Wanting another baby.

[Confusemama]

I’ve got two kids, 11 and 13. For a good 10 years I’ve always said I don’t want anyone more, but for the past year it’s all that has consumed my mind.

I had eldest when I was 22, so I’m still quite young, so I could have another. It makes no sense whatsoever to want another though.

Will this feeling ever go away or will I end up regretting not listening to my body’s ache for another baby?

I don't think it ever makes "sense" to want a baby! It's more of an instinct.

The best way to get over it is by doing financial calculations. How much will it cost to put both your children through university, how much to help them with weddings and house deposits. When they’re older will splitting the inheritance in two help then more than a third each? Then I might worry about the environmental situation and the quality of life of the child etc.

Maybe I’m too pragmatic but I’m very glad the universe made the decision for me five years ago. Life has changed completely and my focus is ensuring my kids have the best life I can give them and I don’t hear a peep from my ovaries anymore.

I think you need to put your exiting kids first. They will go through exams and important changes in their lives when you might be battling with a lack of sleep with breastfeeding and that is a really hard mixture speaking from an experience...

I think it's more the biological urge making us broody rather than sense. I don't think it stops completely, I'm 42 with 3dc, sad I won't get to experience pregnancy again but also my minds says, what are you thinking?! You have your independence and in a better financial position than to have a baby.

You are still young enough though and if you can go through it again with a supportive partner. What's more appealing, baby or more freedom?

I’ve said it before on here but I really don’t think that feeling has to actually go away. Sometimes we just have to make the decision that we aren’t having any more. There’s a lot to factor in especially when you have older children already and many people don’t feel ‘done’ but followed their head instead of their heart.

Are any of your friends pregnant, or have just had a baby?

You do need to consider the impact of a baby/toddler on 2 teens with exams not that far away (esp for the eldest) sleepless nights mixed with GCSEs won't help them.

I can absolutely understand the feeling. I have a little boy, who is 2 years and 4 months. I also have a 10 month old daughter. I'll be 36 in February, but I have already told my husband I want to start trying for No 3 beginning of next year. 😂

I say go for it if you're in a financially secure position. It might not work at our age, but at least we tried! Good luck x

Thank you all. I have a very supportive partner, we are fortunate to be financially comfortable. Non of my close friends or family have had any small children recently. I think my children would love a baby brother/sister.

My real issues is I’ve gone 10 years without even a small thought of a baby, but now it’s constant.

My concern is will I regret not having another baby?

You say you had your eldest at 22 so still young enough to have more, but on the flip side, when you have kids young, you don't get to experience adult life and freedom in the same way that people who have kids in their 30s do. But... You get that at the other end, when your kids are adults.

If, however, you have kids spanning two decades like that, then you never really get that time to yourself. Do you really want to have dependent kids for 30+ years?!