Parent relying on homeopathy for traumatised child

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Name change for this post. I went to a work Christmas event yesterday and was seated next to a woman I had never met. Perhaps it was the Prosecco on arrival and the free bar, but she spent half the evening talking to me very intensely about her dreadful marriage to an abusive man who is now in prison for sexually assaulting their daughter. She talked about how damaged the daughter is, how she hasn't been to school for years and is getting no education, won't leave the house, suffers from dreadful anxiety all the time and is a suicide risk. It might have been the booze, but there was a disorderliness to the account that made it very hard work. She cut backwards and forwards in time, seemed to assume I knew things that I couldn't possibly know etc. My heart went out to her, I can't begin to imagine how nightmarish that would be. I don't know her, but my impression was that she wasn't well.

I asked her what help they were getting. She said they were using homeopathy. I thought she was joking and laughed and said I'd meant was the daughter receiving specialist support from trauma experts. The mother said that when this all came to light the girl was interviewed by the police and saw a couple of CAMHS specialists who wanted her to talk about what had happened to her and she hated it, so now they're relying on homeopathy. The girl texts the homeopath each week to say how she's feeling and the homeopath posts pills to be taken through the week. I then asked the mother what help she'd had and it was homeopathy and prayer. Not long after this she left in a hurry because the daughter had sent a message asking her to go home.

On the way out of the event later another woman came up to me and said she'd noticed I'd been talking to X all evening and said she hoped I was okay. She introduced herself as X's colleague and just said 'It's not easy, is it?' That was all. It's been on my mind ever since. Went to bed thinking about the daughter, woke up thinking about her. If anyone has any constructive thoughts I'd be pleased to hear them. Although the company we work for doesn't offer everyone health insurance, I know it has offered high-quality medical and psychological support when staff have needed it in the past. But obviously you have to want that support.

They actually can't do that. If the child is legally of school age then she needs to stay on their books until reaching school leaving age and an EWO appointed to support the family. Camhs similarly would keep her on their books even if she's refusing appointments. Meaning she could re engage at any point prior to turning 18 if she feels ready to do so. Refusing to engage is different than being closed to statutory services altogether and they will have a legal duty to support her until 16 and 18 respectively. What could end up happening though is a young girl being removed from her mother because you aren't familiar with domestic abuse and trauma, this would add further trauma to both and the alternative for the daughter would be a children's home with other kids who have significant difficulties. Not a good outcome for either and the majority of young people who've grown up in a dv household will find being away from their mother incredibly distressing, her mother is clearly ťrying her best and the right people are already involved.

I'm beginning to feel slightly less haunted by this mother and daughter, but there something about the way the mother talked about this yesterday — she kept very strong eye contact and there was something compulsive about the way she related what had happened — that has really got under my skin. We were in this little bubble in the middle of a noisy Christmas meal.

One of the things concerning her was the fact that she was spending nearly £200 each month on the homeopathy and she's not sure she can afford it. Someone's profiting out of all this distress.

I think that's it here for me. What a depressing start to Christmas.

There’s nothing you can do, and it may not even be true.

She may have made it all up and never had a child for a start. Secondly not every one and not all religious beliefs mean that people would want therapy. Scientologists for example go in for auditing instead of it and they don't have their children taken away from them.

I agree, you can't force the poor girl to talk about it all. At least her mum, who is probably beside herself with worry and guilt (enough to collar a colleague's sympathetic ear for a whole evening) is doing what she can and showing that she cares. Hopefully in time the girl will be able to open up to someone who can help. As for trying whatever might help: My little one had stomach problems for years and the medics couldn't come up with any solutions, despite tests etc. So I tried homeopathy. Didn't know if it would help. But one dose of whatever-it-was did the trick. A while afterwards I heard her laughing and it struck me. I couldn't remember hearing her laugh - it had been so long that she'd had pain and discomfort. Same with acupuncture - after years of migraines (and thankfully I did have some medication that relieved them) they got so frequent I thought I'd try acupuncture. Same thing, after a couple of sessions I was migraine free for months, one more session and now free for a year. I know this doesn't 'work' for all types of migraines but please don't discount something that might just be able to help you. And find a good practitioner. Take care of yourselves and those around you.

Homeopathy is just as likely to work for the child as any other intervention. SHe will feel like she is in control, she will feel like she is being listened to, and really, that is all that is likely to be on offer through any other form of treatment