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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would this piss you off?

7 replies

anonposter2023 · 22/12/2022 14:43

Partner had form for not keeping his word. It's a lot of minor things, but they add up to a really annoying pattern of behaviour. Also makes me feel like I'm not important enough to him to keep his word to me.

Examples:

  • "I'll call you some point this morning from work to see how you're doing" (context: at home with our young DC not feeling well, said he'd call to check on me). No call.
  • "I'll be home around 7pm ish to do bedtime with toddler DC" (if out with mates drinking - having been out since the afternoon). Comes home around 9pm. No update in the meantime.
  • "I'll do it tomorrow when I'm off". (Insert any number of random household jobs that have needed doing forever). Doesn't do it.

These are just small examples but this is a pattern - whenever he says he will do something however small, he doesn't do it. I've stopped expecting it to happen now so I don't feel disappointed.

He is, however, exceptionally good at keeping his word to particular others. Eg, work colleagues, or certain family members. E.g. if he's told his Dad he will visit him at x time with our DC, he gets stressed leaving the house, eg "got to go now, told Dad I'd be there for 2pm" etc. Or picking up eldest kids from their mums - same scenario - "told them I'd be there at 3pm, got to leave now". Or work: "told my mate I'd do him a favour and get in earlier for the shift swap, so got to go now". Etc.

AIBU to get annoyed with this? It's literally only me who he doesn't keep his word to. He has no respect for me, does he?

OP posts:
anonposter2023 · 22/12/2022 14:45

Forgot to add, It's got to the point where he says "I'll do x tomorrow / I'll be home at x time..." etc, I say to myself in my head "yeah.. Sure you will". Because I just know it's highly unlikely to happen.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 22/12/2022 14:51

You need to pull him up every time he lets you down. He's got into the habit of telling you what you want to hear and you are letting it go.

anonposter2023 · 22/12/2022 15:02

Thanks @Ponoka7

I do, but sadly he continues ...

OP posts:
anonposter2023 · 22/12/2022 15:03

Or he turns it into an argument about how he "does so much and I'm never happy" / "always on his case" etc

OP posts:
fenellavonspurtz · 22/12/2022 15:28

Sounds like a lazy waste of space and I doubt he will ever change. Bin him off and get someone who respects you. Can't even make it back for his own child's bedtime and would rather be out on the piss? He's not a student.

MushMonster · 22/12/2022 15:29

I am a bit like him. I get almost stressed out when I have things on a timer. I stress about been here or there for a certain time, doing this or that for others. If it is for me, I am chilled and all happens and is a happy place. Maybe he feels he can be relaxed around you.
It is a bad habit, though. Surely we all procastrinate, but having a partner to push us gently is good! Do not let him get away with too much of it, but do not take it so personally as thinking you are not important enough. It is a bit much like kids misbehaving for the parent they are closer to, at least for me.

Nagado · 22/12/2022 15:36

anonposter2023 · 22/12/2022 15:03

Or he turns it into an argument about how he "does so much and I'm never happy" / "always on his case" etc

I’d call him on it. If he claims he does so much, ask him what he does. I mean, he tells you he’s going to do lots of stuff, but what is it he actually does? Can he give you five things that he does that you don’t need to beg and plead with him to do?

If he says that you’re never happy, ask him what you’ve got to be happy about when your partner does nothing but let you down? What exactly is he bringing to the table? Would he be happy if he had a partner exactly like him?

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