To be pissed off with DH (and bloody autocorrect)

[randomsabreuse]

He's ill today, genuinely ill with a temperature but it's utterly predictable as he's been soldiering on doing 50+ hour weeks with various bugs for the last month because "there's no one else". He was a bit ill last week, sinusitis virus thing and has had a few other viruses thanks to the small plague vectors (7 and 4). I kept telling him to do less, get some, no had to keep working, keep finishing up stuff in the evening and now he's ill in bed while I try to get the house half presentable while the kids trash it behind me.

We don't have people coming over for Christmas but there will inevitably be a family zoom so I can't just leave the place to be a disaster, and the Christmas food needs prepped and cooked as best before boxing day.

Is due to work Boxing day... and if he can get out of bed will probably do so!

AIBU to be cross that he's made himself ill when it was so bloody predictable and hardly out of nowhere?

I'm definitely not BU to be really pissed with bloody autocorrect changing I'll to I'll!

Yes he should take more care of himself.

We don't have people coming over for Christmas but there will inevitably be a family zoom so I can't just leave the place to be a disaster,
Of course you can

Yeah you can leave it, just do the zoom in the one most tidiest area.

YANBU though, your DH should of taken better care of himself.

Tbh most of the issue is the kids rooms (informed that Santa won't come unless tidy) and the kitchen because I need more space to cook the turkey and I need to shift the clutter.

Will use the "Santa won't leave anything if he can't get to the tree" line to force them to pick up the sea of toys - because without the threat of Santa I'm going to be struggling.

Just hoping I've not forgotten anything vital as we've not had our usual compare notes and agree presents session and it's too late to solve now!

In an ideal world, of course he should take better care of himself - but it's not always as straightforward as "do less".

Hopefully he can sleep it off and you all manage to have a lovely Christmas.

He's employed rather than self employed and there's no profit share or anything but he's far too bloody diligent about work being covered.

I'm a bit cross about the family playing second fiddle to his work. He's generally too nice, diligent and needs to have a bit of a selfish survival streak in him.

My DH is similar at times, he'll battle on when he's unwell and give every last bit of himself to work....leaving nothing for family or himself. He doesn't realise it has a knock-on effect on me, who has to pick up all the slack when he can't keep going any more.
i feel your frustration

Your man is hard-working, nice, diligent (as you said) and you're complaining because he's in bed for 1 day.

If the kids are old enough, get them to help you to tidy. If they're little, put a lot of stuff away in cupboards or somewhere, so that they can't make a mess.

A family Zoom - they're not going to see your whole house. Have one tidy are and leave the rest for another time.

Hmm, I get where you're coming from in a way, but things are rarely that straightforward in the workplace.

Do you work too?

The lead up to Christmas is my busiest time at work. I put in extra hours every week, battle on through illness (back injury, vertigo and awful virus this year).

I know it winds my DH up, it frustrates him that I inevitably get ill in December and over the Christmas period.

But that's just the way my job works. It's my 'peak season'. Being ill at Christmas is almost part of my job description. I get tired, run down and mix with loads of people/germs.

I do more than pull my weight with all the home prep, but feel guilty that I can't do 100% of everything.

Sorry you've been landed with everything. I hope he picks up enough to enjoy Christmas and take some of the family stuff on while you rest up.

You can make the background fuzzy on zoom. Don't worry about the state of the house.

It's not particularly peak season - and making himself ill for the festive bank holiday period is probably harder to cover than the normal working week leading up to it ...

I do work part time - started at the beginning of December after a couple of years at home with the kids following relocation. Which hasn't helped with Christmas prep...

What I called my selfish streak has generally worked out better for us to get things done for deadline (moving house type things) as I know that if I overdo it in the lead up to a deadline I will be slower and make more mistakes at the crunch point. So I prioritise getting enough sleep to function adequately up to and beyond the deadline then pull a couple of very long days at the last minute (when we sold our last house- getting ready for photos)

There's no point pushing hard too soon as it's not sustainable - just like when I'm running if I sprint too soon I'll crash and burn!

Kids will be showing presents and probably showing off by running around - so they will show off most of the sitting room. Plus I don't want the new things losing pieces as soon as they're opened - can wait at least a day for that!

Upload a Christmassy picture and use it as your zoom backdrop.

Argh cross post. Zoom background might not work

Why do some people have the there's no one else who can do the work mentality. If your sick be at home and rest the world will not stop because you don't personally send the email or answer the phone from a supplier

To an extent he has a point because he's the only full timer in the department (and they do actually have to cover 24/7/365 between them) BUT it's more use doing the absolute essentials and screw the paperwork until you get a gap than keep pushing on with paperwork and non vital work and then inevitably getting ill.

It's just frustrating because I want to just kill off the worst of the chores and start cooking but constant interruptions to referee battles between the kids mean I keep losing track of what I was doing!

You talk like you believe he made himself ill on purpose just to spite you. Is it possible that he hasn't 'made' himself Ill at all, and that he didn't actually have much say in it?

Generally pushing through when already a bit ill and run down will lead to getting more ill. He was bitching about feeling run down but staying up late finishing work.

Only finally gave into going to bed before 10 on Thursday, used his morning off to do some work stuff rather than resting before getting the kids from school/nursery so there was plenty he could have done to stave off the virus he was already brewing.

So yes to an extent it is self inflicted.

I'm also being unreasonable but I'm tired of him prioritising work.