Hi not sure what i’m aiming for with this tbh but just feeling totally deflated. A bit of background I have a 2yo and since he was born he’s always been a very high needs baby to now toddler, he was a very colicky baby, silent reflux, born prem so grunted pretty much every other second that he wasn’t screaming even at 4 weeks old he never napped, still doesn’t nap, i’ve never been able to put him down or leave a room and it’s still going and as he’s getting bigger i physically can’t do it my body ache from lifting to wrestling to nappy changes, getting him ready etc. I struggle majorly with severe PND, PNR and PNA i’m doing this pretty much alone as i don’t have family and my partner works every hour god sends. I try to gentle parent as much as i can but i’m ao triggered by everything and lately i feel like it’s becoming borderline abusive as i can’t regulate my emotions so i scream and lash out a lot, which makes me feel even worse as i am his person, his safe space. I’m under care of psychiatry and CPN but I just can’t cope with waking up every single day and wishing i was dead and that he’s better off without me, to then crying myself to sleep knowing i have the same process to repeat the next day.