

Its all about compromise with teens. You asked, she responded (with a good point) now you give a little to show you have listened and that she has agency, while sticking with boundaries. What would she prefer to do? What do you do for her that she could start to do for herself more as she moves towards independence? Don't take advantage of her being excellent at cleaning the bathroom or she will learn not to do it so well!

I would teach her to do it more efficiently, or maybe she could deep clean once per month and just a quick wipe down the other weekend.

My teens have an en-suite that they are expected to clean and it takes less than 20 mins. (They both have an en-suite so they aren't cleaning the same one) They clean with AirPods in too.

She does all tasks slowly to be honest. Even loading the dishwasher. I'm not sure if it's just her style? I thought it was a teen thing but evidently not if yours are faster!

I probably took an hour to clean the bathroom today because I scrubbed all the grout between the (much hated by MN) metro tiles with an old toothbrush but I don't do that every time.

My teens have ad hoc chores (emptying the dishwasher, feeding the cats, vacuuming, putting out recycling, sorting our laundry etc but no cleaning as such.

As a pp said I can see why she's angry because it's a 1 hour job. Mine are ok with chores that aren't created through other people's mess so if they have to pick up an empty toilet roll it's because they were too lazy to pick it up earlier that week.

I will add that she is responsible for a lot of the grime that builds up in the shower, as she wears fake tan and washes it off in there so it does create quite a mess.

Big bathroom, our cleaner spends ages on ours. Huge shower, bath, 2 sinks, 2 large mirrors, tiles, large floor area, shelving radiator, blinds. 🤷🏻‍♀️

My daughter (17) is responsible for her bedroom and en suite. It's clean now - she's in bed with flu and I know she has done a big tidy up when school broke up. She doesn't really get an allowance. If she's going out I just give her some money (she doesn't go out hardly at all, and the odd Starbucks she pays from birthday/Xmas money that otherwise just sits there). She also cleans out the fridge on occasion.
I suppose I see your daughter's point. Of all the chores bathroom cleaning would not be the one I'd choose! But as she does a good job it does seem she might actually enjoy it once she gets going.
Personally I'd accept the once a month and maybe find another less time consuming chore she could do more frequently.

My kids do jobs like the dishwasher, walking the dogs, cleaning out animals, putting a wash on, making dinner once a week rather than cleaning bathrooms. Maybe a different job would be better.

I’d compromise. Bathroom once a month the 2 smaller chores the other weekend. Let her choose.

we have a chore rota in our house so means we take turns over the less desirable chores!

@LittleBitLostWithoutYou yes I think we have similar size bathrooms.

I would get her to do the smaller dailly tasks that are directly her chores so she feels more responsible for them. Like wash her bed sheets, do her own laundry. Cook for herself once a week, stuff like that.

Thanks all, helpful suggestions! I'll settle for once per month for big clean and other smaller chores for the other weekend.

I can see why she's annoyed - it's my own fault. I've been handing out money with no expectation of anything in return and now she's furious that I'm expecting something back for it. Like I said, I've created a monster and I'm well aware of that!

I think your issue is not having chores for her and now trying to add one which she personally doesn’t see any benefit to (no increase in allowance em for example). My DD is 15, she has her phone paid for, £75 per month into her account plus her nails every school holiday. She does the dishwasher, brings washing down and rubbish, takes out the recycling, cleans out and feeds our pet rabbits, feeds the dogs and is responsible for keeping her own room clean and tidy. She then does additional things as they’re needed as part of being a family. I’d start introducing smaller chores now and one of those would be she leaves the shower as she finds it (mine also fake tans but cleans up after herself)

If she rinsed the shower down after every use, and wiped the mirrors/chucked bleach down the loo regularly, she wouldn't need to spend 90 minutes cleaning every fortnight.