I feel like my partner never considers my side of things...

[lf57]

Context me - F, 39, full-time employed; him - M, 54, self-employed.

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed and upset by his behaviour?

We moved into our current house 3 years ago.The middle room became a sort dumping ground for his belongings, including his bike, which he wanted to store in the shed (at the time it was full of a previous owners stuf which they had 'kindly' left)

That room then needed to become my home office during the pandemic so I ask him repeatedly to I've his things. I wanted to decorate to make it a better space to work in.

He lost his contracts during the pandemic as he works in hospitality. He has yet to return to work so still has a lot of free time on his hands.

Sadly, my maternal grandmother passed away this year and my mum has been really struggling. I have asked her to come to us for Christmas day and it will be the first time we have not all gone to my grandmother's and it will be the first time I will host and cook a whole Christmas dinner so I want everything to be just right. I asked my partner, once again, to move his things and he said he would....

I booked annual leave this whole week to ensure I had enough time to decorate and prepare the food without having to rush (I have two health conditons which are potentially life threatening so physical tasks can take longer and leave me exhausted).

I think you've all guessed it.....nothing has been moved, I haven't been able to decorate yet and I just feel really let down.

This is now the fourth time that I've booked annual leave to get a job done in the house that he said he would prep for and didn't. I've wasted this week waiting around for him and I may as well have been at work.

think in your shoes I would tell him he has 24 hours to move his stuff one a day you know he has free and that if he doesn’t move it you will be dumping it all in the garden so you can decorate.

I'd have lost my patience long before now if I was you, I'd have taken all of his shit to the tip. Seriously though, why not just throw it out?

This type of thing would be relationship rethinking time for me. He’s showing such a lack of respect, both of your space and time, and I don’t really understand how you can have gotten to annual leave time and he’s still not shifted the stuff, knowing full well the plans to decorate. What’s the relationship like besides this?

If it's not been moved in all this time he won't miss it so just sell or get rid.

How has he responded when you’ve talked to him about repeatedly letting you down, and the waste of your time?

So he has his shit in half of it and you have your office in the other 1/2
you have 1/2 each
as annoying as it it part of sharing I’m afraid

Is the shed empty?
Chuck it in there if it is, if not get some black sacks and bag up the lot. He probably has no idea what is there anyway.
His bike can be chained up outside.

Have you talked to him about what it’s not happening? Is he lazy about other things too or is this something where, really, he doesn’t want to give up the room?

It does sound like he’s putting himself ahead of you, but the way you describe how this has developed in your OP it sounds like he’s possibly being
steam rollered a bit - as though it’s just assumed your needs trump his over this room. And I’m not saying they don’t. Somewhere to work when you WFH is more important than somewhere to store a bunch of boxes, etc. But in a very human way, being just expected to downgrade what you currently have when things change can trigger procrastination as more of an emotional defense mechanism than a deliberate not caring about you thing.

If that’s what’s happening (and he may just be a generally lazy or selfish arse) he may not even realise it. A good talk could help tease it out and give you a way as a couple to find a solution that doesn’t feel like either of you are being neglected or your needs relegated to the bottom of the pack.

Hi, thanks for your response. I don't use the room to work in anymore as I'm back on campus. The issue is that we agreed that we woukd use it as a dining room and he was in just as much agreement, if not more! I just wanted things to finally be cleared for Christmas. When I ask him about it he usually just grunts something about putting it in the shed, but that needs clearing first. I got rid of the previous owners stuff a couple of years ago and he then promptly filled it back up. He has use of the whole loft space, I think there are one or two boxes that are mine but that's it and the stuff in the 'dining room' is all bones of random screws, old paint pots and bits of wood that he finds in skips that might be useful for a 'project' one day.... He also has an office of his own which doesn'thave to serve a dual purpose.

When I remind him I've booked annual leave he always assures me he'll get it done in time. I've also said that if he doesn't think he will getit done to just say so so I don't make plans around him.

Give him a deadline and say if the deadline isn't met you'll be ordering a skip. And do it!

Go put it all in his office?

Honestly it sounds like it's just junk, find a man with a van and get rid of it all. You could order a skip but that'll just turn into a game of you dumping the stuff and him picking it back out.
For Christmas could you go to your mums but you cook the meal and stuff, leave him to it, tell him you want it all gone for boxing day

Get a friend round to move it all into his office - job done.

His behaviour is really disrespectful though. Shows total lack of respect for your time.

Wtf, dump it all in his office. He doesn't even need an office, he isn't working.

Man with a van, or dump it all in his office. It's not like he hasn't had time to sort it out, if he's not back to work yet.
My ex husband was like this. Even when we were splitting up, the garage of our marital home was still full of his stuff on the day we moved out. Every time l'd say to him "We've got two weeks/one week/three days..... left" he'd just get annoyed and say "I know, you don't have to keep going on at me!"
It was still all there the day the sale went through. I was mortified, even though none of it was mine. And it wasn't 'junk'. Three motorbikes, all his tools, gym equipment, garden stuff, etc.
Luckily the couple who'd bought the house were extremely reasonable and agreed he could leave it there a few more days while he hired a van. If it'd been up to me l'd have suggested they charge him rent for the days it was still there.
I refused to have anything to do with it. I doubt he felt any shame or embarrassment but l certainly did.
If he won't sort it, OP, you'll have to. One way or another. It's not like Christmas (and visitors) isn't an unscheduled event.

I love this crazy "if you don't, it's going in the bin" attitude responses. Imagine if the roles were reversed and a man said this, he'd be getting called controlling, getting red flags, "get rid".

Stop with the threats/blackmail suggestions, you're not his mum!

Wait for a weekend, middle of the day, when nothing else is being done and start moving stuff. Just say "we're doing this now" and just be straight with him, "no, you've been putting it off for long enough, enough procrastinating!" He'll know from your tone it's now or there will be hell to pay.

Having read your update I’m siding with you

I presumed it was his general day to day stuff not crap he’s fished out of a skip and old paint pots
need to go in shed