To Not Go To DPs Extended Family Gathering Boxing Day?

[OrangeBanana22]

For context, I’m 36 weeks pregnant and expecting to be induced in two weeks or less. We are not seeing my family this year because I’m not up to travelling across the country. So we are spending today (Xmas eve) and tomorrow (Xmas day) with DPs family already (local to us).

We have also been asked to travel over an hour away with them on Boxing Day (so that makes three days in a row with them all day) to spend the whole day and evening with his extended family (MIL side). We don’t drive so would be on her schedule and it’s very far away from my hospital (I’m in and out a lot for pregnancy complications). I also am hesitant to spend the day with 15+ people in one house in case I pick up COVID/flu so close to having the baby (I don’t want to labour unwell!).

I did tell her (MIL) it sounds nice but that we would have to see how we feel on the day and she seemed crestfallen. She then said ‘but nothing will be the same as it is this year again’ - meaning this is the first grandchild/baby in the family and we may not live in London next year to guilt us into coming.

Anyway if you made it this far….

YABU - go, it’s only an hour away and your mil is right, it’s the last chance to have a Christmas with no kids

YANBU - stay home and rest, don’t risk getting poorly or being far away from your hospital

Yanbu- stay home with a nice film and hot chocolate!

she doesn’t get to decide how you feel, what you should do. Don’t be guilt tripped into doing something you don’t want to do! Have the Christmas you and your partner want- will your partner stay at home with you if you decide not to go?

I'd take the opportunity to have a Boxing Day just the 2 of you, as it's going to be the last one for a while.

Also, you may want to set a precedent with it at MIL may assume you'll be joining the 3 day familyathon each alternate Christmas.

Don't go, you 'need a complete rest'.
Don't let mil make you feel bad. You have pregnancy complications and it would be irresponsible to travel too far for a 3rd day.

^DP would stay at home with me! He is not exceptionally close to his family and finds his extended family overwhelming and overbearing. His words to me were ‘I don’t want you being paraded around them like a prized ham’ 😂

He actually only reinstated contact with her earlier this year when we decided to try for a baby. I think if we hadn’t they wouldn’t really be part of our lives.

Give yourself the gift of a relaxing Boxing Day.

MIL might pout but honestly she will be fine.

IME Christmas changes every year - divorces, deaths, new partners, houses, babies, teenagers. There is a reason to be sentimental every year (next year it will be baby's first Christmas etc).

"His words to me were ‘I don’t want you being paraded around them like a prized ham"

Excellent response. He's got their measure by the sound of it.

She then said ‘but nothing will be the same as it is this year again’
You’re so right mil, I didn’t know you’d realised how much I am struggling. I hope I never have another Christmas 36 weeks pregnant and in and out of hospital. This year we will just have to schedule lots of rest and hope to get through today and the 25th without being too exhausted.

No do not go!

Don’t go. You don’t have to go to any of it if you’re not up to it. But it’s very short notice so make a decision and get him to tell them asap. People have been shopping and planning for gatherings for sons time so unless it’s been landed on you very recently it would have been good to decline then.

next year will be diffeernt, they will all want to see the baby,
it is your choice

Dont go. Tell them you have high blood pressure and the doctor says you have to rest.

Oh christ no, why would you? Sometimes you have to balance out the risk (you lose a nice day, it's a pita) against the gain (your MIL's gain in getting to show you off to distants as well as have you all Christmas)

Just not worth it is it?

If you don't want to go, don't go. No excuses, just say you don't want to.

I do this even though I am a bloke and haven't the ability to be pregnant! I don't believe in wasting time with people if I don't want to.

Id set this boundary and let her kick off now as it sets the scene for when baby is here.

As it sounds like she will be a corker when they are.

You will be absolutely fine an hour away from home i am sure. There are lots of virus about at the moment this is true.
Personally i think 2 consecutive days with the same family group is plenty and the third is OTT.

I DO have high blood pressure and I do have to rest 😂 that’s why I’m in and out of hospital so much! Worst of all, she’s a doctor herself so knows this very well!

Thanks all for the reassurance, I feel a lot better about setting this boundary now - I thought maybe I was overthinking it but I’d much rather be at home!!

I wouldn't be going anywhere so far away from home/hospital so near your due date!