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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex cancelling plans?

6 replies

SpinningFloppa · 21/12/2022 20:15

My ex hasn’t had contact with our children for 2 years (completely his choice) he got back in contact recently asking to see them. The advice on MN was to start up contact again however he was meant to come down yesterday and cancelled on the day, he said he would come today and again cancelled today. He is now asking to come tomorrow but I’m thinking this is not a good start of things to come as he has cancelled two days in a row now. I’ve tried to be understanding the first time but two days in a row? I have also tried to explain how important consistency is but he doesn’t understand and feels nothing about cancelling. How many times should we be arranging this until I give up as I am busy and have things to do (very busy week for everyone!) and I’ve even cancelled plans to be in for him.

For a bit of background he last saw our children 2 years ago when he was suppose to turn up for one of their birthdays and just didn’t show up, didn’t even bother to cancel that just a no show and ignored my messages, he also cancelled contact if it was raining etc so not unusual behaviour for him and he has never ever been consistent since we split.

OP posts:
FairFuming · 21/12/2022 20:30

How old are your kids? My ex has form for not showing up. I don't even tell them he's coming, its not worth them getting upset over but they are small still.
He sounds like a selfish arse who doesn't care about anyone but himself.

SpinningFloppa · 21/12/2022 20:39

Yes i have told them, the difficulty with not telling them is he hasn’t seen them in 2 years I’m not having him turning up at the door after 2 years no contact without warning them

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 21/12/2022 20:44

I should add he hasn’t seen them again yet I’m not sure if that was clear in my post, yesterday would have been the first time

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PeekAtYou · 21/12/2022 20:47

After 2 no shows I would be saying "take me to court if you're serious about seeing the kids." Paying money and spending time getting a CAO doesn't guarantee an involved father but it might make him disappear again which may be for the best.

forrestgreen · 21/12/2022 20:50

How old are they?

I'd say contact is temporarily every Saturday between 10 & 12 (for example) if you cancel, I'll let the children know and we'll expect you next Saturday. If you become unreliable eg miss x visits and I'll stop contact.

Does he pay?

SpinningFloppa · 21/12/2022 21:08

They are between 5 and 11, the 5 year old has no memory of him. No he doesn’t pay any maintenance.

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