Am I overreacting?

[ohmyohmy123]

Hubby and I have both started new jobs in the last 8 weeks. I have increased my hours to full time. He works 8-4pm and I work 9-5pm. He is never home before 5pm and doesn't get breaks as he's a tradesman and is busy.

Ds3 needs to go to an emergency dental appointment today as he has cracked a tooth and is in pain.

I am working from home today but have really important meetings that I can't get out of. I have always done all primary care of the children and have just made it work.

Hubby is working locally - 7 mins drive away. He is on a team job so not alone on the job.

Aibu I think he should be able to pop out to take ds to dentist - it would take max 30 mins.

He says he cannot do it and I have to.

You don’t have to. And this will keep being an issue while he thinks he and his job are more important than you and yours.

Put your foot down. He needs to share the childcare not put it in your camp. He is being unreasonable.

We typically take turns with things like this, appointments and sickness etc. who did the last one? Could you set up something similar so it's divided fairly?

Is the job time crucial before the December/Jan building trade break? If not then he should go.

We take turns for stuff like this.

Of course he's being unreasonable, but I'll bet he doesn't see it. I'll bet he see's his job as the main one, and the highest priority, and that you are the default parent, so stuff like this is your responsibilty, and he just helps out when he can. (Yes I'm probably projecting a bit, my exH was crap with this too)

Really hard to say from this. He clearly thinks whatever he has on is as important as your meetings.

DH and I will cover stuff like this on the basis of who has the least important thing going on and if it's equal we take it in turns.

So, on the basis, that at the moment you are equal, it should be whoever didn't take time off work last.

Thanks everyone.

I ended up taking him and missing a meeting.

DH still doesn't see that he should have done it.

He definitely prioritises his job because he earns more. Ive always just done the childcare and struggled although I worked part time so tried to change shifts or do things on my days off.

He's never been to anything, parents evenings, school assembly's etc. he just doesn't get it that you are allowed a life around working and entitled to take time off for things. If they need doctors or hospital it's always me.

Anyway I feel better for the rant thanks for listening!

Write down everything he's never taken your child to that you've had to.
Then ask if he sees you as a servant or your job as worthless.

Tell him next time it's his turn as you're both full time now.

Although how were you able to get out of the meeting?

Actually for a lot of trades it is very difficult to just walk off a job, even if just for thirty mins. It’s also very different for other jobs just not to attend a meeting,

the appt should have made with this In mind, during lunch hour or before start of work,and lunch hours moved to cover if possible

If you routinely "just didn't go to the meeting" that really isn't going to put you in a good light for things like promotion etc.
You need to grow a backbone! Tell oh-so-important hubby that you can't do everything.

I’d be telling he’ll need to do more when the divorce comes through.

I explained the situation to my boss and hence got out of the meeting. Doesn't look good when I've just started as I had to take my other child to an appointment last week which is why I thought DH should have done this one.

Today was the only day I'm inflexible with the meeting being important. Most days I'm flexible as manage my own diary.

It was the only dental appointment I could get before Xmas. Ds was in pain as cracked his tooth. We were in the dentist all of 5 mins so 20 mins total out of the house.

DH had the work van, he was driving to the job and whilst not ideal he wasn't the only one working today so could have bobbed out. He was 0.7 miles away from home and had been on the same job for 2 days so he knew what the plan was etc.

Anyway - it's done now. I'm not talking to him as he still doesn't get it that he can get off work to take the children places and is adamant it's my responsibility.

Yanbu but not sure how you will convince him to see that he's not doing his fair share if he adamantly believes it was your responsibility regardless of circumstance. This sort of thing would lead to lasting resentment and bitterness because it's not something you can 'play chicken' with.

I mean this in a nice way but why is your job more important than his? How do you know he could just leave for 30mins, like you said, he doesn't even take breaks. That shows how busy he is. I bet he is jumping straight back to work after Xmas. Cut the guy some slack. It is hard work working a manual job. And just because he is working in a team doesn't mean they aren't dependent on his input to get something achieved. He probably has the other guys breathing down his neck eager to get the job done, especially coming up to Xmas.

Where were the kids today out of curiosity? Were they at home with you while working?

Yes they were at home with me. It's very new me working from home so we are just trying to work out the logistics of it.

To answer previous person I don't think my job is more important at all - but I've already had to take time off to take one of the children to an appointment and felt cheeky to ask again for time off to take my ds this time.

I've worked full time my whole life but went part time 4 years ago to support DH career.

Oops posted too soon!

We discussed how his career had settled so I could work full time again. We've had many discussions about how we need to share responsibility of the children etc.

They are 12 and 15 by the way so not young. Perfectly capable of looking after themselves - but not taking themselves to the dentist as a parent needs to be there if under 16.