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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel annoyed at my friends comment?

20 replies

Derby2022 · 23/12/2022 21:32

Hi all

Bit of a story with this one -

Met a friend for a coffee today, and she explained that last week her and DH had a big blow up about something very small - her DH is the sweetest man ever, and they are not a couple to fight - context was that DH had decided to bring a friend home from work as the friend needed somebody to talk to as he was going through emotional trauma. My is currently only working PT and was at home that day anyway.

Friend openly said to me that she was quite rude to DH's friend as she wasn't in the mood for company, her DH told her that his friend was there as he had been given bad news and wanted company, was only staying a couple of hours before going home, and if she didn't want company, she could always go upstairs to the bedroom to watch tv - something which I know she does a lot anyway. Friend was not having any of it, and made a huge scene which caused DH to snap at her and call her selfish. Friend then left and they argued about it, and settled it.

Friend however wasn't done and asked her DH to leave for the night as she was pissed off with him. At this point, I said to my friend she was being a bit over dramatic and kicking him out for a night in the doghouse would be way OTT. My friend then said "well you wouldn't know because you've been single for years so you don't know anything about relationships"

I was honestly so taken back, she has always been that friend who does say things without engaging the brain first. We changed topic of conversation and then eventually she carried on about the other week, she was ranting to me about how dare her DH stay in the house when she asked him to leave, apparently, DH told her that it was just as much his house as hers, and he wasn't going anywhere and slept in the spare room. This apparently enraged her more as he said she wasn't going to command him out his own house.

I then said "well I do sort of agree with that statement, you can't force your partner to leave just because you've had a barney, if one of my partners told me to leave in my own house, i'd tell them to fuck off''

To which she then said "which is why I dont think marriage will work for you, because it's about keeping your partner happy and if my partner was upset with me and asked me to leave I would"

I replied that I didn't care about that, because I am of the opinion that if you own your home (Either on your own or with a partner) nobody in the world has the right to tell you what to do in it - my friend then snootily replied

"well maybe your parents didn't raise you in the same way as me"

LIKE WTF is that comment about?! I do have that opinion and it wont change, I then just wound up our coffee date and Ive been stewing since.

AIBU to be offended by her comments about being single, never being married and her comment on my upbringing?

So sorry for the essay!

OP posts:
Titsywoo · 23/12/2022 21:35

For all of the above she sounds like a twat!

AutumnIsHere21 · 23/12/2022 21:35

I doubt your friend will stay married for long …

DucklingDaisy · 23/12/2022 21:36

Your friend is an idiot and resorted to a low blow when you called her out for being unreasonable.

VisaGeezer · 23/12/2022 21:36

She is completely full of shit, on every point.

HappiCamper · 23/12/2022 21:37

What a twat!

ClarathecrosseyedLioness · 23/12/2022 21:38

Your friend is an opinionated idiot.

That's it.

Sorry.

Ineedsleepandcoffee · 23/12/2022 21:39

Your friends sounds plain nasty.

Mumdiva99 · 23/12/2022 21:40

Of course everything you said is right. But......your friend didn't want to hear rational. She wanted you to listen so she could vent. Ideally she also wanted you to agree with her. She lashed out because you didn't.

Can you recover from this? That depends how good friends you really are. If generally everything is good then speak to her. Explain how what she said hurt you and take it from there.

Cococomelon · 23/12/2022 21:40

She's a twat

SnowyPetals · 23/12/2022 21:41

She is a blinkered, self-centered drama queen. Why are you friends?

Iamwhatiam52 · 23/12/2022 21:43

She seems unpleasant and rude. Is she having marital issues in general do you know? Maybe it's what's triggering her?

LolaSmiles · 23/12/2022 21:43

She's very rude and seems to think the whole world revolves around her.

Is she prone to dramatic outbursts and low blow comments?

pilates · 23/12/2022 21:45

She sounds a spiteful cow

Wrinklydinkly · 23/12/2022 21:49

She wanted you to agree with her. You didn't, she sounds horrible. Her poor henpecked husband .

Poinsettas · 23/12/2022 21:51

This episode only included coffee? Think I’d need to have several shots of hard liquor to sit and listen to that.

Tinkerbyebye · 23/12/2022 21:55

Afraid I would be starting to back away from the ‘friendship’

Stopthebusplease · 23/12/2022 22:04

As someone else said, she expected you to tell her you totally agreed with her, and what a selfish git her DH was, so when you didn't, she let rip at you in the same way she clearly did with her DH. Hope he realises soon what a controlling cow she is, and tells her to 'get out'. You'll see then whether she's prepared to put her money where her mouth is!! I certainly wouldn't want to be friends with her after what she said, but obviously I don't know the background.

extrasushiplease · 23/12/2022 22:07

I'm always surprised when people like this have friends and spouses.

limitededitionbarbie · 23/12/2022 22:11

Mumdiva99 · 23/12/2022 21:40

Of course everything you said is right. But......your friend didn't want to hear rational. She wanted you to listen so she could vent. Ideally she also wanted you to agree with her. She lashed out because you didn't.

Can you recover from this? That depends how good friends you really are. If generally everything is good then speak to her. Explain how what she said hurt you and take it from there.

This is very good advice.

Gruffalo101 · 23/12/2022 22:17

Tell her that your spinster like ways have made you incredibly stupid and that you should know that to be a successful wife you have to be a melodramatic selfish hariden whose callous behaviour and comments mean she is better than everyone else and you wouldn't want force your unmarried self on her any longer.

Alternatively just tell her to buzz off. She sounds like a nasty cow who has an over inflated opinion of herself. Poor husband and his upset friend, how embarrassing as a wife is she.

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