Dad's gone away for Xmas

[MrsSte]

I understand why but can't help feeling a bit upset by it.

We devastatingly lost my DM nearly 3 years ago (will be 3 years in Feb). Since then DF has spoken about going away for Xmas but I thought was all talk but alas no! Hopped on a plane yesterday and is now somewhere hot and sunny without so much as a thought about me, my DD or my brother. Further my brother lives elsewhere in the UK so is now not coming home to see us either (see's no point as DF isn't here) Other members of the family have all made plans. It's just bothering me that apart from OH and DD I'm not going to see a single member of my own family over Xmas, Aibu? Christmas was such a big thing when my DM was here and she always said it wasn't about the gifting it was the family time she loved so I feel maybe disrespectful ( I don't know if that's the right word) to her memory.

Anyway done me good to just have a moan I think. I will be going to OH family to have Chinese food on Xmas day (Chinese?!) but that's another story!

I’m in the good for him camp. I’m sorry for your loss but you have a family - yours! Probably too late this year but next year do a turkey at home and invite people around - start your own Christmas. I hope you enjoy the day yourself

I don't think he'd go for the late celebration when he's home. I think he just wants to ignore the fact it's even Christmas and just carry on as normal. Which I do get.

My brother lives a good 9 hour drive away. Not really possible with a 5 year old and work commitments. We will have a good Easter we decided.

Good for him, I hope had a fabulous time. We sometimes go away for a week or so around now. Our DC are adults and make their own plans. I would hate for them to feel reliant on us.

has...

I'm sorry to hear about your Mum.

& I'm sorry you won't be having Christmas with your Dad & Brother. It's a bit hurtful that your brother doesn't want to see you & his niece over Christmas just because your Dad won't be there, but maybe he's always wanted to do xyz at Christmas, but always felt obliged to do the family thing.

if I were you, I'd have had Christmas at home with DH & DD. Chinese food is not my idea if Christmas Dad, you can order takeaway anytime with the inlaws.

id go if it was what DH really wanted to do, but otherwise I'd choose to stay home & have a much more traditional Christmas.

if it's any consolation, I'm not spending Christmas how I'd choose either! My Dad died 12 years ago & my mum lives overseas (too far for the school break at Christmas), I'd actually rather be spending it at home, but was invited somewhere that I couldn't say no to without looking ungrateful & upsetting them.

My mum was very much the heart and soul of our family and since her passing, our family dynamics have hugely changed. I really miss the old days but don't begrudge anybody doing what they want to do. I say good on your dad, maybe he wants to wake up to somewhere different on Christmas morning than the empty house he previously shared with his wife. My dad doesn't even put up any Christmas decs anymore, that's how little it means to him now without mum x

Where has he gone? I’m totally jealous that’s he’s somewhere hot and sunny!

Seriously you will be fine, just be happy that he’s dealing with what is a difficult time of year for him.

Agree with others YABU

The first time I read this, I assumed this was the first Christmas without her, and thought that was a bit harsh.
But actually, it's been 3 years! I can't see the harm in him going away personally. It's not like you haven't got anyone to spend the day with! You've got your OH and your child!

I can understand why you're feeling a bit mopey, but YABU.

YABU but I totally understand why you feel the way you do. I hope this thread has given you a better understanding of why he may have chosen to go away and helped you realise that it is in no way a reflection of how he feels about you and your brother.

I do hope you have a lovely day with your husband and child x

Thanks everyone. Maybe I needed that little more perspective on the situation. I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas no matter what they are doing or spending it with. I now need to shift my unreasonable arse and get the Christmas cleaning underway