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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When you/your kids have a cold do you avoid people?

36 replies

SomethingOriginal2 · 22/12/2022 18:23

I can't quite work out my stance. Last winter I had a newborn and covid was rife I think.

But this year I have a toddler and I rarely see toddlers in winter without snotty noses or coughing. And DS has been like this for about a month. He's fine in himself but snotty.

Do you just go about life as normal, or would you cancel visiting family/playdates over a cold?

I don't mean like strep, or chicken pox, or if people are immune suppressed. (Also what classifies as a baby, like obviously you wouldn't take a cold to a newborn but 2mo, 6mo. 1yr?)

I don't know and I'm autistic so I think maybe I miss these social rules?

YANBU I go on as normal
YABU if someone has a cold they stay home, no play dates, no soft play, no shopping etc

OP posts:
Dotjones · 22/12/2022 18:25

Yes you should isolate if you or your children have colds. There's no such thing as "just a minor cold" because what causes mild symptoms to you can make someone else seriously ill.

susiesuelou · 22/12/2022 18:25

I have a 20 month old and if we had stayed home for every cold / sniffle this year alone we would have left the house probably only once a month! Which clearly isn't feasible. Obviously with more serious illnesses like stomach bugs and covid etc, we have stayed home. But every cold? No.

EmmaC78 · 22/12/2022 18:26

Post covid I am more cautious and tend to minimise contact if I have a cold, more so than I would have before. Its made me think more about it.

motleymop · 22/12/2022 18:28

Well if it's just a bit of a runny nose at the end of a cold, I've been going. Not when the cold is in its full blast phase. I agree that you do see kids with the most horrendous crusty noses at these things, and it does wind me up.

This week it's me who is full of cold and I haven't taken my toddler anywhere as I don't think it's nice to be taking my stinking cold and cough into a room full of children.

VladmirsPoutine · 22/12/2022 18:28

I do. But at my workplace many don't because of the culture of presenteeism. It seems as though unless both your arms are hanging off (I do mean both because at least you could work with one), then you should be in as normal. With kids no I didn't because it wouldn't be fun for anyone involved - that said I was/am lucky that we had support because I can imagine a single mother really has no choice but to cart her baby with her to the supermarket or whatever.

jamoncrumpets · 22/12/2022 18:30

4 yo has a temp and snotty cough, we are keeping her in for a day or two as I don't see the point in taking her out in the cold and rain to give it to other people. And I certainly don't want any new germs coming into the house!

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 22/12/2022 18:32

I avoid people even when I am well...

Curiosity101 · 22/12/2022 18:32

Generally it depends on the situation for me. If there are people I know that are as vulnerable as or more vulnerable than my kids eg. Younger, elderly or with compromised immunity, then I'll give them a heads up in plenty of time and let them decide if they want to meet up or not.

I don't literally stay home and isolate with the kids though. Even if we didn't meet up with people I might still have to run errands and would happily take them to outside places like the park or for a walk etc. I do consciously avoid indoors and crowded places if they're blatantly contagious though (sneezing and coughing etc).

susiesuelou · 22/12/2022 18:34

And DS has been like this for about a month.

My toddler has had some sort of snotty nose / cough on and off since mid October. Genuinely. I imagine my boss would have been thrilled if I'd sacked work off and kept her home that entire time. Not sure I'd still have a job now 🤔

Athenen0ctua · 22/12/2022 18:36

Can't answer the poll. We don't go on as normal, we don't visit vulnerable family members if we have cold or 'flu symptoms. We do continue with school, work, shopping as normal. School want them in, work only sending us home with a positive test, we keep our distance from elderly or anyone wearing a mask in public.

Ladysodor · 22/12/2022 18:37

If I’m going to someone’s house I’d ask if they object. Personally I don’t panic about people having colds, I wouldn’t tell anyone to keep away unless they had been vomiting etc. We’ve been surviving the seasonal cold for years, covid has made some of us a bit paranoid.

Curiosity101 · 22/12/2022 18:38

Also my eldest is in the nursery school attached to our local primary school. They regularly remind us that unless the kids have diarrhea, vomiting or a temperature then they should probably be going in. They're obviously not as fussed about nursery attendance but they actively seem to encourage contagious kids to come into school 😱.

