How can I, carefully and politely tell my friend that RIGHT NOW I need a little bit of space?

[UglyNameChange]

I think this is how have to say it to her.

Before you judge too harshly and say I’m a bitch, just let me say that everything is shit right now in my life, I’m not doing good and it’s just awful.
I always deal with my own oroblems and don’t burden other’s, and I just need to take some time and space.

My friend on the other hand, is doing amazing. And that is great, but I can’t, I just can’t right now listen and keep congratulating her.
I know I’m awful.
She takes a lot of space and really is full force when times are more neutral, so now it’s even more.

How can I, without hurting her feelings, tell her I need a little break right now?

You don’t have to tell her anything.
just say you are having a quiet Christmas and avoid her for a while.

Do you see her a lot or is a lot off this online/on phone?

You're not a bitch. She sounds intense - does she ask about you and how you're doing?

My (ex) best friend was (and is) feeling like you the last few years. Last year she went quiet and didn’t share any details of her life and I had to initiate any meet ups and discussions. Trust me I was trying very hard, never mentioned big successes in my life and I was all about “let’s talk about you”. It didn’t help! One day she told me that she doesn’t want this relationship with me anymore and to not contact her again. And I respected it! So NC for us at the moment…

I see her often, at least once or twice in a week. We share a hobby, so we see each other there at least once a week.
And we call/text quite often, right now she contacts me more/ a lot.

This sounds very much like a recent thread but from the opposite point of view. I think everyone posting on that thread told the OP to back off.

YANBU to tell your friend you need some space. If she won't take a hint you will have to be direct.

She does ask about me, but I’m extreme private / awful talking about myself, I’ve been told that I’m a Fort Knox.
So she doesn’t ask that much and that’s fair enough.

I absolutely do not want to hurt her / lose the friendship.

I understand. I think when you are feeling low and things are hard other peoples successes can feel like gloating and make you feel lower. I think generally people don’t mean for you to feel like that, but nevertheless that’s how it can feel.
I would just be less enthusiastic with responses, take longer to reply - blame the busyness of Christmas if you celebrate it.

Hi Morag, thank you so much for inviting me to yours next week, you’re v.kind but I’m cutting back on socialising for a while, am just exhausted and need some space for more self- care. Going to be spending less time on my phone, but looking forward to seeing you at Trampolining Club in January xx

Just say you've got a lot on your plate and not feeling so great but wish her a merry Christmas and you'll see her in the new year?

You don’t tell her that - there is no really good way to say it, and if her life is going well, she probably won’t understand that you need space from her achievements, as opposed to ‘her’, and may get offended.

Instead, create an alternative world where busyness is the problem. Send her a text saying what a great friend she is, and how Christmas/work end-of-year deadlines/family drama are all crazy right now. Say you can’t wait to catch up again in the NY (setting expectations).

So (assuming you want a 2-3 week break) something like -

Hey Alice,
What a crazy 2022 it’s been - right? I swear it feels like it should only be June. I’m right in the middle of that end-of-year madness…why do we always think we can fit everything in before the end of the year?!?
I just wanted to say what a great friend you are, and what a great support you’ve been to me in 2022. I can’t wait to catch up with you, hear all your news and toast the next year - is sometime in Jan ok? All the madness will have settled by then and we can have a great chat. I’ll text you in the New Year and we can work out a date.

Merry Christmas!