Should I make contact with my estranged mother?

[Tiggal]

About 10 years ago I decided to stop contact with my mother. She was very emotionally abusive during my childhood. Despite this I tried to maintain some sort of relationship with her. However, when she started to do to my children what she had done to me I felt I had no choice but to remove them from this situation.

Over the years she has alienated everyone, including my sister, and I found out this afternoon that my stepfather left her earlier this year. She is now all alone. My sister lives abroad and my mum has limited contact with her own siblings.

I really don’t know what to do. On one hand the pain she caused me over the years is imo unforgivable and I had years of therapy to put it behind me. But she has no one and will be along at Christmas. Do I be the bigger person and make contact with her?

No

Oh Jesus no - you’re looking at this wrong. You wouldn’t be being the bigger person, you would be being the stupid person who squandered all the time she spent in therapy.

No.
She’s alone because of her behaviour.
The choice is between your kids and your mother. Why would you subject them to the same abuse? Was it not bad enough for you?

You know what? It is really sad. She must be a very damaged and sad individual and no doubt there is some horrible back story. However it has to be brought to an end and you have succeeded in doing this. If you were to make contact you will be back here in a short time asking why your DM is being so cruel when you have reached out to her.

Life is hard sometimes but you chose the right path and should stick to it.

Have a lovely Christmas, it sounds as if you have some catching up to do on happy times.

This is not going to be a fairy tale ending.
You went NC for a reason. Remember the reason and don't make contact with her.

My mother became seriously alcoholic and her capacity to be a normal parent diminished accordingly. One day, I decided mentally to 'divorce' her, and life became far easier. I didn't completely cut her off, responded to her attempts to contact me politely but without involvement, and continued to send birthday and Christmas cards appropriately. But basically she just became someone I used to know...

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to me. I have taken all your comments on board and will not get in touch with her. X