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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how you sort out christmas presents?

21 replies

courtneyriordan · 22/12/2022 16:08

DP and I had a baby this year, and moved in together during my pregnancy so this will be our first christmas together (in terms of as a family, we have shared previous years with both our families, but this is the first year spending it as a family with our DS.

This year has been financially a lot harder than past years, due to having a baby and having extra expenses we hadn't yet had, all manageable of course, but we learnt to manage money better and only buy necessities and on the occasion treat ourselves.

DP and I agreed that from now on we'll just sign gifts in the name of the 3 of us. Since we're a big family (in laws + my family) who will be spending the holidays together, we decided we wouldn't be doing separate gifts from now on. DP bought for his side of the family and i bought for my side of the family (equal numbers of family members and more or less equal money spent, easier to separate it like this than split the final cost of all gifts, since he knows his family better and i know mine better)

But MIL has continuously been asking what I will be buying for her, and has decided to buy me more than one gift a couple days before christmas, making me feel perhaps i should've bought something for her alone, but this would be going against what DP and I mentioned since she would be the only to receive a gift from DP and I and then me alone.

We have also bought smaller gifts for everyone on behalf of our DS (small little decorative pieces i.e. a frame engraved saying "i love my grandparents" with a photo of him.)

Do I go out and buy MIL another gift or tell her we're sticking buy a gift as a family? How do you organise your gift buying??

OP posts:
Trinxsy · 22/12/2022 16:10

We just buy for each other and our children now. We have told everyone this and that we do not expect anything at all but our family still buy us some small bits with the understanding we will only be giving Christmas cards. It's expensive with children now and we just cannot afford it.

Sidking · 22/12/2022 16:10

It's from all of us, if it's to my parents my name is signed first, OHs dad then his name goes first.

We do tend to sign a gift to grandparents from our boys, but that would be something small.

RobinRobinMouse · 22/12/2022 16:11

We do what @Sidking does.

Lkydfju · 22/12/2022 16:11

We’ve bought together since we moved in together and just spent a little more because it’s from both of us. Just tell her that.

Ohdearnotagain76 · 22/12/2022 16:12

Stick to what you have decided. You don’t do separate cards so why would you do separate presents. I/we buy for my family and for DSD but we don’t buy for his siblings, this has always been the way and my family buy for my children and my parents buy for me and my DH.

Stompythedinosaur · 22/12/2022 16:13

We buy gifts as a family. I've never heard of anyone doing it differently!

BooksAndHooks · 22/12/2022 16:13

It’s from all of us. I don’t know anyone who buys separately like that.

PuttingDownRoots · 22/12/2022 16:14

We buy from all of us. Anything "grandparenty" tends to have just DDs names on the label though.
I often get MILs gift but its from both of us. I just have better taste than DH.

Outnumbered99 · 22/12/2022 16:14

"Ah MIL as we are a family unit now the presents are from all of us, and your lovely DS bought yours. We have had to keep within budget, i hope you have a lovely Christmas you Mardy arse"

Lyricallie · 22/12/2022 16:15

We’re the same as a previous poster, my mum gets my name first and vice versa mainly so we know who’s is who’s.

Also DH side is much smaller so we buy all presents from the family money.

OttersMayHaveShiftedInTransit · 22/12/2022 16:16

"MIL, I don't need suggestion for this Christmas as DP and I have already bought for you - you will find out what it is when you open it."

RossPoldarksWife · 22/12/2022 16:16

We do the same as you. I buy my side, partner buys his side. All presents have both our names on. I wrap mine, he wraps his. It’s nice to share the responsibility.

Being as you’ve started this the year your baby is born, then there is no reason not to continue. Your Mil will get the idea . If she chooses to buy you something then that is her choice. You don’t have to reciprocate.

Enjoy your first Christmas with your baby!

Ragwort · 22/12/2022 16:18

Like everyone else, from all of us .. and I cannot believe the cheek of your MIL 'asking' what you are getting her .. she sounds like a petulant child.

longtompot · 22/12/2022 16:35

We buy from us to family member, though now we just do a secret Santa for the adults, so any for nieces and nephews they are from all of us. If your mil wants to get you another present that's on her. Don't feel pressured to buy more than you and dh agreed on.

MatildaTheCat · 22/12/2022 16:41

My sons’ partners initially bought us gifts in addition to the gifts from our boys but I very quickly told them that any gifts we received were from them jointly and please not to buy individually.

Just let your DP tell her you are a family. Out of interest if MIL is married is her DH buying you a separate gift?? I doubt it.

KupoNutCoffee · 22/12/2022 17:06

I tend to get most the gifts and we broadly go halves (% split on salary, sitting at about 45/55) We have a bit of an unequal family so his side definitely has more spent on them, but often less per person - 5 siblings (2 married and 4 nieces/nephews) to my 1 engaged sister. So I maybe spend 30 on my sister to 10 each on his. Kids will be fairly equal regardless.

Most of our arguments are normally about him having an awesome expensive idea for one specific person - and he's happy to buy it himself not the joint....and me arguing its not about the actual shared cost, but the making it 'fair' budgeting the same for all the children/siblings etc.

I tend to write the gift tags with the family side owner's name first, but I think most of them know its basically picked by me regardless.

The aim is the gifts are picked together rather than buying for our own family side. The reality is mostly he has no clue, I have little clue but refuse to buy gift cards or toiletries sets, and therefore I...with higher bar of what constitutes a gift, run ideas past him, buy most of them, and present him with grand total.

I wouldn't say anything - it'll become apparent it's a joint present. If you're feeling what she's got you (and dp) is making your joint offering inadequate, then by all means agree to buy her another gift...from your family.

But there is always someone that buys you more than you buy them. And you don't give to receive.

healthadvice123 · 22/12/2022 17:13

From all of us , I know more people that do it like this
So just put all our names on

Scriabin · 22/12/2022 17:31

MIL has continuously been asking what I will be buying for her, and has decided to buy me more than one gift a couple days before Christmas

This is odd behaviour!

Very usual and expected to buy presents as a family when you become one.

Don't get caught up in trying to meet your MIL expectations around this - it will go on for decades otherwise...

fancyacuppatea · 22/12/2022 17:36

NO!
You don't need to get her an extra gift.
Is your DH buying your mum an extra gift??

fancyacuppatea · 22/12/2022 17:39

Oh, and the appropriate response is "Have you been Naughty or Nice, MIL? You will have to see what Father Christmas brings in his sack."
🤣

HerbErtlinger · 22/12/2022 17:42

I buy for my family and DP buys for his. Tags are from both of us

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