So that also affects my decision making. It was easier to justify isolating etc when everyone else was being really cautious. But now it feels like whatever I do will make next to no difference.

PlantDoctor · 22/12/2022 18:38

I'd avoid visiting anyone likely to be more vulnerable and check with parents before attending play dates.

TimeForMeToF1y · 22/12/2022 18:38

Dotjones · 22/12/2022 18:25

Yes you should isolate if you or your children have colds. There's no such thing as "just a minor cold" because what causes mild symptoms to you can make someone else seriously ill.

That's not a serious suggestion is it?

Am I really so out of touch with reality? My workplace and everyone I know missed that memo

Roselilly36 · 22/12/2022 18:39

I try to avoid colds, on the say so of my Neurologist, as I have MS.

IncompleteSenten · 22/12/2022 18:40

Yes I do but I've always been the same. I don't want to be sniffing and snotting around people unless I have no choice. It's not nice for anyone.

Athenen0ctua · 22/12/2022 18:41

Dotjones · 22/12/2022 18:25

Yes you should isolate if you or your children have colds. There's no such thing as "just a minor cold" because what causes mild symptoms to you can make someone else seriously ill.

I lose pay unless I have a positive covid test. I can't afford that. School specifically said in September to dose them up if needed and send them in, as attendance expectations are back to 2019 standards.

MissDollyMix · 22/12/2022 18:44

I wouldn’t lock my kids in the house if they had a cold and I’d only keep them off school/nursery if they were actually unwell- that’s the official advice of the school. I’d check before we went round to see someone/if someone was coming over to see us if they were ok with being potentially exposed to cold germs. Temp or vomiting though and it’s strict isolation.

PorridgewithQuark · 22/12/2022 18:46

Dotjones · 22/12/2022 18:25

Yes you should isolate if you or your children have colds. There's no such thing as "just a minor cold" because what causes mild symptoms to you can make someone else seriously ill.

This is utterly unrealistic and completely unthought out.

I work in a special needs school - most of our children are complex medically and vulnerable. Most of them are snotty from November to March.

Should they be denied an education and socialisation and all their therapies and allowed to regress and become even more vulnerable (not least because some of them are incredibly challenging and their parents would be unable to work, pay bills etc. and in plenty of cases be unable to cope) for almost half of every year?

RainbowCat26 · 22/12/2022 18:51

No I wouldn’t keep home for a cold. I would keep home without hesitation for any sort of temperature, D&V, or contagious illness such as HF&M/chicken pox. If I kept DC home for snotty noses etc then they’d never leave the house Nov-March!

Weepingwillows12 · 22/12/2022 18:53

Somewhere in the middle and depends how ill they feel. Keep doing the important stuff like school if they are ok in themselves, no fever etc but avoid vulnerable family, check with friends before we meet up etc (majority with kids are happy to meet anyway in my experience).

PorridgewithQuark · 22/12/2022 18:55

I am actually at the end of my tether with the amount of time colleagues are off sick - it has such a collosal knock on effect with classes having to be closed and meaning parents (almost always mothers) can't work, and those of us who work through being stretched to dangerous levels with less than half the number of staff we should have in each room challenging and vulnerable children, who all miss out on the high level of care and education they deserve because of this, and all the administrative work for two or three staff members waiting and building up to be done after the children go home by the one staff member who hasn't stayed home with "a scratchy throat" ...

MrNook · 22/12/2022 18:59

I stay at home and avoid playgroups etc if DD is poorly, yes.

We went to a group last week and there was a toddler coughing and spluttering all over her and nose streaming, sneezed in her face, only day we'd been out all week and 3 days later DD has caught it and it's totally wiped her out, she's got a temp and is miserable and will now probably be sick over Christmas

Whitewolf2 · 22/12/2022 19:03

Depends how they are in themselves or where we’re going. If they’re running around as usual with a bit of a running nose or cough then yes we’d go out. If they had a temperature or nasty virus no we wouldn’t go out.

HappinesDependsOnYou · 22/12/2022 19:08

I avoid elderly or immune suppressed family members when DS is ill but other parents with toddlers I tell when he is poorly and then it's their call whether they are happy to meet. We haven't faced chicken pox etc but strep a we stayed clear of everyone and isolated same as we would for covid.