To be scared about managing this person?

[roseretrox]

I am acting up for my manager for a month. I haven’t had training to navigate situations like this. I didn’t even volunteer - I was just told I’m doing it as she trusts me.

One member of staff (MOS) on the team has been deputy before - my manager told MOS that I’m doing it this time and he hasn’t taken it well.

MOS is male and shouted at me at work this week, over a task my manager asked me to allocate to him. He has done this before, and my manager was a witness. My manager agreed that his behaviour was not acceptable, spoke to him about it and made it clear it was her request, and asked if I wanted to raise a grievance. (He was allocated this task as he was male and the task involved a member of public who can only be dealt with by men)

My manager said that MOS expressed that he is feeling stressed, unwell and overwhelmed with work.

Posted too soon.

I didn’t raise a grievance as a result. MOS has stopped speaking to me and is making my job difficult. AIBU to I feel like I have to walk on eggshells here? I’m thinking every communication with him needs to be in writing.

Do you have a HR team you can involve? Shouting at anyone in a work environment is completely unacceptable and this behaviour needs to be logged, in my work place you’d be given a formal warning for this kind of thing.

Your manager is hoping you will deal with the problem they couldn't solve.

Wave and smile. And then enjoy your Christmas break and go back to your normal role.

HR would get involved if I raised a grievance, which I may if his behaviour continues. My manager issued him a verbal warning informally that his behaviour isn’t acceptable but he’s clearly taken that to me don’t speak to me at all 😂

I’m trying to include him in team meetings and work allocation but it’s awkward as he ignores me.

Honestly may just take the kill it with kindness approach. It makes him look extra unreasonable. I think I’ll have to allocate him work via email, CC to my manager.

but as to not single him out, may just email the entire team their work allocation and a summary of things raised in meetings.

I think your plan sounds sensible. Discussions with the team, follow-up email confirming the allocation of tasks to everyone. That way you’re not singling him out. And definitely add a sprinkling of kill with kindness.

if he doesn’t step up, then escalate to your manager and HR. He may back himself into a corner and be given a warning. But as long as you’re able to rise above it and show you’ve been fair, he is unlikely to have a leg to stand on.

You sound very grounded. You’ve got this but I’m sorry you’re having to go through this.

Really I'd say deal with it. You are his manager and his behaviour is unacceptable. It looks bad to other team members that you ignore this, they could be next on the receiving end of his outbursts. If I was your manager I'd say it was poor performance on your part to not address it.

Meeting to discuss unacceptable behaviour with evidence, verbal warning. Ask whether there is anything wrong, nothing is an excuse but something may be a reason. If something horrendous is going on at home he may need a reasonable adjustment such as time off or reduced duties but not a license to behave as he wishes. If there's no acceptable reason then find out what you should be doing if it happens again.

Or ignore it, you didn't ask for this position.

I have been in a similar position. I tried the 'kill it with kindness' approach and it resulted in the shouter upping her behaviour. I was ignored in meetings which was better than being verbally attacked which later happened. It came to a head when the person shouted at me in an open plan office and about thirty people saw and heard it. Management got involved by transferring the person to another area where of course it reoccurred.

I found the whole thing embarrassing and felt it undermined my professional reputation. People were whispering and I felt they were saying X wouldn't have shouted like that without a reason'. I ended up asking to be moved to another area myself in the end.

My advice would be to report it.

@Melon9 His anger is targeted towards me managing him - he’s pally with the rest of team. So far I don’t think I need to raise a meeting with him about his outbursts; he’s just passively aggressively stopped speaking to me since my manager spoke to him this week.

But I have allocated work completely fairly. If he completes everything, I’m alright with him not speaking to me frankly. If he hasn’t, I will take it further as that does impact the team.

Reading between the lines it seems like he found being deputy stressful and has reduced his duties to standard. It may have been a forced change. But nothing to warrant other adjustments.

@Panjandrum123 thank you!

@Adeckofcards oh dear, sorry you went through that! I haven’t even considered that as so far, everyone else has listened to me and my manager has witnessed his ridiculous behaviour and pulled him up, so there’s no question of whether I deserved it. I’m only temporarily deputising and applying for promotion of non-management roles so hopefully there won’t be an impact to my reputation. I definitely will not protect him at all though - one more strike and it’s straight to HR. I will also raise with my manager that he is ignoring me and show X examples of how I’ve tried to include him. And any work he hasn’t completed.

@roseretrox

Whilst being shouted isn't acceptable - he had said he is stressed, overwhelmed and unwell - caused by work.
What has been done about this?

Maybe that's where you should start.

Yes you could take out a grievance but they never end well.
I used to be a trade union rep and chaired many mediation meetings between managers and staff. The aim was to identify the issues and come to a resolution without going down formal procedures. Usually a much better outcome for everyone involved