Money can't buy you happiness ... but it helps

[Achinton]

I've been poor for years. Single parent, MH problems blah blah blah. But a couple of years ago just before the pandemic started I got some counselling that really worked for me, went on to get promoted a few times and now this year am finally on a higher wage so I don't need universal credit any more.

Life still has its stresses. My ex mil is dying, my own parents are not so great, obviously I'm worried about the state of the country. But - and it's taken a good six months to really register this because thinking poor has been a long term habit for me - I no longer have to constantly do sums in my head. I hadn't realised how much I thought about money until I stopped having to do it. And my god it is so liberating. It's like part of my mind is freed up from all the crap that's been occupying it for over ten years. It's ... lovely.

And I think, once you get below a certain level, you're never really quite free, but once you get above it things are better, because at least you don't have to worry about money.

Money might not buy happiness but poverty is definitely linked to misery.

I don’t think anyone would disagree with you.

In the words of Kayne, having money isn’t everything but not having it is.

Lol good point @AnneLovesGilbert ! I guess it's just a thing that people say, that money isn't important and you don't need it. But it bloody is and you bloody do!

Yes of course. Money won't automatically buy you happiness and I think there might be a (very high) level where.it brings more trouble than it solves, but it's impossible to be happy if you don't know how you'll feed the family or pay the rent or even replace the washing machine.

My grandad, who grew up very poor and became quite well off used to say "money can't buy happiness but it makes being miserable a damned sight more comfortable."

Only rich people ever say that! 😉

I kind of disagree. I work pt my husband was working ft. We weren't flush but did ok. He recently died. I have money now but it doesn't bring me any joy.

I'm in a similar situation and I agree the money doesn't make you happy, but I know I'd be even more miserable if on top of the grief, I was worrying about keeping a roof over our heads.

It doesn’t leave you though. I grew up pretty poor, I still have that mindset and feel very antsy about spending debt etc I’ve just not escaped that awful feeling

behavioralscientist.org/the-cognitive-burden-of-poverty/

I'd rather be rich and unhappy than poor and unhappy.

I'm pretty sure it can't buy happiness, but it's not like living in poverty is loads of fun either. Even if people are miserable either way, at least with money, there's more options available.

Oh god don't say that @FiloPasty ! I am having to find a second response to anything financial as my first one is always "nope, can't afford it" but I am hoping that goes away.

@Boredof2020 and @Fadedpicture I sorry to both of you for your losses. I didn't mean to be flippant. Obviously money is scant comfort.

I do know what you mean though.

It does and can buy happiness. It doesn't always. What it does make things easier, less pressured.
My friends dad died in a local disaster (along with 7 others- the community was devastated and still reels from the event decades on) Truly devastating. Her dad had no money or insurance. My friends mother lost their home. They went into a refuge and then lived in a bnb in one room for a year or two whilst the council tried to house them. Their mother had to sell everything. When they did get a house they had very little. They didn't properly get to grieve their dad/ husband, as trauma followed trauma followed trauma. In the end her mum had something of a mental breakdown. If he'd had insurance/ money, they would have been devastated, traumatised for life- but less so. They'd have been allowed to grieve, instead of lurching from these awful events.

I agree and well done on your promotions. Being a bit tight but generally being able to afford what you need, even if not endless luxuries is one thing, having a constant background awareness of your lack of money definitely wears you down and is an ongoing drain on mental and physical health, especially if on your own so no help with practicalities. Once this is gone then of course unrelated issues exist but it is one less big and constant source of stress and limitations on your ability to problem solve (e.g. if you need to be somewhere in a rush, you can grab a taxi within reason).

Achinton, I do agree. Growing up with a disabled father and a mother working minimum wage to get by, I could see the extra stress of poverty.

Knowing you can make rent, buy healthy food and not constantly say no to events is a huge relief. But I will say coming from poor background does teach you not to be flippant about finances, and to be grateful when you do have enough.

Congrats to you for your new situation, it sounds like you really worked for it.

Yes. Money's certainly one less thing to worry about if you have enough of it.

When I was poor life was a war everyday and there were days I didn’t know how I’d survive (I grew up in abject poverty - sometimes when dad was between jobs we only had £20-£40 a month to feed / clothes an entire family of 10). Now I’m wealthy it’s more like a battle. Not great but I can handle it

Money can’t make you happy but it can give you so many more choices to help deal with unhappiness that life can throw at you. For example, having a bit extra for a rainy day in the bank didn’t stop the hurt of my husband cheating but it did allow me to go into work and ask for 3 months unpaid leave whilst I processed it all rather than having to try and work and deal with the fallout of it.

I totally agree.

Money doesn't guarantee happiness.

Sure. But it does buy it. It really does.

It's all a myth to keep the masses down. Like "happy are the meek" from the Bible.

It's bullshit.

I would find having money I or my DH didn't work for troubling. I would feel indebted to the family member who gave me the money, I feel like I would lack freedom and be bitterly resentful..it would hit my self esteem. Maybe because I have been raised by my parents to believe that getting money from them past the age of 21 beyond birthday gifts or perhaps rent free living in the childhood bedroom for a few years in your 20s (pre marriage) is off the cards.

A lot of people I know seem to be supported by their parents into their 30s, 40s, 50s and even 60s, and they probably find life slightly easier than me but I don't really envy them. Like ok I might envy their home but I don't actually think I would like living like that.

I read somewhere a few years ago that happiness increases as wealth increases up to a specific point, which equates to around £42 k in the UK, and above that point there is no further correlation between happiness and wealth.

I wish I could remember where I read it, and how that point is defined!

Or if you need to go private for some minor, but quality of life improving, procedure. Impossible without money. You're in for a long wait otherwise.

super interesting