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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To put my foot down at long last

8 replies

achildisborn · 24/12/2022 08:23

DC6 has a friend at school who they have know since approx age 3. Throughout the years they have been inseparable, enemies etc, the usual stuff for kids that age. At the moment they seem to be going through a phase of my Dc wanting to hang out with other kids, meaning that friend is feeling left out and upset. I have told DC that this is their perogative but they mustn't be unkind in the process (I'll admit some words went on between them, but given they are 6/7 does anyone even listen and absorb this stuff?!)

  • anyway, mum of friend has recently started at DC's setting as a TA, and has been told by the school that she is not allowed to hug my DC at all (my DC spends a lot of time with them outside of school as she is quite an overbearing mom and is always asking that they come over on the weekend etc, often offering to take them to bday parties etc). This has clearly confused my DC (switch in dynamics) but the difficult behaviour of them freezing out this other child has coincided with this. My DC also has a lot going on at home at the mo.
Friends mom has been doing a lot of love bombing which I find really difficult as we are not a particularly lovey family, but is saying things like "we love you so much DC, you know that" which I just feel is blurring the lines.

Aibu to just say to her that we should put the friendship on ice for a bit or not to say these love things??

OP posts:
IScreamAtMichaelangelos · 24/12/2022 08:37

It's a bit difficult because you've clearly not pushed back at her behaviour thus far. You may need to use your words and explain that playdates and affectionate behaviour in school will need to take a back seat for now.

achildisborn · 24/12/2022 08:38

I explained to her that the hugging in school is a safeguarding thing which is why the school have banned her from doing it. She must understand this.
The regular play dates (her DC is an only so gets bored wheras my DC has a sibling), I do struggle with as I barely see my DC of a weekend sometimes.

OP posts:
Stickworm · 24/12/2022 08:40

You’re upset that someone is being loving to your child? Someone that they know well and have a good relationship with?

achildisborn · 24/12/2022 08:44

I find the loving tack overbearing, as I said we don't do the whole I love you so much to death thing in my household.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 24/12/2022 08:46

The mum is overbearing.

You can easily explain to your dc that there are different rules in school and at home.

If you feel like she's there too much why dont you bring her home? Say we're going out or having some family time.

You don't have to say anything. Just withdraw a bit. Be busy.

achildisborn · 24/12/2022 17:46

I think I will just have to establish some busy boundaries

OP posts:
Firstawake · 24/12/2022 18:35

As a TA she needs to safegaurd herself against possible accusations.
Explain to her if another parent saw/ heard her she could be at risk.
Hope that helps.

achildisborn · 24/12/2022 18:52

I'm surprised she doesn't really understand this, I wonder if her closeness (regards my DC as a relative practically!) is clouding her judgement. I would be incredibly careful in her shoes but there we go.

OP posts:
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