Baby's first holiday

7 replies

Bubblepopped · 22/12/2022 00:47

I think I'm potentially U but wondering if anyone agrees with me. NC just in case

I've just had my first baby and my DH has a teenager, we're currently planning our first family holiday. DH would like his mum to come with us, which I'm totally fine with.

My AIBU is she looks after her primary aged godchild a lot and has asked if it's okay if they come too. I don't know this child, have met them a couple of times and feel like it would totally change the dynamic of our holiday. I'm not the most sociable of people and apart from my own and family not actually a huge fan of kids. Me, DH and our eldest would be roped into playing/entertaining them and it would just be a different vibe than I was expecting.

I feel awful that I want to say no because of this. DH is indifferent, doesn't feel like it makes a difference either way so would say yes which makes me the bad guy for not being happy about it

OP posts:

ErrolTheDragon · 22/12/2022 00:51

YANBU, it seems perfectly reasonable that you should want a family holiday. A child you don't know well who isn't near the ages of your family doesn't sound like a great idea to me.

LipsSoScarlet · 22/12/2022 00:51

I would personally be fine with a primary aged child joining the holiday. What dynamic are you worried about them ruining? If you’re able to explain exactly what you’re worried about then it could be that DH and MIL are able to alleviate those worries in some way as there may be no expectation at all of you entertaining this child. Whether your DH would be might depend on his relationship to said child.

Ponoka7 · 22/12/2022 01:02

Why would you have to entertain the child, if she looks after them a lot? I'd plan out what you want to do, then speak to her about what she wants out of the holiday. Then decide.

ErrolTheDragon · 22/12/2022 01:03

I would personally be fine with a primary aged child joining the holiday

Which is pretty irrelevant as the OP isn't. I wouldn't have been either, unless it was a child I knew well and who knew and got on well with my own of a similar age.

Fleurdaisy · 22/12/2022 01:09

Also depends on the type of holiday you’re having. Centred around cultural things like art galleries, or historic stuff probably not that interesting to a young child. Centre Parcs they’ll have fun and not need entertaining.
I think you’re already stretching your holiday taking mil, you’re not under any obligation to take a child you barely know who might not be happy to stay away from their parent/s for a week or two.

Original poster

Bubblepopped · 22/12/2022 01:53

We're looking to go abroad all inclusive for a week- thought it would be easier with a little one and DP wants some sun, so it would be playing in the pool with them and just general chat. All the care would be done by MIL but I I couldn't just ignore a child for a week so would have be to involved to some extent I wouldn't be rude or mean. We'll have a baby and a 15yo who'll most likely be on her phone with headphones on in between splashing about with her sister, a 10yo is very different.

My mil is such a kind, open-hearted, welcoming person- always has a houseful, never says no etc and this child will probably become more like my family in the future (me and DP haven't been together that long, he used to see this child more regularly pre covid but that stopped things and also the age difference between the kids became more apparent) so I feel like she would judge me for not being on the 'more the merrier' bandwagon

OP posts:

SunshineAndFizz · 22/12/2022 03:00

It's fine to say no, I wouldn't want some random kid on our holiday either. Maybe she's worried the parents won't have childcare without her? I'd say something like "We don't really know x so we're just keeping the holiday to our family. Completely understand if that means you're not free to come but naturally we'd love to have you there if you can."

Flip