To hate all these societal pressures

[Grasshopper12]

Especially to do things by around the age of 30. According to society you should be having lots of fun/travelling/dating in your 20s, then when you reach about 30 you should be settling down with and marrying one person, with your first child appearing a year or so after the wedding.
As a female you should be dating a male at least the same age or ideally 3-4 years older, and who earns more. God forbid a woman would date a younger man.
Just starting to think this is the expectation of people in society, and that it's incredible how many people follow this pretty much to the letter.

I married at 22 but feeling the need to have a baby now. I am wondering if it's because SIL is having a baby. DH is broody but he says its up to me. I would like a baby but do I need to have one at 30. Is it societal pressure? If it is pressure then I should just do as I please because its probably not a good idea to make decisions based on what you think you should do. In my experience it's rarely the right decision.

I mean would my ovaries shrivel up and die at 31 or 32?

I think other ways of living are becoming more common and more accepted.

Nah, you do what you want.

I’m mid-30s. I did have in my 20s but maybe not as much travelling as I could have. I’m single and happy that way. I’m also a lesbian so zero chance of me dating a male a few years older!

Just do what you want. I dont see any of these pressures anywhere, I have never done anythng other than exactly what I want

I think you made most of that up, TBH. Or you mix with a very small and insular “society”.

Ignore all societal pressures. It’s YOUR life to live it as you wish.
I did, and I can honestly say I am happy and couldn’t give a toss what anyone thinks I should or shouldn’t have done. I am in my late forties btw.

I know what you mean, but you should do what you want to do. At the end of the day it's your life, and you should be happy and 'society' actually won't care about what you did or didn't do

Sounds like you had a similar mum to me, she was the source of pretty much all the expectation pressure.

29 and single..
31 and no kids...
40 and no career...
Etc

These things would be brought up at every opportunity, even with people I didn't know..

"I just want you to be happy..."
Sounds a lot more like,
"I just want you to live the same life I had."

@socialmedia23 who knows if your ovaries will shrivel up and die by 32? They might…or you might be still very fertile at 43. Who knows? It’s not societal, it’s biology.

@Grasshopper12 I didn’t follow or even know of the societal pressure you describe.

Hahaha! Where TF are you getting this shite from? Many choose that path. But that, my friend, you will find, is one of many many paths people take. I think you need to get out more. Broaden your horizons a bit. Look around you. Open your eyes a bit. You only seem to be seeing a very narrow view of society 😳

This….society actually doesn’t care. Live your life the way you want to.

Why would you take any notice? Who cares what others think? It's not their life so just ignore them.

I don’t recognise those, but social pressures differ according to generation, sex and social class etc. The world around me when I was growing up told me that, as a working-class Catholic girl, I should leave school at 15 and get a job in a shop until I married and became a SAHM, obey men and religious authorities, keep my knees together till my wedding night, and never, ever, seek to rise above my station. Instead, I worked hard, stayed in education, got four degrees, became an academic, moved around a lot, didn’t marry and had my only child at 40. And am raising him as an atheist.

Resist, OP. Social pressures are there to be resisted.

I don’t recognise this either. I mean, maybe it’s common to do things that way in some sections of society and therefore perhaps there feels a pressure to keep up with the norm?

I certainly haven’t felt that. I married at 23 to a man 10 years old than me, and we are now more than 14 years down the line. And I earn more.

I think there's less societal pressure to conform than ever before. Perhaps the pressure you feel is self imposed.

OP, that is pants.

The only pressures are the ones we put on ourselves.

I can remember my grandma telling me that after my dad was born, an elderly relative came to visit.
She looked at my new-born dad, looked around the room then said "Good Heavens ! A baby and no piano!"

😂

That’s a very outdated view… do what you want, have fun ALL your life!

I roughly recognise that pattern but I would say if you are serial dating throughout your twenties you're going to follow that pattern in your thirties.
Mid to late twenties there is more of a biological urge to settle down and when broodiness for many goes into overdrive.
Just go your own way and don't compare yourself to other people

I think people who follow social norms, at least for most part, don’t see it like people who don’t.

Of course it’s easier to say no one care, if you get married in your 20’s, everyone supports this.

Kind of like people with kids say no one cares if someone is childfree, but they had kids by their 30’s (and may have always kniwn/said they want kids).

It’s mostly the people, who genuinely want different things, or perhaps fell behind from the ’life plan’ that knows how shitty other’s can be.
And the pressure is real.

If you date / have sex / get married / want or have kids / drink / party, yeah then it’s fair you say no one cares and there is no pressure from society.
For others, not so much.

What a load of sh*t. Live your life and ignore thses pressures.

Well.... I have another take on this.
The social norms you refer to, I think that majority of people follows this pattern naturally. Then, as most people do so, this pattern becomes the norm.
The important thing is being yourself. If you do not have the feeling of settling down yet, then do not do so. If you love a younger man, go for it. Be yourself.

That’s BRILLIANT. 😀