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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your tips for me to survive this?

15 replies

tipsplease · 23/12/2022 15:07

Ok, my title is admittedly over dramatic. I apologise.

Anyway. My DP will be working away from January, every other week (pattern of a week away and a week home). I have never had to manage our toddler before entirely by myself. I also work 4 days a week. I have a quite significant commute on my working days and have to be out of the house by 7am. I drop toddler at nursery on route. I'm home by 5.45/6 pm on my working days.

I have to take lunch and tea for toddler to nursery (they don't provide it - I'm working on moving her elsewhere as this isn't convenient but for now, that's the situation). I have an older secondary aged child, too. She gets the bus to and from school but often asks for lifts etc on an evening to meet friends - between two of this is obviously more manageable, as one can do a lift while the other one does toddler bedtime etc... but I'm worried the eldest will get herself stranded somewhere needing a lift and I'll be at home putting toddler to bed, with no back up! We have no local family support either.

This is going to be my reality from the start of January so.... does anyone have any tips on how I can survive without losing my mind, please? I know many working women do this on their own all the time, so it must be do able! I'm just having a mini panic about it all as DP is very hands on when he's home from work. So going to have get used to being just one pair of hands every other week!

Any tips?

OP posts:
Original poster
tipsplease · 23/12/2022 15:38

Anyone?

OP posts:
DoNotGetADog · 23/12/2022 15:43

Tell your daughter she won’t be able to go out in the evening on those weeks. She can help you with the toddler. Maybe she can prepare their meals for the next day while you put them to bed and then the two of you can have a nice dinner together, watch TV together etc.

Original poster
tipsplease · 23/12/2022 15:52

Thanks. I thought about doing that but didn't want eldest to miss out on her social life because of this. I'd feel guilty telling her she couldn't go out on that week but she could make up for it the next one I suppose!

OP posts:
AngryGoblin · 23/12/2022 15:53

Weird advice I read on here once but it is useful, you can freeze sandwiches. So you could make up sandwiches x 4 on a Sunday
Meal plan for the 3 of you for the whole week
Toddler doesn't have to have a bath every night
Do you have Uber near you? Could secondary child get a cab sometimes?
Or can you get the friends to come to you?

mumonthehill · 23/12/2022 15:53

I have had this and still do but dc are now older. It is hard at the beginning but you do get into a routine. Also sometimes things have to give so you may not be able to do the extras that your dc may want in the evenings. But the next week you will have more support, so more able to do the extras.also relax re things like food on the weeks you are alone, freezer food is fine. Make life as easy and simple as you can.It is hard but it does get easier.

AngryGoblin · 23/12/2022 15:54

The older one needs to let you know the plans those weeks so there's no getting stranded. The worst comes to the worst, you can put the toddler and in the car and get the older one? It's not ideal but it's doable.

Original poster
tipsplease · 23/12/2022 15:55

Thanks, all really helpful.

You can freeze sandwiches?! 😮

OP posts:
thelobsterquadrille · 23/12/2022 16:06

I would do the following:

5 x sets of uniform per child. It's a big outlay, but then you don't need to worry about doing last-minute washes during the week. Maybe less for the older child as they're less likely to come home dirty or mucky.

When DP is home, cook extra of all your meals and freeze so you have something quick to hand when he's away.

Where possible, leave big tasks like changing the beds and towels for when he's home - children can easily go two weeks between changes unless there's an accident.

Don't stop the older one from having a social life but tell her that on alternate weeks, she needs to get herself home (maybe you could lift share with a friends' parent?).

Original poster
tipsplease · 23/12/2022 16:58

@thelobsterquadrille

That's helpful, thanks. Eldest DD does her own washing a lot of the time anyway so she doesn't really add to my burden in that sense. It's just the demand for lifts that will potentially mess up my week! Lift sharing isn't really an option as we live out of the way and not near any of her friends, so she's always the one needing to get the bus alone or get a lift back.

OP posts:
TeacheeTeacherson · 23/12/2022 17:05

Put out uniforms/clothes the night before (get the teenager to do hers too - nothing worse than someone telling you they’ve run out of pants first thing in the morning), put bags and shoes by the door the night before, water bottles by the sink. Have everything ready and nothing that needs finding in the morning. For the teen’s nights out - can you stick the toddler in the car asleep and go get her? I do that with my two when I need to pick DH up from the train station, they often stay asleep and can get put straight back to bed, or even if they wake up, they normally settle back quickly when we’re home as they’re used to it.

JudgeJ · 23/12/2022 17:10

tipsplease · 23/12/2022 15:55

Thanks, all really helpful.

You can freeze sandwiches?! 😮

Just don't put things like cucumber or tomato on before freezing them, put those seperately in the lunch box.

ChristmasCakeAndStilton · 23/12/2022 17:47

lobster has some pretty sound advice.

I'd also suggest not changing things too much between weeks, so try and keep a fairly similar rhythm whether DH is there or not.

How late does DD typically need a lift? Work out the latest time toddler could go in a car (in PJs totally ready for bed, with a blanket) and tell her when it's just you, that is the latest collection.

AtleastitsnotMonday · 23/12/2022 19:08

Meal plan for the time now. Think really carefully about the food you plan. Think minimal hands on time. Dishes that can be sent to nursery for little ones tea the next day even better.
Can you batch cook now so you can you can just pull things out the freezer?

If it's easier just plan a week of food and then repeat the next week.

Fresh pasta with cream cheese and smoked salmon and peas.
Stirfry using pack of ready chopped veg, chicken, rice noodles
Chicken wraps and salad
Batch cooked bolognaise
Batch cooked chilli and rice
Jacket potato's and toppings
Vegetable curry

Lkydfju · 23/12/2022 19:13

This is pretty much my life with a primary age child too. Meal planning is important so that you have easy meals to make during the week and when I make things like lasagne I make enough to put a portion in the freezer for my toddler, even with sausages etc and when I shop I do a meal plan for him too.
It’s not the end of the world to take your toddler out to collect your DD but I’d try and manage expectations and have her evenings planned so she knows how she’s getting home

Outtasteamandluck · 23/12/2022 19:45

I don't suppose there's any chance you can wfh ? Or request to ?

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