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Original poster

Chocolate biscuits for dinner

16 replies

Ohnobloodysnow · 23/12/2022 09:32

I'm a single mum and last night my dd woke me up past midnight crying. She's only 4 and her belly was rumbling like she hadn't experienced before.

She had been at her dad's all day, he had dropped her back just before bedtime. I asked her what did she eat for lunch and dinner. She said chocolate biscuits and apple juice. I said no what else did you eat, and she said that was it!

So I made her some pasta, and she had a yoghurt after and a warm drink finished by about 1am whilst we had a chat about eating and then she went to sleep.

Messaged her dad this morning just to check and he confirmed he'd given her chocolate biscuits and apple juice. He said that's what she asked for so that's what he gave. ALL DAY. I'm fuming. I said she's only just turned 4 and he said I know but I can't force her to eat things. I said it's not about forcing. It's about being a responsible parent and saying 1 biscuit after lunch and again after dinner and giving her a healthy meal! He doesn't see anything wrong with what he did.

I'm so upset. I really don't want her to go to him. There's no reasoning with him. Do I legally have to! There is no courts involved.

OP posts:
EezyOozy · 23/12/2022 09:34

What an absolute prick . That is neglect.

EezyOozy · 23/12/2022 09:35

You’ve got the chat in writing where he admits to barely feeding his child? I’d prob try not to send her if you’re concerned she’s not getting looked after - not a legal expert though.

Original poster
Ohnobloodysnow · 23/12/2022 09:38

EezyOozy · 23/12/2022 09:35

You’ve got the chat in writing where he admits to barely feeding his child? I’d prob try not to send her if you’re concerned she’s not getting looked after - not a legal expert though.

Yes got it all in writing on text messages

OP posts:
LadyKenya · 23/12/2022 09:39

It sounds like he has tried to be accommodating, and giving the child what she asked for. If that is your only concern with her being with him, then communicating with him should suffice.

digitalnomading · 23/12/2022 09:41

Do you have any other worries about him? How’s your communication in general? Does she like going there?

It was v poor parenting of him, tbh.

Plumbear2 · 23/12/2022 09:43

Alot of 4 year olds would say they want biscuits for dinner if given the choice. That dosent mean that's all you offer. A 4 year old has no awareness of the consequences later. Your poor dd.

Fishwifer · 23/12/2022 09:45

I'd have other concerns. Is he brushing her teeth correctly etc, adding a vest in cold weather etc

Original poster
Ohnobloodysnow · 23/12/2022 09:50

digitalnomading · 23/12/2022 09:41

Do you have any other worries about him? How’s your communication in general? Does she like going there?

It was v poor parenting of him, tbh.

Communication is my biggest worry as if she only wanted biscuits he should have told me when he dropped her back surely? Then I could have made her something before bed. He barely says anything at handover. He never tells me anything unless I ask first.

OP posts:
Beamur · 23/12/2022 09:53

Poor kid.
Is your ex used to only having responsibility for DD for short periods of time? He sounds pretty clueless.

silverclock222 · 23/12/2022 09:57

Of course you can't stop contact because of one stupid decision. Maybe try helping and guiding? Parenting just doesn't come naturally to some and neither does common sense.

Reugny · 23/12/2022 09:58

Unfortunately if you went legal you would be told it is "a difference in parenting style" as he gave her food even if it was junk.

The standard for parenting children in this country is really low with social services and the Family Court.

The best you can do is tell him - though it would be better if you had a mutual calm friend who could do that instead - that you need to give 4 year olds proper meals.

Greydogs123 · 23/12/2022 10:04

I think knowing that, going forward, I would ask every time when he drops off what your dd has eaten. You shouldn’t have to, but if he can’t use common sense a d doesn’t freely communicate then the onus is on you to find out. Your poor dd.

Original poster
Ohnobloodysnow · 23/12/2022 10:10

silverclock222 · 23/12/2022 09:57

Of course you can't stop contact because of one stupid decision. Maybe try helping and guiding? Parenting just doesn't come naturally to some and neither does common sense.

I've tried, he doesn't want guidance. This is why we broke up.

His own family have tried, he doesn't want to listen to anyone.

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 23/12/2022 10:42

That is neglect I would engage a solicitor and restrict access.

Fishwifer · 23/12/2022 10:48

Op I suspect you have years of this ahead of you. Best arrange court/ legalities.. you're going to end up having to formally legally sort this eventually.

Rip the plaster off now before you have years 9f relying on him to step up. He won't.

Reugny · 23/12/2022 23:29

YukoandHiro · 23/12/2022 10:42

That is neglect I would engage a solicitor and restrict access.

Oh dear 😂

You would be shocked by what the NSPCC, lawyers and the family court class as neglect.

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