Christmas is for family

[crochetmonkey74]

Watching an interview yesterday where someone said "at Christmas we shut the front door and it's family only"
It really made me feel sad. I have a tiny family (1 sibling) and we were brought up by a single mum so our family has always been little. I remember Christmas as a time when we and also all my friends families would have 'extras' at Christmas. Maybe another family, maybe a friend from church etc
It wasn't uncommon at all, there wasn't the gatekeeping of family in the same way.
I guess I just feel like the sort of person who would be out in the cold if every family took this approach. What do you guys think?is it more common now to exclude people other than family? I'm not looking to judge or start an argument at all, it's a genuine question

My friend and her husband are hosting his family tomorrow instead of going to them and were generous enough to have the "desire and the space" to include me as well. (Actually I suspect I've been invited for moral support 😂) We're exchanging our presents on Boxing Day and having lunch and watching the football too (which we always do). I've paid for the cupcake tray for Christmas day tea and the meat on Boxing Day, and transferred some money to cover the drinks - although I'm driving both days.

That was nice of you @ilovesooty but I am surprised they accepted.

I don’t know anyone who’s not going to be with someone else for Christmas- I’d invite them to join us if so. I’ve said on another thread a while ago I do miss the big crazy get togethers of my childhood, but my family hasn’t turned out the same a generation on - brother doesn’t have dcs and isn’t free Christmas Day (but coming over Boxing Day), cousins all over the country, so no one close enough to see. It will just be us.

But while I think it would be better to be full of lots of people, dh is an introvert and is much happier it just being us. He would find hosting strangers tough and struggles with family on years everyone is about.

it’s much easier to say how nice it was to have crazy busy houses as a child, but someone had to do the work for that and often it’s tough if you aren’t great at it.

I have a very small family (just me mum auntie nana and grandad) we celebrate just with each other and always have.

My friend didn't want to. I had to argue very hard with her! 😂 She and I share shopping deliveries etc (have done since lockdown) and she regularly takes me to football using her husband's season ticket when he can't go. She's a very generous person and it's the least I can do.

It’s a time to avoid family for us. 😬

We have Xmas day just us and our two teens. Our friends would be very, very welcome but they do the same and spend it with their partner and kids too. We all get together after Xmas and spend a few days together including New Year.

We always had us and another family at our joint holiday place for Xmas dinner, so 11 at least, then sometimes other friends would come with us or family, and then neighbours would pop in for a drink. I loved that it was very busy. I’m an anxious host that and am out of the habit. I did a few years of having people over on Boxing Day for more casual dining, anywhere between 10-25 and did curry and pizza as that was easy to put together and prep in advance.

I would never see anyone I knew on their own on Christmas Day.

However in my own experience, the people that think others should “just” lay one more place at the table or open up their homes and absorb them into their Christmas, are the same type of people that hardly ever offer to host, almost never have had the stress (and expense) of hosting for 6, 10, 12, 14+ people.

Yeah sure - They might offer a bit of money to contribute towards something that the host will inevitably have to organise, order, cook, etc, or bring a bottle of wine if you’re lucky, but they get to rock up on Christmas Day to find their day done for them, completely oblivious to the amount of shopping, ordering, arranging deliveries, preparation, cooking, cleaning and general effort it takes - because they’ve hardly, if ever, done it themselves. And it’s rarely reciprocated.

As the person who is expected to “just do that one or two extra plates” every time, it gets extremely wearing.

@ChimpMcGarvey some fair points there. I've picked up some of the grocery stuff for my friends and took it to their house today and did offer to turn up early to help cook but they declined. (I don't think my friend thinks much of my cooking but I'd have been happy to arrive early and chop vegetables etc). I don't think her husband's family are the type to muck in ( I've never met them).

I kind of agree with the statement, if you apply it to Christmas Day only and add on that some friends are family.

How I take it is that for a day you forget chasing around everyone and enjoy the day in one place.

I firmly believe that Christmas is a season, celebrated from 1st December til Twelfth Night. And is much more enjoyable for not cramming all the celebrations into one week.

otoh @ChimpMcGarvey they won’t necessarily have had hen nights, stag nights, weddings, baby showers, christenings …

it evens out.

Free for all at ours tomorrow. Xmas dinner with family (friends would be more than welcomed if they so desired).

Friends and neighbours will come in the evening for drinks and games.

And, to totally buck the mumsnet trend, my lovely mil is cooking here. In my kitchen. And I'm absolutely delighted 😁

On days I'm home I have open house policy. Two years my dd brought two or three friends home uni who had nowhere to go for Xmas day so they came and stayed from Xmas Eve to day after Boxing day then I sent them back with Xmas goodies to use up. Horrible to leave friends out. One of my neighbours comes round Boxing day on years I am at home as she is on her own. This year I am at MiL on Boxing day. Neighbour will be invited around on 28th, once we are back and I'm cooking my turkey crown then.