Do you buy presents for those who don't buy you one?

[pinkvariant]

..... I often do.
I find it hard not to because I feel guilty.

This year DP bought a present for my brothers girlfriends DD who is in her early 20's. She's often rude to us, never buys us a gift and doesn't even thank us. (Neither do my nieces and nephews).

I said to DP not to get brothers gf DD a present this year but it's done now.

If you were buying for someone who never got you anything, would you stop?

I know it's not about giving to receive. But I do wonder about effort. Or even just a simple 'thank you'.

Nope, never.

@Keyansier
I need to stop really. I do it with Xmas and birthday presents. For example I get my brothers birthday presents every year even though they rarely get me one.

I suppose my aunts & uncles used to buy us presents but I never did given that I was child, then a teenager & it eventually stopped which makes sense. In my early 20s I was at university and only bought my siblings and parents presents. My parents have 3 siblings each - that would have been a bit much, so I'd move away from expecting presents from nieces or nephews and if you do, stop buying presents for them.

I buy children presents and don't get anything in return I suppose - not that I ever expect it. I don't tend to buy presents for adults and not get anything in return except Christmas cards but don't mind that.

No, we only buy for adults who buy us a gift, otherwise only children up to age 21.

Same as @Skyeheather

All agreed together though - not as a reaction to feeling I was doing all the present buying and not getting anything back.
Generally, I've been the one who has suggested not getting each other presents any more as the years have gone on.

Yes. I just do. It makes me feel nice seeing that they have something to open. So yes I do for selfish reasons.

It's a rite of passage for some people I think. I used to be all "I'm happy I want everyone to be happy , I don't care what they buy for me I just want to be nice and spread some joy"... but it stops being joyful when they don't appreciate or reciprocate. (This is different if they can't afford it/appreciate the effort by saying thank you!).

Your DP bought the present, let him crack on... but take a step back for yourself. And work on the guilt - you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about! You wanted to create a nice environment... GOOD FOR YOU!!! This isn't on you. But you need to step back from people who don't step forward. xxx

Yeah I feel bad otherwise… My adult niece never gets anyone presents, and when I give her any I never get as much of a thanks… I really shouldn’t bother with her tbh…

One of my friends who struggles with money and has an enormous family, I don’t expect anything of her but always get her a Christmas present because she’s a good person.

Oh, I had a few glasses of wine and thought it was brothers girlfriend! But I have a million nieces and nephews and they have never bought me anything (fair enough - I have their homemade stuff from school!) but they have always said thank you! I have beautiful nieces and nephews though! The same applies though since she was rude! Absolutely no need to be rude!

I used to buy my so called best friend something every year for birthdays and Christmas , for around 6 years , and then one day I realised not once in her life has she bought me anything or written me a card , so I thought fuck it ! …. No more being a mug .

Ibuy a gift for my mother - she buys gifts for no one. Isn’t grateful, it’s all a bit unsatisfactory

I think it is quite unsatisfactory when there's no thanks or no acknowledgment. I've had it for years buying my 30 year old nephew presents and never been thanked. My other nieces and nephews don't say thanks either. One is 19 and the other 13. My brothers don't even thank me.
My mum used to message me when it was my younger brothers birthday to ask what I'd got him and to make sure I get him something etc. yet he wouldn't get me anything and didn't even say thanks for whatever I'd got him.

@Julie43534
Yes it's my brothers girlfriends daughter. She is in her early 20's.
They've been together about 4 years so we don't know her well but every year I've bought her a gift. No thanks. No acknowledgement. And when we do see her she is really quite rude with us.

Just agree with your partner to stop it next year

I buy for those who I want to, I expect nothing in return. I always get a thank you though. Maybe I’d feel differently if I didn’t.

Unless you really enjoy choosing gifts and don't care whether someone appreciates the gift - seems to me it's unlikely you can feel both at the same time - just stop.

Depends who! I'm buying for sister and family but they'll be appreciative and I know my financial situation is more fortunate. It will make them happy and they focus gifts on their kids this year. If it was a distant friend then I stick with cards

I have this other way round.

I have a friend who buys for me. But I don't buy for her.

I've mentioned before I don't want to do the gift exchange. I don't like that I'd only be buying for one of my friends - none of my other friends exchange gifts and never have. And didn't want to get into a buying for one another thing.

After doing it a couple of times through feeling pressured to I said I was stopping doing it. And that I'd just buy for her two children (one is 21y now, other is a few years younger) and she buys for dd (20y) However, she still buys for me. I always say thank you, but I don't buy back anymore.

I don't but I'd be uncomfortable if someone got me a present and we didn't give one back. Close friends have repeatedly got us a present each year even though we all agree each year we won't and it makes me feel awful. This year we've got them a present because we anticipate it. But it's just adding to the cost. I've got one DD and I've bought for an additional12 kids this year (not all family) so could do without the added cost.